Behind every sports success is a pushy parent. Aibu to agree?

[Breakdancing]

https://non-perfectdad.co.uk/does-every-sport-success-have-a-pushy-parent-behind-them/

I would agree with this article to a certain extent.

The flip side is how incredible it is to succeed if you don't have dedicated parents. Daley Thompson and Dele Ali spring to mind, I can't think of many others. Simone Biles' trajectory is also incredible, I'm sure her grandparents were very dedicated but her start in life wasn't.

It depends on what you mean by pushy.

Two of mine swam at a reasonably high level but were never going to be elite. I saw lots of swimmers with potential. Those with pushy parents (pushy in the sense they pushed the kids) generally burnt out and quit. Those with parents who pushed for the supports and environments their dedicated dc needed to succeed while also protecting the dc from the excessive pushiness of coaches and clubs were much more likely to succeed. I would class that type of parent as supportive though rather than pushy.

I supported him to do what he wanted and always said he wasn't on a journey without stations - he can get off and choose a different direction.

@itsgettingweird I love this quote, it's actually very applicable to my daughter at the moment who has spent most of her childhood on one activity at a high level but wants to cut back & try a new sport. I'm finding it very hard to step back after all the time & money spent. She wants to try track & field.

I would replace the word pushy with invested and say that the answer to the question is an undeniable 100% yes

Pushy only gets you so far. You can have all the money and support avail but the fast-twitch muscles, or amazing voice to get a kid to the top of their field is outside parental control

That train quote is lovely.

I thought the same. I loved the insight from his dad, he was very honest with the way he brought David up & I've no doubt a driving force behind his success.

I'm not sure pushy is the right word, but yes you have to have parents behind them.

The child has to have a natural talent at something and a desire to do it, but if parents aren't involved then that's it.

There's also a lot of things that you only get into through your parents. If you never get to try something, you never know if you're good at it. Sometimes I wonder about all the people who could be Gold medalists in pole-volting, bouldering or show jumping but have never got the chance.

There are so many sports, musical instruments and other activities that children never have a chance to try.

Please listen to her. I have seen so many kids who are only doing one sport at a high level left with nothing when they quit. Mine all did multiple sports. DD eventually quit swimming when she realised that upcoming exams meant she would have to either quit swimming or quit everything else (ballet and drama). Mind you, she took up gymnastics then...

Sport is so good for teens, particularly girls. If she can keep active at a decent level it will stand to her. I know what you mean about the investment though. You presumably have made friends and built relationships with other parents within the sport. It's hard to let that go.

Thanks @OchonAgusOchonOh it's so hard. She doesn't want to stop completely more cut back & not compete much. She is very determined to start athletics & has been begging since watching the European athletics championships back in June

I’ve known teens step back from a particular sports path and return in different ways later. That might be at uni or as an adult. We have to trust them to have enjoyed how sport made them feel and for them to look for that later. Might be something new or at a less competitive level but still so good for their health and well-being

I think motivation is intrinsic in the child. It's a mix of talent and training.
I wouldn't have got up at 5 in the morning week in, week out to take them to swimming practice.

Key thing here is you having her back when coaches try to dissuade her from cutting back. Their focus is the club, with individual athletes coming a distant second.

What is the sport she wants to cut back on? Cutting back is easier with some sports than others.

pushy parent means getting up at 4am to take them training and driving around the country to competitions

This. To do that you need a SAHM orSAHD or a nanny. It's an immense time and money commitment. I know a couple of "elite" athletes and their lives revolved around the sports from a very early age.

It's modern dance, we've invested so heavily over the years both timewise & money wise 😩

Dd is on track to become an elite athlete if she wants to. She has several goals she wants to hit first and then see where it takes her, she may change her mind.

I have been a pushy parent- when she injured herself and needed an operation ASAP, I had to push the NHS every step of the way, but other than that that, I've tried for supportive and encouraging.

I came to an agreement with her coach many years ago that I will leave the coaching to him, and he's to leave the parenting to me. Sometimes, those lines blur. His job is to push her, mine is to ensure her health and wellbeing. He will debrief her after a competition, I will share her joy or despair.

Can you give me a little insight into what track & field entails? Does it get very expensive?

@Lincoln24 & Fatima Whitbread.

David Beckham is an interesting example where he might not have been the most naturally talented footballer (?) but steely resolve & endless practice & determination made him a success story (?)

Agree with whoever said it's sometimes parents finding an outlet for a very high energy, high needs, emotional child. I will drive my DC to training twice a week and games on weekends and take them to practice whenever they want because they need that level of exercise, they are obsessed with it and it's a huge part of their identity. having started school during covid and missed out on so much socialising and education as a result the fact that they have a sport they love and a club they belong to is a huge relief and I will do anything to support it because frankly it keeps us both sane. I feel like my DC learn a huge amount from sport too and it's making them more resilient. There are definitely parents on the sidelines who are pushy, aggressively so, but the other parents just ignore them and most that I see support their kids because they know it's good for them to be in a team. Who knows who will end up going professional? That's also about geography and luck.

You sound a great Mum.

I am often complimented on my spelling and that is mainly down to Mum. Dad got a job and was offered a promotion back in the 1970s but his spelling was not up to much, so a few evenings a week Mum would do spelling tests for Me and for Dad, and as I was in Primary school it helped me as well.
It helped both of us throughout Life.

Sport though, I am no good at any Sport.

I like watching some sports such as Gymnastics, Diving and Ice Skating.

There are exceptions. But for most sports at Olympic level it means the family puts the times and resources into one child. The other children trail behind.

I really wish my parents had been "pushy" or more supportive /invested whatever you want to call it. I have a natural talent for sports and athletics without any real training. I have been watching the Olympics and it got me thinking about this, I'm not resentful of my parents, but I wish I'd been given opportunities for clubs and extra curricular activities.

I'll never push my son into doing something he doesn't like, but I'll be giving him opportunities to try new things , and if he likes something then we will stick with it and support him, as long as he enjoys it. He's into football and golf at the moment but he's still young.

Supportive parent, rather than pushy IMO.

Still needs the environment to be able to access the teaching (like taking them to school every day, not constantly telling the kid 'School's shit and those teachers are idiots', possibly doing reading and spellings, buying resources or making them at home, setting questions or projects where there isn't anything left to do from school, allowing books, giving permission to do additional activities, making sure they're properly fed and clothed, not giving them a thump for thinking they're something special, not training them to never, ever mention how crap it is at home in case somebody intervenes).

Goes on at secondary, too - making sure they have somewhere to study, going on the trips, doing the activities, having the equipment, agreeing for them to stay on at school past 16, paying for UCAS applications, completing the parents' part of the grant forms, not telling them that university's not for kids like them.

Academic success is absolutely dependent upon parental contribution irrespective of natural ability.