Grandparents inviting children not us?

[ariaknox]

I'll keep it short, really torn and not sure what to do
A little idea on family relationships:
Myself, husband, DS 5, DD 2
maternal grandparents- super close see then often
Mother- not close, barely tolerate each other
Uncle and wife- havent seen in 2 years and 5 years before that
Siblings- all close

My grandparents told me a week ago they were planning a family boat trip to celebrate uncle and wife's wedding anniversary and if we could make it. We said yes let us know dates and times
Grandmother called this evening to tell me she booked the trip but the boat only holds 12 people and with the immediate family we come up to 14, i was about to say to her that its fine we'll come another time no worries
Then she says she would like to take my children so it fills to boat spaces (basically saying she'll take the kids not myself and my husband)
I was a bit torn and not sure how i felt about it as firstly a boat is the type of place i will be glued to my small children (they will lean/jump/fall/dive off) and secondly none of these family members have ever spent time alone with any of my children (grandparents once looked after DS when i was giving birth to DD thats it)
I told my grandparents that i will speak to my husband about letting the kids go with them and let them know what decision we come to

My grandmother then proceeded to say that she'd love to take them so that uncle can see the children and get to know them
And she says that he asks her about them all the time.
This set me off.
Uncle has my number as does his wife in the 5/2 years of their lives he has never contacted me to ask how they are or anything about them
Probably doesnt know their full names
My kids will have no clue who they are

Anyway the conversation is going down hill but she is my grandmother and i would never disrespect her so repeated that i will let her know once spoken with husband

Then at the end of the phone call she says to me that if anyone cancels then my husband and myself can take their place

Im torn

1. I dont think anyone on that boat will supervise my children correctly
2. Why should i send them to see family members who obviously dont care about them enough to call/text to see if their alive
3. Being invited as a last resort only if someone cancels feels embarrassing
4. The kids will love a boat trip
5. Day for me and my husband to ourselves

Aibu to have decided already that i will not send my children?
Should i just let them go?
Or does anyone else think that the whole scenario was just degrading embarrassing and hurtful?

No. My children wouldn't join without a parent.

This is just weird - it’s to celebrate uncle and wife’s anniversary and you’re not close.

Just say you’d love to catch up with uncle and wife in future as would love to strengthen the bonds there but thing it’s better for them to spend their anniversary with those they are closest too.
Let them know that also with the kids being so young, a boat trip probably isn’t suitable and more an adult thing so you’ll skip this one.

Absolutely not. Unsafe and unkind on your kids.

I think point 1 would be enough of a reason for me to say no. I would find being invited as a last resort if someone canceled embarrassing and hurtful too. YANBU at all by saying no.

I have always taken my GC away and so has my eldest (her DN's) at this age we wouldn't have done boat trips, the risk isn't worth it. It's about locking doors overnight etc as well as supervision. It's all the stuff you forget when you haven't had a toddler in a while. The boat accidents that happen and especially children being dropped overboard etc all seem to happen with male relatives.

Maybe to keep the peace you could go with oldest and DH stay home with the little one? I'd think a 2yo on a boat would be a bit of a nightmare anyway!

Absolutely no way would I be letting my children on a boat with the dangers that presents without me. Especially a two year old!! I'd be offended they asked (as well as offended you were offered the consolation prize of going if there are drop outs).

Sorry you're in this position op, really unkind of your family x

The hell would anyone be taking my young children on a boat. I'd be too scared of something happening if they weren't kept in line of sight observation at all times.

No way would l let young kids go without me!! Your grandparents need to book a bigger boat!

It would be absolute no from me too

Wow okay thank you everyone
I thought i was being insensitive and depriving them of time with the kids?
I dont know
I definitely will not be sending them or attending if anyone drops out (which my brothers have a massive habit of doing)

This is a really good idea I think, but otherwise it would be a flat no from me. 2 under 5's on a boat without your eyes on them? I'd not be able to relax enough to have the day to myself.

You make a very good point re Uncle and wife - why isn't there a direct relationship with them?

Is your Mother on this trip?

Don't be torn. Your first bullet point nails it: Children MUST be properly supervised on boats. End of.

Yes, i agree. Do NOT be torn. I know you're trying your best be a good granddaughter, but your DC's safety come above and beyond that (not that I need to say this of course).

Yes my mother will be on the boat

And there is no issues between myself and my uncle and his wife
When i was young i would text them often and sometimes get a reply as i got older i just stopped bothering and they never did
My grandparents always update us on what is going on in uncles life and im sure they tell him about us
But there is no direct contact
I dont feel anything towards them
No love and no animosity
They are just them and thats it

I agree with everyone else, you aren’t close to your uncle and your children are too young to be possibly not watched properly on a boat.
Accidents can happen too easily. Also they are too young to truly enjoy it, so don’t think you would be depriving them of the experience, there is plenty of time for them to go on a boat.

No fucking way.

Absolutely not.
Is your grandmother losing it to even suggest such a thing?
100% not a normal suggestion ever.

Absolutely not, at 5 and 2.

Absolutely not op. A boat is not a safe space and requires 100% eyes on supervision and life jacket wearing. We are an experienced boating family and yet my 6 y.o niece walked between her dad and me right off the dock and between the boat and dock. A nightmare and she could swim. I pulled her out while leaving my infant strapped in a stroller. Your grandmother aunt and uncle are not experienced boaters and not experienced with your children and frankly clueless to think it’s an inappropriate ask. It’s cheeky fuckery to ask to take a toddler and preschooler on a boat to “facilitate a bond between uncle and them”. Jesus the audacity. Please reassure me you won’t be talked into this op.

Not a chance. Two very small children on a boat with adults who are not used to caring for children, has disaster written all over it.

Agree!

Given the lack of experience those going have looking after small children and in particular your small children without you, not letting them go on the boat trip seems sensible.

I would suggest not get too upset about the conversation about your uncle and his apparent hypocrisy. Your GM probably talks about your DC to him and he probably expresses more interest to her than he really feels, so her declaration about his interest is most likely just projection - she wants your uncle to be interested in getting to know them, he is just reflecting that desire back to her so she doesn’t get hurt that he is only as interested as he’s shown to you directly (i.e. really not that much). He probably had no idea your DGM would make it sound like he was pushing for them to come (he probably wasn’t).

@RawBloomers
Yeah i 100% agree

@Lavenderandbrown
They will definitely not be attending
As soon as she said it i knew it was a no
I just needed some opinions as im a bit of an over thinker

your no 1 is enough, your daughter is still a baby not a small child
end of story for your grandmother and i would be saying so as it sounds like what ever reason you say it wont be dropped