Grandparents inviting children not us?

[ariaknox]

I'll keep it short, really torn and not sure what to do
A little idea on family relationships:
Myself, husband, DS 5, DD 2
maternal grandparents- super close see then often
Mother- not close, barely tolerate each other
Uncle and wife- havent seen in 2 years and 5 years before that
Siblings- all close

My grandparents told me a week ago they were planning a family boat trip to celebrate uncle and wife's wedding anniversary and if we could make it. We said yes let us know dates and times
Grandmother called this evening to tell me she booked the trip but the boat only holds 12 people and with the immediate family we come up to 14, i was about to say to her that its fine we'll come another time no worries
Then she says she would like to take my children so it fills to boat spaces (basically saying she'll take the kids not myself and my husband)
I was a bit torn and not sure how i felt about it as firstly a boat is the type of place i will be glued to my small children (they will lean/jump/fall/dive off) and secondly none of these family members have ever spent time alone with any of my children (grandparents once looked after DS when i was giving birth to DD thats it)
I told my grandparents that i will speak to my husband about letting the kids go with them and let them know what decision we come to

My grandmother then proceeded to say that she'd love to take them so that uncle can see the children and get to know them
And she says that he asks her about them all the time.
This set me off.
Uncle has my number as does his wife in the 5/2 years of their lives he has never contacted me to ask how they are or anything about them
Probably doesnt know their full names
My kids will have no clue who they are

Anyway the conversation is going down hill but she is my grandmother and i would never disrespect her so repeated that i will let her know once spoken with husband

Then at the end of the phone call she says to me that if anyone cancels then my husband and myself can take their place

Im torn

1. I dont think anyone on that boat will supervise my children correctly
2. Why should i send them to see family members who obviously dont care about them enough to call/text to see if their alive
3. Being invited as a last resort only if someone cancels feels embarrassing
4. The kids will love a boat trip
5. Day for me and my husband to ourselves

Aibu to have decided already that i will not send my children?
Should i just let them go?
Or does anyone else think that the whole scenario was just degrading embarrassing and hurtful?

This is a good idea if you want to build bridges.

I wouldn't bother building bridges. They sound like idiots.

Hard no, sorry grandma

Sounds like a weird trip. I would not let my two and four year old off on a boat without me- safety reasons, and secondly they don’t know your uncle and his wife, - would your children really enjoy it?!

My friend went out on a private boat with her then boyfriend, and 2 small children. The boat sank. They had to swim to safety with one child each. It was a massive shock to them, that it happened and they thank God that they only had 2 children. They wouldn't have been able to save more than one each, and swim. I would not allow family to take the little ones on a boat. They won't be able to save them, if anything happened. Decline the invite.

They’re much too young to join without a parent. My 2 year old would be incredibly distressed if she had to spend a day with anyone who’s not a primary caregiver.

Flat no from me.

Absolutely no, as everyone else has said. I'm not sure I'd even agree in these circumstances if the proposed activity WASN'T boating!

Tots on a boat? Without parents! Oh no. I don't care if Deadpool and Wolverine were with them, they couldn't go.

Hell no

No, mines the same age, there are a few people I would trust to keep her alive but there is no way she’s be getting on a boat without one of us. I would point put to grandparent that is uncle was so desperate to see kids he would have managed it in five years.

I stopped reading after she suggested having the kids on her own on a boat!!

It's a massive no!!

However, I'd also say no to any other kind of party as you don't interact with your aunt and uncle so what's the point?

Also, from aunt and uncles point of view, why would they want to help supervise children they have absolutely no interest in??

But didn't you already book no refundable tickets to some family out somewhere? 😉

I don't agree that it is embarrassing or degrading. In terms of the family you haven't heard from have you ever actually reached out to contact them yourself?
Your concerns with safety are totally valid and reason enough to say no. I'd be nervous on a boat holiday with my own toddler. Just a few minutes without supervision could be catastrophic. I wouldn't trust anyone other than DH to supervise my child in that situation.

If the children were 15 & 12 I would say let them go - but they are 5 & 2 so it would be an absolute no - particularly if there is drinking involved (from a safety pov not an anti drinking one)

Oh my, I'm so sorry they already did this boat trip last month, didnt invite you and family and are doing it again on your birthday weekend and haven't invited you again! OP, they don't seem very kind towards you and your family. I'm offended and upset on your behalf.

Why don’t you suggest that you and your older child go?

Other peoples children are great for a short time and I'm sure your mum would be left to deal with them most of the time. It's not going to be fair on your mum, the safety issue for a start. It really wouldn't be a holiday for her. Thats all you need to say.

Absolutely not!

You already know this is a no go. What on earth is your grandmother thinking to expect you to risk children that young on a boat trip without you?

No, I wouldn't let my children that age go on a boat trip without a parent. If it was something else I might if I was confident anyone would look after them properly. The danger with big groups of adults and small kids is that everyone just kind of assumes someone is looking after them. And they are too young to be half supervised.

It’s a very weird idea. Who sends kids 5 and 2 y.o. without parents to celebrate uncle’s wedding anniversary? That would be enough for me to say “no”. The fact that it’s a boat trip makes things much worse.
The right way would be you and your DH going without kids.

Fuck me, definitely not.
Sorry for succinct answer but your decision is entirely correct and your senior family members are totally irresponsible for wanting to counter it!

Bizarre - and as others have said, absolutely not!