The absolute sheer joy of ageing

[KatParr]

And not giving as much as a shit anymore. Specifically about:
How I look to others (especially men)
Not caring as much about what other people think of me
Pleasing myself more in what I do and who I see

Yes, there are other difficulties but every so often, I look back at younger me (I'm 48 now) and feel a great relief at who I am now and who I'll become as I get older still. I know not everyone gets this but it's a slow epiphany.

"As in, it’s easier to not ’care what men think’ if you are settled.

You ’won’t care’ how people judge your lifestyle, but if you live in a ’correct’ way (spouse, kids, a house) people won’t really judge."

Nah, a single, childfree 67 year old here, and never been happier. Free as a bird to do as I want now I'm retired.

I planned for a pension from the day I started working - those early years count - and made appropriate economies (whose having a life!). Now I can afford the fancy holidays and have the time to take them.

I really feel I'm at the peak of my happiness. I've made new friends, seen new places, my days are pleasantly full of things I want to do. Life is really sweet as long as my health is good.

I think women can reach this stage at different points. Some might never. I would sincerely wish for all women to get there though.
I'm not rich or fit or thin, and I don't think you need to be. I have a history of people pleasing, mental illness, very dysfunctional upbringing etc. This makes it more precious to me to feel this now. I don't go around in a daily state of euphoria about it but every so often, it comes to me: I don't care what you think of me, I don't care if I'm seen as attractive or if I "look my age" (ugh) or not. I've taken time in the last few years to find things which interest me and I do for myself, which had helped. Probably a drop in oestrogen too haha

Thank you so much, I’m sorry to be such a downer , I’m so happy for all of you that have reached such a great stage of life . Just go for it !. I’ll be honest, I’m jealous ! I do have a wonderfully supportive GP, I did come off antidepressants a few months ago because of other heath issues, I think I need to go back on , they do help: I have given up a lot of my life for her, which I don't regret, but it’s all hitting home a bit now.
Thank you for your kind words, sometimes just a bit of sympathy is all thats needed.

I’m 50 and hate it. My age has made no difference to whether I give a shit or not, in fact I’m more measured and less fiery than I used to be. I lack focus, can’t speak properly, anxious and tired (and that’s with HRT). Joints starting to twinge and my face makes me want to weep. I never thought I was vain but I’m a fatty and my face was all I had. Only just realised I was quite attractive and never knew it.

I feel the weight of lost youth and missed opportunities. And the feeling that time is fast running out. Scared of getting ill. The only good thing is I’ve addressed my diet and upped my activity.

My life looks good from the outside my I feel really low. I wish I could channel getting old and loving it 🙁. I’m not depressed as I am happy with my DC, family and friends. It’s just the ageing that is getting me down.

Post menopause here, and on whole I agree. The aging parent bit can fuck off though.

One immense joy is when oestrogen diminishes, so does the urge to placate men or put up with their bullshit for a single moment (if this was ever you).
You don’t have to waste mental space hoping/worrying that men fancy you. All that biological imperative to reproduce - gone! So freeing. It’s like you meet your true self.

Ah, mate. I’m sorry you feel like this. In my experience (bit older than you) this improves. You accept and adjust and find the freedom.

(Also a previously good looking fatty)

You aren't alone. I am thw same hit peri and diagnosed with adenomyosis, fibroids and most debilitating vaginal atrophy for 6 months and I am full of anxiety.

HRT is helping but not all of it and I have younger children.

44 is not what I thought it would be

I'm 48 and loving it too OP! Can't wait to be 50. In peri and just counting down the days till i don't have any more fucking periods! I've found it's got a lot more important to eat well. stay active, take vitamins and minerals - I get very tired if I don't get enough iron - and sleep well. I think one of the most important things though is to have plans and things to look forward to.

This post is really lovely !
I’ve been on both sides of the coin so can see it from both sides !
At 44 I started peri and was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis and then the pandemic hit and it really changed me ! I felt low depressed fat and fed up !
But my arthritis then went into remission and it was like a light 💡 moment u need to sort yourself out otherwise u will be in a pickle !
I quit smoking it’s been a whole year now and joined a healthy eating plan and I have now lost the 3stone I was carrying extra ! I’m 48 now I feel fabulous and free not quiet post meno yet on hrt ! The best thing ladies is really taking care of yourself and I know it’s easy for me to say but honestly up your protein eat less carbs and eat loadsa veggies and fruit ! I feel on top of the world and I never thought I’d feel myself ever again ! I also sacked of any toxic people I had in my life as well x

55 here, and loving it! Less stress about how I look/dress (although feel happier than ever with how I look these days) and far less bothered about saying the things I want to say, so I'm more likely to stand up for myself. Nothing much scares me any more, I've been through some horrible things over the years and I figure I'm tougher than I thought I was. I discovered athletics eight years ago as well and I think that's made a huge difference 👍

Not for everyone. I'm 58 and it hasn't really bothered me tbh. I'm on hrt and nothing much has changed.

