Behind every sports success is a pushy parent. Aibu to agree?

[Breakdancing]

https://non-perfectdad.co.uk/does-every-sport-success-have-a-pushy-parent-behind-them/

I would agree with this article to a certain extent.

Also I think pushiness may be the wrong word, I'm sure in many cases it is being deeply supportive in making sure their dc has everything to help them in their path to success.

I haven’t read the article, but I think some people who become elite athletes were restless children with incredibly supportive parents who helped them channel their energies constructively, instead of thinking of them as a pain in the backside and getting angry with them. High maintenance children.

Behind every/most ‘greater depth’ Primary student is an ‘interested’ parent. Too many assume ‘natural’ giftedness alone in the UK.

Yes, I don't think it's a pushy parent that a child needs at all - it's a supportive one who is prepared to put in the time and effort and sacrifices required.

One of my friends has a pre-teen child who is an exceptional footballer. He isn't at all a pushy parent and neither is his partner, but as a family they spend huge amounts of time taking their child to training, tournaments, away games (although he's really young, he's at a level where away games can be a few hours' drive away) etc and they've had to sacrifice spending on other things to pay for a lot of the stuff he needs, training camps etc. And there's obviously the emotional support side of it too. They're not pushing him but they're giving up a lot to support him.

Not necessarily pushy, but dedicated. DS is in a national league team for his sport so not elite but decent level. He only got into it in Y7 and is completely his choice, but it takes a lot of dedication from us as parents in terms of time, money, sacrificing family days for games, holidays for training camps etc.

I’m constantly told I’m a pushy parent. I make sure my son has a good balance between extra-curriculars (Beavers, bouldering and generally being outside which is great for mental health) and academics. For example over the summer holidays we are doing about an hour a day, most days, practicing spellings, times tables and handwriting, as well as reading aloud and independently. He can earn extra screen time for doing this and it’s never a battle. He has complex
disabilities but is cognitively very able.

I don’t see this as pushy, I see it as supporting my child to become the best he can be and to open up doors to him. Given the option he would happily spend all day every day on screens, but he is 7 and that’s not the life I want for him. He's heavily involved in community projects and has been nominated for two really incredible awards this year, which is helping him to understand that amazing feeling of accomplishment when you work hard.

I also make sure he has plenty of down time, he’s practicing meditation and breathing techniques, he’s learning the importance of rest. Funnily enough I’m not called pushy for encouraging those 🤔

My son is an elite sportsman.

Ime the kids that achieve young have parents who are pushy. Whether they push and that's why they start young and excel young or they do well and parents become pushy -I don't know. I think I've seen both from looking from the outside.

These kids often burn out and quit.

My ds had severe MH struggles at a young age and I encouraged him to find activities he enjoyed and not worry about trying to follow a particular path. He choose his sport as loved it and also we found him a school with pastoral care.

I supported him to do what he wanted and always said he wasn't on a journey without stations - he can get off and choose a different direction.

But he loves his sport. He was always behind others his age and came up through the ranks slower. But as they've all left he's continued and become pretty good at it.

I obviously support him 100% - but I don't and won't "push". It's his thing. If he does it it's got to be because he wants too.

But if pushy parent means getting up at 4am to take them training and driving around the country to competitions then o definitely meet the criteria 😂

There are some that are pushy. Usually the child is playing a sport they did or do and have become a vicarious outlet. There some high profiles that fit this, but we shouldn't name.
But the vast majority are just very supportive and make sacrifices, often to the detrement of the siblings, to give them every opportunity and pay for expert coaching. I know an elite teen swimmer from a completely non swimming background. The parents are at the pool 5.30am 5 days a week. At competitions weekends. Shop and cook specific diets, use AL for Euro competitions and are active members of the swimming administration. They never pushed anything but make huge sacrifices in time and money.

I think having saying you need a "pushy parent" is wildly over simplifying.

My DC represented GB as an 17/18yo.
No amount of any parent pushing would have gotten them there-they had to want to be there and put in the graft-both mental and physical.

But yes- there is a huge amount of parental contribution to get them there-incredibly early starts, driving, feeding, buying kit etc etc involved.
Lots of expense and sacrifice. Which I think is different than pushing.

It is supporting.
Family holidays missed (by their choice) and holidays booked round their competition. Proms missed. Family events such as weddings missed.

By the time my DC was 17 the only person that could have driven this was them.
No amount of "pushing" from us would have made any difference.
If anything it would have put them off and I saw a number of athletes fall by the wayside as they lost interest or resented being pushed.

I was county level at 6 different athletic events as well as on my county netball team. My parents couldn't have been less interested.

I presume those who push their children might have high achieving children/teens but once the young person's own motivations come more into play, they might well give up the sport. The level of Olympic athletes etc, the person's motivation has got to come from them.

