Grandparents inviting children not us?

[ariaknox]

I'll keep it short, really torn and not sure what to do
A little idea on family relationships:
Myself, husband, DS 5, DD 2
maternal grandparents- super close see then often
Mother- not close, barely tolerate each other
Uncle and wife- havent seen in 2 years and 5 years before that
Siblings- all close

My grandparents told me a week ago they were planning a family boat trip to celebrate uncle and wife's wedding anniversary and if we could make it. We said yes let us know dates and times
Grandmother called this evening to tell me she booked the trip but the boat only holds 12 people and with the immediate family we come up to 14, i was about to say to her that its fine we'll come another time no worries
Then she says she would like to take my children so it fills to boat spaces (basically saying she'll take the kids not myself and my husband)
I was a bit torn and not sure how i felt about it as firstly a boat is the type of place i will be glued to my small children (they will lean/jump/fall/dive off) and secondly none of these family members have ever spent time alone with any of my children (grandparents once looked after DS when i was giving birth to DD thats it)
I told my grandparents that i will speak to my husband about letting the kids go with them and let them know what decision we come to

My grandmother then proceeded to say that she'd love to take them so that uncle can see the children and get to know them
And she says that he asks her about them all the time.
This set me off.
Uncle has my number as does his wife in the 5/2 years of their lives he has never contacted me to ask how they are or anything about them
Probably doesnt know their full names
My kids will have no clue who they are

Anyway the conversation is going down hill but she is my grandmother and i would never disrespect her so repeated that i will let her know once spoken with husband

Then at the end of the phone call she says to me that if anyone cancels then my husband and myself can take their place

Im torn

1. I dont think anyone on that boat will supervise my children correctly
2. Why should i send them to see family members who obviously dont care about them enough to call/text to see if their alive
3. Being invited as a last resort only if someone cancels feels embarrassing
4. The kids will love a boat trip
5. Day for me and my husband to ourselves

Aibu to have decided already that i will not send my children?
Should i just let them go?
Or does anyone else think that the whole scenario was just degrading embarrassing and hurtful?

I would take the eldest, younger (who is going to be far less easy to manage on a boat trip stays with dad at home (and they can do age appropriate activities like the park)

My kid was accident prone and would have found a way to fling herself off a boat at 2. If you need an excuse just say your anxiety is getting the better of you. You shouldn’t need an excuse but sometimes it makes life easier.

No, young children require 💯 supervision on boat trips. So much can go wrong. Another time & place maybe. So alternative is a parent and eldest child. The other parent & youngest can do something else that day.

I’m with the other posters on here

it’s really true that you forget how hard it is to watch toddlers when you’re kids are grown up.

I say that as someone who has been looking after my nephew this summer holidays. I have kept two children alive to near adulthood, and my day job is working in a primary school. But My god a few days with a three year old and I have no idea how he’s still alive . Very stressful, into everything,find anything that they shouldn’t have ,they don’t stop at the side of the road , take them out of the car and put them down they run - all stuff you stop every day when you have toddlers , but completely forget when you’re out of practice and your eyes need to be on them every second.

also I can’t imagine a toddler being happy to go out for the day with someone they didn’t know.

I can’t imagine them sitting still for the day while grandma has tea and chats with family

maybe if they were a bit older and could swim / be more aware of their surroundings- like water .

how about this for a suggestion- I’m assuming they are on the canal? Suggest you meet them for lunch / cup of tea in a cafe / pub on route so everyone sees the kids , and you can escape after an hour ?

Absolutely not a chance!

I know you said youve made up your mind but just to add to the chorus in no world would i say yes to this.

If i wanted to placate them I'd offer a day out to leeds castle or whatever with aunt and uncle some other time....
Or you and oldest go if you are feeling generous (which i wouldnt be as the idea os so bonkers)

The bit i dont get is there are a lot of other options other than disinviting you and your husband....
they could have said to your siblings "there are only 12 spaces so no partners", one GP cpuld have stayed on shore and you go aboard, they could have counted numbers in advance and got an appropriate boat...
The list goes on.

Just no. A 5 and 2 yr old are too young to be left with people they don't really know, would not be happy without you there and I really would not be happy with such young kids near water without you there to supervise them.
If it's canal boating in the UK could you not visit them somewhere for the day/weekend near the boat so the DC see it but don't stay on it?
A 12 berth boat is a tight fit for sure (we did a weekend on one and the beds were narrow and like sleeping in a coffin!) I'm sure they rent them out to small scouts/cubs so there's really not that much room onboard! That said we had a great time, but just didnt sleep!

Visit them on their boat trip at one of the moorings or meet as they embark, for a cup of tea.

