Behind every sports success is a pushy parent. Aibu to agree?

[Breakdancing]

https://non-perfectdad.co.uk/does-every-sport-success-have-a-pushy-parent-behind-them/

I would agree with this article to a certain extent.

One of mine has represented the UK in 2 different disability sports in 6 different countries. Between 11 and 14 we were taking him to different training days/weekends maybe 5 days out of 8 at weekends. From 14 he began to cross London independantly,changing tube lines to go to training. This had led him to be a confident travellor. We would still take him to matches at weekends. Often spending 8 hours out of our home.

Some of the benefits of his involvement in elite sport - mixing with other young people from all over the UK. Meeting people who had the same disability ( he was the only one with his quite obvious disability in his mainstream school) . Who became positive role models. Learning how to keep himself fit and eat healthily. Lots of fun. Playing in 5 different countries in 4 different continents and meeting players from those countries. Going on to train as a coach and give back to younger players. Doing a degree in sport and working in sports development... and still taking part in sport though not at elite level.

Some disadvantages - one of his brothers needing to come to some of the matches/training sessions with us and getting bored( he also did a sport til he was about 13) having to arrange weekends away around matches.

And my husband getting involved in the sport and still volunteering a day every weekend even though our son is not involved any more !

Dd doesn't do athletics so unfortunately not. She ran the 1500m in school and hated it.

For those saying families of elite athletes have to sacrifice other family members dreams, I disagree. Some parents might choose to do this, but it isn't the norm.

Dh and I split our resources when our dc were small, ensuring that each of our dc were able to do the activities they wanted (within budget). What we spent on one, we spent on the others, but on different things depending on the hobby. We wouldn't agree to something for one of them, if the others couldn't have a similar for their needs.

The sibling thing is also interesting. My eldest is desperate to up her swimming hours but that means some very late nights for my 5yo and I’m not prepared to do it yet until she’s old enough to join club sessions and can cope better with a later evening. It would have to be much easier with an only and no-idea how people would manage if they were one of 3 or 4.

The other challenge is the risk of compromising grades for sports that aren’t so financially lucrative. The GB long jumper seemed to be heading back to work pretty quickly after the Olympics and while being 5/6 in the world is amazing, it won’t pay the bills but he was able to keep his options open and get to a high level while having a more normal career. Some sports don’t offer that. I wouldn’t be prepared to have an 12 year old miss loads of school for gymnastics to do 30 hours a week training as the chances of making it are so slim but lots of the track athletes seem to go to university or US college and combine education with sport, same for some of the team sports. I’d be far happier to support a sport that allowed for an education as well.

I’ve been following some of the top junior tennis players and hadn’t realised how much international competition they’re doing by 12/13 and how many do home school to manage the schedule. It’s a massive gamble as If you hit top 50 the money will be worth it, but if you’re a pro in the 250 range you’re probably broke with limited options.

I wouldn’t be prepared to have an 12 year old miss loads of school for gymnastics to do 30 hours a week training as the chances of making it are so slim but lots of the track athletes seem to go to university or US college and combine education with sport, same for some of the team sports.

Granted it won’t be open to many, but US athletics scholarships are also a not uncommon route for elite gymnasts from the UK.

@Breakdancing I was a track & field athlete - unfortunately can’t comment on price etc as I lived in the States and all was done through school. We did a lot of fundraising as a team to travel to meets. What I can say was that it was brilliant experience for me and I still run a lot now 20 odd years later which has obviously been great for my physical health throughout my life.

Pushy is just shorthand for supportive, willing to make sacrifice etc as they are prioritising the sport or pop career over other things.

I think a lot of parents call other parents "pushy" because they are embarrassed that their kids are not making it and need to come up with some negative reason why other kids are more successful. it can't be that the successful kids are more talented or harder working than their kids, it must be the "negative" way the pushy parents are bringing them up by forcing things on them.So they get to blame other parents for why their kids are not achieving, because the ones that are are hothousing. Maybe easier to do this that to face up to your own kids lack of talent or your own poor parenting.

Why is it poor parenting to not want to get up at 5am to take your dc to a sport or not sacrifice your own career because you need time for auditions etc. Plenty of parents make sacrifices & their dc don’t reach sporting glory or lead actor roles etc

For those saying families of elite athletes have to sacrifice other family members dreams, I disagree. Some parents might choose to do this, but it isn't the norm.

Unless all your dc do the same sport how can a sibling not be impacted?

Family member is an Olympic swimmer and his parents were supportive rather than pushy. He is an only child which makes it easier I think. They also lived near the training pool which helped, although there were lots of early mornings until he could drive himself!

“Pushy is just shorthand for supportive”.

