Falling for a much older guy

[Cheesepuffs1909]

For context I am in my 20's and the man I am falling for and pretty certain he feels the same is in his 50's
We both have kids but realistically is there likely to be any issues with this age gap?

My mind is confused and I am reluctant to act upon my feelings right now

O*h my goodness, that is almost 20 years difference
*
There's an 18 year age gap between me and my OH I'm 39 he's 57 and he looks absolutely amazing naked.

Prepare to be a young widow.

Go for it OP and I wish you only the best. Ignore the gloom and disapproval.

Go for it OP and I wish you only the best. Ignore the gloom and disapproval.

Nope. No way. My best friend is in a large age gap relationship. Didnt seem to matter when she was in her 20s but now she's in her mid 40s she is miserable, and run ragged caring for her much older husband who now has age related health issues and her ageing parents, as well as her kids.

She is now severely depressed due to the stress and often tells me that she loves her husband but if she could go back and do things differently she would. It's really sad and frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't had a break down with all that on her plate.

My DSis has only a 12 year gap and she was a carer for 10 years or so, gradually getting worse. Her DH is now in a care home. She should never have married him, she has massive Daddy issues.
Absolutely don't do it

I once asked my grandfather what it was like to be old. He was in his mid 80s.

He replied that he didn’t know, because he was still 18 in his head.

That's it...I'm not closing my eyes tonight.😴😔

Yes it does. That’s why you don’t get 50 years old Olympians. You’ve doubled down on the stupidity by pretending otherwise.

Just go for it.
If he was 25 you would go for it and discover how relationship goes along the way.
It's not like you have to get married and have a child in a first month

Oh and I never called you stupid, just the view you espoused. But if you couldn’t discern the difference, perhaps the conclusion you reached about your intelligence is accurate.

A thirty year age gap...are you serious?

A friend of mine had a 26-year age gap and has recently, and very suddenly been widowed with teenage DCs whilst only in her 40s.

Regardless of your personal relationship, it can also be quite difficult to socialise in groups and family situations when one partner is so different generationally.

It's a very big gap. I've dated 20 yrs older in early 20s and it's always fizzled out.
If you like him and want to give it a try be prepared for the fact that statistically it's less likely to last. How would you feel if he passed away in a few years? Sorry to be blunt but multiple male family of mine have died in their early 50s. I think if you're looking at kids together that could be a big issue.

I couldn’t cope with another 30 years of work while my partner was enjoying their retirement. And I think the age gap would widen over the years. Not for me…

No no no

If it lasts you will be stuck in the house taking care of him while you're in menopause (and not feeling well yourself as a result) which will be awful. For that reason alone I would pass on the guy.
Another is that when men date women that much younger than them, it's usually because they want a trophy, not a partner. They are using young women as an ego boost and to desperately try to hold onto youth instead of aging with dignity.
Also, your whole frame of reference for understanding the world around you is different from his.
So you are going to clash about a lot of things.

What does that even mean? That your elderly grandfather wanted to have sex with women barely out of girlhood?

ODFOD.

Don't be so bloody stupid of course it doesn't. I'm nearly 52 but frequently say I'm still 22 in my head. It doesn't mean I want to have sex with 22 year old boys it means that I still have the same attitudes and opinions that I had when I was 22 and can't believe I'm so old!

But what you've saying makes absolute sense. That you feel young but you wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone young. But OP's older chap does and I'm questioning his motivation.

Sorry, but absolutely everyone experiences physical deterioration as they age and in your fifties, the decline is not insignificant. We peak somewhere in our late twenties. By 30, we have started to gradually rot. It's just a fact.

https://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/story/what-to-expect-aging

The rate varies somewhat depending on our genetics and health habits, but no man in his fifties is ever going to be comparable to somebody in her twenties.

Yes I get that, I wasn't saying they would be comparable. I just meant that it's not always obvious and if the younger one loves the older one then they're not really going to focus on it iyswim. Nice to know that I'm apparently seen as thick though 😞

I think the biggest problem is that after the age of mid-sixties people do tend to start to run out of energy very quickly. Not all, I know, but even quite energetic people I've known, find they've slowed down. You may find that you are full of energy to explore the world but that your partner isn't, and that's frustrating for both of you.

My aunt married a man 20 years older than her. By the time he was 70 he'd slowed down considerably - even though he'd been an adventurous traveller - while my aunt was still full of life. She ended up holidaying and going out without him. I remember her complaining bitterly to my mum about it.

Yes, @IBegYourBiggestPardon , my DH (52) is a fine sight naked imho and I’m not bad either as I take care of myself!

But, I know that it’s an uphill battle as we age and my DH looks very different to the DH’s of two of my friends who are in their early 70’s. They’re fit, but they look elderly, because they are.

The OP is talking about a 30-year age gap and personally, I think it’s too extreme. When she’s 50 like me, this bloke will be 80-odd. That’s a huge age gap.