The absolute sheer joy of ageing

[KatParr]

And not giving as much as a shit anymore. Specifically about:
How I look to others (especially men)
Not caring as much about what other people think of me
Pleasing myself more in what I do and who I see

Yes, there are other difficulties but every so often, I look back at younger me (I'm 48 now) and feel a great relief at who I am now and who I'll become as I get older still. I know not everyone gets this but it's a slow epiphany.

Mid 50s here and i love it. I look at the younger generations of women and wouldn't change places with them. I wear what i like, do what i like. I don't need affirmation on anything, wether it's regarding what i wear , how i look after my Grandchildren, what bloody colour of paint i have in my bedroom or how long i can make a cooked chicken last. It is so fantastic.

@Sahara123 lots of sympathy here! Hang in there! Do you have any support and could you get a bit of respite and go on a little break somewhere for a while? Yes, do go back to the GP about the antidepressants, as it sounds like you're having an adverse reaction to having come off them.

Same and I couldn't agree more!

Thank you . My daughter is mid 30’s and only in the last year have we finally got a respite carer ! She is amazing and is making such a difference already . But 35 years of stress is hard, and the underlying sadness is always there .
But I have to say , go all you ladies , fantastic !

I'm 39, I hate ageing. I hate it so much that I feel genuinely fearful about the future as I think, if I'm this miserable about my appearance now, how will I feel in 10 years.
I wish I could feel liberated like most of you lot.

We don't all have bad menopause. I had absolutely no symptoms.

I can’t wait!! I’m 34 and feeling the beginnings of my anxious cluelessness starting a painfully slow fade, but I sense it’s not something you can force!

Fantastic thread.

I'm 55 in a couple of days and I don't like the fact that my looks are going/gone.

But I'm lucky enough to have my health so I'm not complaining.

For me, menopause means losing confidence in certain areas of my life and brain fog but, so far, no hot sweats.

Regarding not giving a shit what other people think...hell, yes!
It's taken a veeery long time but I am finally a Ninja and people-pleasing is a thing of the past. 🥷

I'm in my 50s and after a difficult peri/menopause phase, I'm out the other side, doing what I want and not giving a dam what others think of me! I'm still recovering from long covid so its not all physically perfect for me but the mental liberation is great!

@Asherrain
You will get there as no matter what you do, your face and body will age.

If you have Botox etc at 50, you will look like a 50 year old who has had Botox.

Just accept it, it's natural and, like I alluded to in my last post, not everyone gets to experience it.

I think it’s unusual to feel that fearful of losing youthful looks.

Counselling might help? Or some really tough self reflection on why you feel that way. I’m only suggesting as it’s totally unavoidable (death aside) so it would really benefit you to reframe it?

@Asherrain fwiw I went through a phase of being sad about "losing my looks" around your age. I think I even posted on here about it! It passed for me. Like we say for our kids, everything is just a phase. If you choose to look at yourself beyond your external appearance and find new interests, maybe, then it becomes about who you ARE not what you look like.

I'm 55 and enjoying this time of my life the most. I still care what people think of me, but only those I like and respect, and luckily that seems all good. I also care what I look like and like to be 'attractive' (I'll get my coat!) But the difference is, I actually now think that I am. I find myself able to focus on my good features and not worry about the less than pleasing ones. Also, the bar for being considered good looking at 55 is far lower than at 25, so that helps!

I agree I probably need to find a way to deal with it better. Interestingly I look at some older women and think they look fabulous, well dressed, happy, content. My mum always looks amazing.
But I catch myself in the car window and shudder. I don't think it helps that I've struggled to keep on top of my own needs now I've got small kids. No new clothes, no new makeup etc, so I just feel like a much crapper version of my old self, with added lines too!

To those people saying wait till menopause hitting and bodies failing. I’m smack bang in the middle of menopause, it’s not a given that it’s shit. I’ve also had periods of serious ill health / body not working, I’ve felt beaten but made a decision to control what I can. That’s what has made me mentally stronger, I’ve changed job, lifestyle, car etc to enable me to do what I want / need to do and it’s left me feeling so much better.

I’m sorry that you’re struggling but please don’t undermine other people’s positive experiences by making assumptions that everyone’s experiences will be the same as yours.

It’s odd isn’t it? I turned 40 and I suddenly stop giving a shit what people thought and just started doing what I wanted. I don’t mean I let myself go, or that I became selfish or self-absorbed - I just stopped being anxious about what X thought of me saying Y, or what people might think if I did X. It’s very liberating and I wished I’d done it 15 years earlier.

Hear hear

I'm getting older (mid sixties) and this is me. How many fucks do you think I give now? It's a great life once you have your faculties and reasonable mobility/good health. This poem says it for me....

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple!

Jenny Joseph

I remember going through puberty and my curiosity about how my body knew what to do, I remember thinking how clever my body was when I gave birth twice and again - it knew what to do. Menopause wasn't easy (stroppy teens and a divorce) but I knew that my body would get me through. I'm fatter and have more aches and pains but I feel liberated now that I'm older.
Still curious about life etc and I hope that I always will be.
Great thread.

I love this!

I'm glad others on this thread my age feel happy with the lifestage they are at. Wish I could say the same about myself.

I am 45 and lately I feel invisible to men. Separated 3 years, nearly divorced, 2 children with me most of term time, working full time in a tiring corporate job. Feel terribly lonely, no luck with online dating so far (also have very little time to spare to meet people). Everyone I know is playing happy families. Don't know any single men, forget about any who are remotely interested in me. I'm busy all the time and mostly never alone. But so, so lonely.

I’m in the same position as you with caring but 10 years behind.

l signed up with an online personal trainer to do strength training and it’s brilliant. I can’t get out of the house to go to the gym due to caring so just have a bench and dumbells, I’ve lost 10lbs in weight (because I decided I needed to) and the strength training will help me lift my daughter and her wheelchair. Please think about it - I’d never done anything like it before and it takes some stress away. My daughter sits in the room whilst I work out. I didn’t know it was possible.

This is the real message.

Getting older isn't great, bits of me are failing and I'm tired. I agree that my attitude is so much better but that doesn't need to take 60 years to achieve. Start now young ladies!

What has menopause got to do with mindset. ?

No longer having periods is the best thing of all.