Unsure if I am overreacting or if this is irresponsible?

[Nerrr78]

My DD 13 stayed at her friends house the other day. Friends mother allowed them to go down to local beach (10 minutes walk) in their short pjs to watch sunrise at 4.30am on their own. DD told me the next day and I was upset that this had happened and I knew nothing about it. What if something had happened to them, I was asleep, thinking my DD was asleep, safe at her friends home.

DD said friends mother had said they could go the night before as long as they didn't wake her up.

How do I approach this without causing too much conflict?

As if a child staying at a friends house is going to say suddenly, in the middle of doing something fun, that the friend's mum has allowed. "hold on, in think this might cross my mum's boundaries, I'll just give her a call and check. If she says no, we'll have to halt proceedings" FGS!

Well I wouldn't expect such airy fairy language but yes, it is entirely reasonable to expect a 13 year old to say "I'll need to check with my mum". It's concerning that so many people think that teenagers need to be babied so much. Parents of 13 year olds should be teaching them to start managing their own safe behaviour and that would certainly include being able to stop and think about whether something is safe/allowed and not just charging ahead without checking first.

I definitely wouldn’t be happy if it were my daughter and would never let her sleep over that friends house again. I shudder to think of what could have happened. The mother certainly acted irresponsibly and if the subject came up I would tell her exactly that.

I wouldn’t be keen on that at all. I don’t think they need to go to the beach at that time of the morning. If it was that important they should have gone with a parent. Some 13 year olds are quite sensible but some are very immature and could be messing around or if there was a problem they wouldn’t know what to do.

This

Oh my gosh- my friends and I did this (can’t remember the style of our pyjamas though) on the day after my 12th birthday, when we’d camped in my garden. We lived two streets back from the beach.

Its a wonderful memory.

Oh, and my parents were completely unaware 😬.

I don’t agree. I’m not about being over-protective, but these are very young girls essentially walking out in the short pyjamas in the middle of the night. Adult women fully clothed often walk with their keys in their hands if out alone in the early hours of the morning.

@Nerrr78 as others have suggested, I probably wouldn’t say anything to the other parent unless you know them very well, but I wouldn’t be inclined to let her stay over at that house again. I think allowing young girls to do this “so long as they don’t wake her up” is unusual and odd behaviour and not something most parents would do. We live fairly near the coast and I can’t imagine any of my daughter’s friends who only lived 10-minutes away allowing two 13-year-old girls to do this.

I couldn't sleep if I knew that was going on,I'd have to go with them. Having said that my youngest daughter went on a lot of sleepovers and I am worrying what they got up to now.

Fast forward to the news story 13 year old girls are raped/assaulted whilst out in the early hours and every person on this post who has said what she allowed was ok would be saying where were the parents. In my opinion 💯 % not ok. Wouldn’t let her stay there again for certain

Jeez even back in the late 80s/early 90s I wouldn't have been allowed to do this and we were basically raised feral.

If this was phrased like 2 x 13yr olds walked home at 4am at night and friends Mum said it was fine - I'm sure the response would be different.

What do you do now after the fact? I'm not sure. It's either you have a conversation and say 'I'm not comfortable with this and wouldn't want it to happen again'. Or it's just a 'you're not staying at that person's house again until your older'.

I did this as a kid but we just sneaked out...didnt tell anyone

The world has gotten overly protective of their kids

Having said that, the other parent should have
Asked
You

I now remember why sleepovers were banned when my children were at school.

@Disillusionedwithlife I've somehow managed to not quote you, but regarding your 'I think this is unkind' comment, I completely agree. It's really easy to think of one part of a name and substitute the other with that of a well known person... I do it all the time and have witnessed others doing the same.

I don't doubt your sincerity if it helps you feel better.

OP I'd be bothered by this. Don't know why as reason says it would likely be fine, but if someone was about it might be tempting to try an opportunist sexual crime.

Haven’t rtft so others may have already said, but it was Josie Russell and her mother Lin and sister Megan. Josie survived the attack by Michael Stone. Lin and Megan died.

Josie Lawrence is an actress.

Sounds like a fun thing to have done... I did something similar at a similar age. I'm sure if the other parents had any concerns they wouldn't have allowed it. And at least the girls asked. I'd leave it for now. Don't ruin a friendship and a fun experience.

Exactly! God, no wonder kids are getting to young adulthood with no ability to exist as independent humans and with zero common sense - they're not allowed to develop any.

What amazing experience for your dd! She's 13 and watching the sunrise with her friend. I don't see the issue. Take it they have a phone with them

I would have been furious. Why didnt the mother go with them? No way I would let my 14 year old out in the middle of the night and even less with a friend Im responsable for!
I would not let him go to the beach by himself or with a friend during daytime! Teens are not adults and need to be supervised. What if they took a swim and went far away and drowned? I always reassure mums that I will be watching them closely when in water. You cant count on the lifeguards for your children, they are your responsability.

I’m with you @Shawdee . I would not go outside my house at 4:30am and I’m a grown woman. No way would I allow children to do so!

Yes stranger attacks are rare but they do happen, I was a victim of a stranger assault in my late teens and it left me with life changing injuries and PTSD. I would be really annoyed to be honest!

too young to be doing this on their own at that time of day in my opinion.

I think your conversation needs to be with your Daughter tbh. She should have rang you asking if it was ok with you before planning anything with her friend. The other parent obviously trusts her Daughter but was irresponsible to say not to wake her before they left. She should have at least been awake to see them leave & make sure they returned safe. She would have been awake no longer than half an hour at most & could've gone back to bed once the girls got home. Ask your Daughter to run things past you before doing anything in future when she's having a sleepover.