I can’t remember which one, but one of the Olympic Irish swimmers thanked his mum for getting up at 4.30 every morning to drive them to swimming training. I think of course in some cases it’s pushy parents, but if the child doesn’t have the passion and love for it I would think there’s less possibility. I think it’s a mixture of a focused, hardworking, dedicated child and a supportive parent

I agree. I watched the Beckham documentary on Netflix and was surprised at how much he was driven as a child by his dad. Everyone talks about his ‘natural’ talent and his talent as a footballer was undeniable, but I’m sure he’d be just an ordinary bloke now if his parents had thought to give him a more balanced ‘normal’ childhood.

I don't see there being an issue supporting your child with a sport or activity that they genuinely show interest and aptitude in. Where it becomes uncomfortable is when you see parents pushing things on kids that they've chosen for them. As parents we have a responsibility to be open-minded and flexible, and to expose kids to new activities and experiences so that they then can make an informed decision about what they like best. Then we can support them in that activity. If children are forced down a certain path my experience and observation is that generally, they not only reject said activity in later life but choose to live in a way that opposes it.

This same philosophy goes for lifestyle choices as well. Lots of children who have been forced to church (for example) reject it later on. My DH is one of them. He would say he's not averse even to going to church, it's just that being forced into strict attendance every Sunday plus lots of other commitments (he comes from a devout Catholic family) has turned him against it. My father chose a political path that was in direct opposition to his father's. A friend I know who was brought up in a meticulously clean and middle-class environment with a strict mother has chosen non-conformity in almost every way since leaving home. She lives in a way that her mother despairs of and as a result they barely speak!

Human beings are complex creatures and parents need to treat very carefully, respecting decision-making and self-advocacy from an early age.

I know a gold medal winning Olympian. It was 100% all them wanting it. They were very lucky to have incredibly supportive parents who made the time (and had the money) to enable their training etc but certainly didn’t push them into the sport at all.

Not necessarily. In some cases, definitely. I know one and can't stand her. Her child is just a little meat machine destined for Olympic glory so she can feel proud of something because she didn't do much with her own life. She doesn't give a shit what he wants or likes. He once tried to tell her he has no desire to enter the Olympics, but she just laughed at him. Unfortunately for him, he has talent and she trains him from 5am every day. He'll rebel.

But then there are parents who are highly responsive and assist their children, moving heaven and earth, sacrificing hours and money to enable a child's true passion to go as far as it can. I admire those parents.

One of the Olympians said during lockdown her mum had said to her, 'Those athletes on TV, you used to train with all of them. Sure you don't want another try?' I think she'd just won a gold - definitely a medal. I thought - that's a great parent - giving a nudge to an adult child to ensure a dream didn't slip through their fingers.

I agree op, but it’s not just sport. I was talking to someone and I said I thought riding parents were the pushiest until my daughter started doing music competitions (NOT the Tchaikovsky piano prize, just local festivals and eisteddfods). He said you haven’t experienced dance competition parents……

I think pushy is the wrong word. In my experience, successful children have parents ( or parent) who go the extra bit to help put opportunities their way and encourage them to reach high be it with emotional, practical, financial support, or all three.

No idea, what others do with their children does not have to be about me and mine

Maybe people need to put others down to make themselves feel better?

This is the case with my 9 year old. She's talented at one sport she does and the reason we do so much activity is because she is just a whirlwind. She doesn't sleep unless exhausted from loads of activity and if she isn't at a club she's doing pull ups on the door frames, back flipping off the settee etc.

No idea where the sport will take her but the plan is for her to keep being sporty into adulthood as I know it's one thing that keeps her mental health stable (she's an anxious girl).

I think it’s very hard for a child to excel without a parent willing to facilitate it whether that’s through supporting practice, driving to classes etc. I remember one of the England footballers said he was massively grateful to his sister for taking him on 2-3 buses every evening to his academy classes. His sister presumably sacrificed an awful lot to do that.

Some sports will be easier than others to pick up later in which case there will be more about internal drive but I bet the adults that pick up things like rowing were doing lots of other sports as children to a reasonable level.

My daughter does tennis and it seems like unless you’re on a county pathway by 8 you’re not going to make it. Realistically the kids that get spotted will have probably started at 3/4 and be having private coaching by 7. They alone is going to be massively expensive.

Completely agree with this too, it's not just sports, academics, music, dance every child who wants to achieve needs a supportive parent willing to go the extra mile to keep them on the right path to excel.

“Pushy”‘ suggests pushing others out of the way. But I would agree there needs to be an incredibly organised and supportive parent. I can draw parallels with music or drama: the children absolutely at the top are naturally gifted but also have parents with the time and resources to take them to the extra lessons, the special holiday camps etc

Not necessarily pushy, but supportive... And either with connections or well off.

The children have to want it too though ; it's tough at the top.

I think it depends on the sport as well - some are definitely more demanding than others - swimming seems to involve a great deal of effort, whereas when my son was competing at a good level in athletics he was "only" training 4 times a week, at civilised times of day!

We went to a few training camps but I didn't really see it as "sacrificing holidays", it was just something we did in the odd half term break (usually February).

I didn't feel like we were sacrificing things. We occasionally had to drive him to a competition and buy a pair of new shoes. I think his coach was the real heroine - she gave up loads of her time for her coachees (and still does).