I disagree with this slightly. A pushy parent puts their desires first. There was a thread recently about a mum wanting her dd to continue playing an instrument, even though the child wanted to give it up. This is being pushy. A supportive parent would accept their child’s decision.

Of course they’re impacted but the point the PP was making was that it doesn’t mean other DC don’t get opportunities or miss out on their dreams and passions. And as a family you work really hard to lessen the impact and to ensure that each child gets as much attention, one on one time, support, etc.

I dont think you have to be pushy. I supported my son to a high level in sport and I wasn't pushy in terms of making him do it or pushing for opportunities.

But I did have to pay for stuff and drive round loads and sit for endless training sessions.

I disagree with this slightly. A pushy parent puts their desires first. There was a thread recently about a mum wanting her dd to continue playing an instrument, even though the child wanted to give it up.

Is that really pushy though? One of my dc begged to start a hobby, did 2 test sessions etc, they were still desperate to do it so I paid the termly fee. After a few wks they were over it, I still made them finish the term.

You simply can not provide the same attention or resources to all children in your family if one is on track to be an elite athlete.
If you had one on track for tennis, you could not do the same for another who decided they wanted to be a top swimmer. There can only be one top athlete, unless you have more than one doing the same sport.

I don't think pushy parents but supportive and enabling parents. I drive my DC to training 3 x a week 40 mile round trip. Matches every weekend often 50 mile round trip and further for county games. Cross training 2 or 3 times a week so swimming/running and Crav Maga/karate and gym sessions. He wants to go and either DH or I drive him and buy his kit and equipment. He has 1-1 sessions most weeks for technical improvement. If he didn't want to do it he wouldn't. Some of the people he used to train with can't get to all sessions because parents can't/won't drive them. They have fallen behind the ones who do all training.

@goodkidsmaadhouse I’m not talking about letting the other dc do activities/clubs etc but how does it work if you have one dc desperate to be a swimmer, one an actor & one a footballer. How can parents have the time & money to invest in all that? One of my DCs friend is a promising footballer, he has 3 evening sessions a week and matches on Sat & Sun, the other dc still do a weekly swimming class or whatever but family life is planned around football. Similar for a colleague with a promising swimmer.

@Nadeed exactly

I don’t think that’s necessarily true at all. A lot of it depends on availability of family members (two of DD’s friends are driven to training by a grandparent, for example), timing of training, frequency of competitions, possibility of lifts from team mates… etc. I know a lot of families that do it because unsurprisingly you do often get multiple kids in one family in elite sport.

Yes, this. I mean, knock yourself out to support your child athlete by all means, but be under no illusions about the toll it takes on the rest of the family. Is it worth it? I don’t think so, no.

I played a sport for GB when I was a junior and no, my parents weren't pushy at all. I had an amazing coach and was very driven. It quite surprised my bookish, wine guzzling parents that they produced me.

I don't think pushy parents but supportive and enabling parents. I drive my DC to training 3 x a week 40 mile round trip. Matches every weekend often 50 mile round trip and further for county games. Cross training 2 or 3 times a week so swimming/running and Crav Maga/karate and gym sessions. He wants to go and either DH or I drive him and buy his kit and equipment. He has 1-1 sessions most weeks for technical improvement. If he didn't want to do it he wouldn't. Some of the people he used to train with can't get to all sessions because parents can't/won't drive them. They have fallen behind the ones who do all training.

The above is a huge commitment. Would you be upset if your dc gave it all up?

Sorry we cross posted. I mean obviously the family is going to need to have enough money to do it. In terms of your friend with the footballer - only one parent needs to go to the matches on Sat and Sun; that doesn’t need to impact the other kids. Lots of families do lift shares for training (and indeed matches).

Yes, this. I mean, knock yourself out to support your child athlete by all means, but be under no illusions about the toll it takes on the rest of the family. Is it worth it? I don’t think so, no.

For every tennis or footballer superstar there are thousands that dont make it.

💯 I know several kids who are excellent at their sport and every single one of them has a ‘pushy’ parent behind them.

In terms of your friend with the footballer - only one parent needs to go to the matches on Sat and Sun; that doesn’t need to impact the other kids. Lots of families do lift shares for training (and indeed matches).

Her DH works shifts & sometimes weekends so she does have to rely on extended family & lift shares etc. And it means they have very, very little time together as a whole family.

It can be done, dh and I would tag team. Training staggered meaning we could drop one, drop the second, collect the first and collect the second. The third child would be with the other parent.
Not all training is on the same day.
Competitions are often on different days and the rare occasion they clash, you call in a friend/ family member/ coach.
It was bloody hard at times, but seeing my now young adults growing into themselves absolutely made it worthwhile.