Otherwise you could join the boat for a short trip with your children (a few miles) and have DH meet you at the next landing.
The entire trip would be dangerous and asking for trouble with toddlers even if you both were in attendance.

No way would I trust my dd on a boat without a parent there too at your dc ages. It be a no from me! Meet them after the boat trip

No way. Your children are not their entertainment and no doubt the entertainment value will dwindle once they have a drink in their hands

I think it's troubling that it was even suggested to you as a realistic option.

I wouldn't leave my dcs with these people ever. They clearly have no idea.

Yanbu I wouldn't let anyone take my children on a boat without me being present.

My kids go on boats without me all the time, but our whole family sails/is on the water in different forms all the time so safety and supervision is second nature to everyone. In your scenario? A boat trip which is in effect a party, with people not used to being on boats? No fricking way.

I think this is what I would do.
I'm not sure why you're so angry about being first reserve if someone drops out when you were already going to say you'd drop out of the trip anyway.
But either you go with eldest or say no to the whole thing.

I don't think your extended family will enjoy themselves much if they did take the 5 & 2 year old anyway.

Constantly CONSTANTLY watching them
Dealing with 'I'm bored'
Dealing with overtiredness or sugar rushes
Perhaps there's nowhere to run about, are the children going to just sit still?
You can't just get off the boat whenever you fancy
No idea if travel sickness might come into it

It's just such a bad idea and I'm so glad you are saying no ❤️

no way.

Thanks everyone
To answer a few questions

My sister is very over protective and is really good with the children and she would watch them to the best of her ability however she would be the only one i'd trust to watch them properly but i know it would mean she would not be apart of the conversations and not be able to relax
And also as safe and careful as she is she has never took them on a boat

I believe the boat is on a canal with seats and life jackets and lunch

My children have both been on different types of boats throughout their lives however this has always been with myself and my husband present

Someone mentioned about me feeling a type of way because my brother was invited over me
This is not the case
I have 3 brothers and 1 sister all invited on the trip i love them all and am very close with them all and we all often do individual days out or activities with our grandparents as well as together with our grandparents
They all in-fact did this boat trip a month ago with grandparents and my husband and i wasn't invited didnt bother me at all
I think im more put out about them half inviting me then when there was no space we were the ones they decided could be "left out" and also by being invited finally as the last resort if somebody cancels

I wouldn't of sent my children, and i actually havent even told my husband about the phone call with my grandparents as i know he would be super offended and as they are my family he would possibly take it more to heart than i and i dont want to have awkwardness in the future with family events

And finally i was more looking forward to spending a day with the whole family together as this doesn't happen often i wasnt planning to attend solely because it was a celebration of the wedding anniversary more to catch up and spend time with everyone

@Crystallizedring i wouldn't have "dropped out" if my husband myself and both my children were invited correctly and actually made to feel like we're even wanted there

The only reason why i planned to not allow my children to attend was because of safety reasons of them going without myself

My feelings towards how the situation was handled is irrelevant
Its not safe for my children period so they will not be attending

Will you not consider the suggested option of you taking your eldest and your husband staying at home with the younger child? It seems a really good compromise.

ETA: With the proviso that if this isn't 'acceptable', none of you go.

We are close to my parents and I would have 100% trusted them with my DC at that age so would have said yes.
But with PIL we're not as close and my DC don't have such a close relationship with them so no I wouldn't have allowed that when my DDs were that young.
You're definitely not unreasonable to say no, your DC need to be happy to be away from you and if you're unsure if they will be well supervised on a boat then absolutely no.

Absolutely not! Regardless of what anyone thinks, your children won't want to be with anyone but you... they're 5 and 2! Waaaaay too young to be away from you with people they don't know.

It's either all of you or none of you!

No I've decided nobody will be going at all
I will tell my grandparents that its not safe for the kids and that we've made other plans
Its actually on my birthday weekend so easy to say i have other stuff going on

Can’t believe they invited you all, then booked a boat that they knew was too small. And on your birthday weekend!!

I wouldn’t let my DC go.

Actually, this is the sort of thing MIL would do … invite us all to some get together with her siblings and their families, then a week before would change the goalposts and only want DC2 (DC1 has ASD and learning difficulties). It was always so that they could ‘get to know’ DC2, despite showing no interest in either of my DC since they were babies.

No WAY would I let my children go on a boat trip without me. Not a tiny chance. And they’ve been really rude to not invite you but ask to take the children.

It's only polite to ask after the wider family when you visit. My MIL also is prone to mistaking polite enquiries for genuine interest from people who also have our number and address! (In fairness, this is because she DOES adore our son, and this blinds her to the polite but meaningless nature of enquiries!)

It's just a bit of a fantasy that they can have a lovely time with a couple of kids they barely know who will need heavy supervision.