Thank you to everyone sharing how you’re feeling, I’ve found my people! I definitely care less what people think as I get older but could do without perimenopause increasing my anxiety, especially when I genuinely am not really stressed about anything bar the usual worries! Any suggestions to reduce peri-induced anxiety will be gratefully received!

I'm sorry you're feeling like that, but if it's any consolation, I think 50-ish can a low point for a lot of women and things do improve after. I'm sure I remember reading an article that said the same.

I remember feeling low myself then with work, menopause probably (even though I was lucky and had an easy one). It seems ages until retirement, and one's career is going nowhere. Plus maybe family issues from both the younger and the older generations. It can be tough.

I hope things pick up for you, things certainly did for me.

I'm 59 and greet you all from the joys of comfy footwear, elasticated waists and genuinely owning no make up (the last lot died of old age and disuse some time ago).

I am only 41 but def feeling some of this!

I am physically the fittest I have been as an adult and rapidly am caring so much less about what others think.

My daughters tell me I look younger than I am and that I am still "cool" so yay to that as well 🤣

I'm menopausal and with HRT, better diet and exercise it's been not so bad. I've got quite a few health issues anyway so just a few more to add to the list 😁

Not a problem for everyone. I had a few hot flushes but the fact that I did not have to go through monthly periods and up and downs of hormones more than compensated.
No I wasn’t on hrt, not everyone needs it.

I'm in my 60s. Dh and I are still happy together and comfortably retired. Our adult children are doing great. I gave my last fuck years ago and now I do what I want when I want how I want. It's wonderful.

Imagine if we had this mind set when we were 20? We could have conquered the world.
Or at least not made as many shit decisions.

Indeed. I was great in my 40s and early 50s. Then menopause hit with a vengeance and the physical decline now that I'm 66 is marked.

My (female) partner is 68, had a total abdominal hysterectomy aged 46 and now has osteoporosis. She's been on meds for it for some years and it's sort of under control but had a knee replacement in 2018 and now needs a new hip - which is excruciatingly painful at present.

Trust me - once you hit the 'early elderly' phase, it's not quite so joyful.

Yes. I started at around 25 and it's so freeing.
It helped that I was surrounded by older/wise women who taught me not to give too much of a shit about unnecessary things.

Yes to this.

I am 57 now and late to the menopause. I have to say that whilst the mindset is still positive the physical reality for me (niggling but quite far ranging health issues and generally looking a bit older and less svelte) has been unwelcome. I am unenthusiastic about the physical manifestations of aging. I am not complaining at all. I am fortunate to be alive and (relatively) well. But as someone who was never particularly hung up on what other people thought of me or overly concerned about my looks, I suppose it I am honest about it, I would rather be as I was a decade or so ago and have the more robust health that I had as a woman in her 40s.

I'll be 58 in 10 days time. My children are grown up now and in their twenties. I've got my own life back on that score and DH and I can go on holiday a couple of times a year again without having to be tied to school holidays.

The "children" are pretty much self sufficient now so our money situation is greatly improved.

I also now seem to be through the menopause. Finally. It took until I was 57 and I had some very rough years during that time, but no periods for just over a year now, meaning I am hopeful and it is very liberating.

There are aches and pains and I don't doubt that more will creep in, and I have a very elderly mother, but I am generally happy at this time of my life. I give zero shits about what anyone else thinks about me.

In my late 60's. Learning to ride an e-bike and having an absolute ball. Don't give a flying fuck who thinks what of me, although the local 10 years old boys have been wonderful down at the play park! Very encouraging and great fun.

Life's fun. I have two dogs to take out and the local dog walking community is wonderful - we all chat - sometimes briefly, sometimes stop for a while but it's all good.

I have a husband in care who I visit and spend as much time as possible with, but the rest of my day is spent well, playing...books, music, bike, dogs, cooking (my choices of food). Wait for it ladies - you'll get here,