To say no to 16year olds flying alone

[Dreamholidaynot]

To America!

I have a set of twins that turned 16 last week. Their dad is American but lived in the UK most of his life, returned home to New York about 6 years ago when we divorced.

His birthday is at the end of the month so he would like to give them a fabulous holiday in New York for about 8 days starting next week. He has an amazing itinerary with every day packed which is awesome.

The problem is, he wants them to travel on their own from London to JFK. They've travelled to the US and other places with me, never on their own and I think it's too much for them to do! The whole airport palaver, 13hr flight, immigration, etc They have an visa waiver from when we traveled there last year but it was still a stressful journey. What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'? I'm terrified but I don't want to ruin their lives because of my own anxiety.

I know 16year olds can travel on their own. My son's best friend just returned from France with another friend and I hear this is the age they do this on their own. I just can't imagine it. My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'. He traveled a lot from a young age with the army. He also travels at very short notice due to his work but I usually need more time to prepare for things like this.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to this journey. Would you let your own 16yr old travel without a parent or guardian that far away?

Please be kind, I've posted here because I'm desperate for some real opinions but already feeling fragile because my son is already sulking at me and I the ex pressing me. Time is of the essence if they are going.

Thank you

I flew to the US on my own at 16 and this was years ago. It is much easier now let them go

Let them go.

At 16 they're more than capable. You don't even need to help them pack, bar handing them their passports at the airport.

It will be character building and they get to enjoy their dad's birthday with him.

@Dreamholidaynot make sure you read the entry requirements.

"Children and young people
Anyone aged 17 and under must:

• have a valid visa or ESTA visa waiver on arrival
• be able to provide evidence about the purpose, location and length of their visit if asked by immigration officials
• have written consent from one or both parents if travelling alone, with only one parent, or with someone who is not a parent or legal guardian

"

from https://www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/usa/entry-requirements.

I would get their Dad to write them a letter inviting them and including his name and address that they can carry.

And it looks like they may need a letter from you to get through immigration. I suggest you include their return date on it too

I don't think you are being unreasonable, I wouldn't like it personally but I am a very protective mum. Only you can decide really. Go with your gut.

I’d much rather my 16 year olds did this rather than the drug/booze fuelled festivals they all seem to head towards after gcse results!

I honestly cannot see the issue?

I did an indirect flight solo at 15. To a much more difficult country to get into than the USA!

There's two of them too. They'll be absolutely fine. I expect they have mobile phones. So if you're that worried you can communicate with them until they're on the plane. The other end you can't really get lost.

USA immigration officals can be a bit awkward. So make sure they have details of their return journey and know their plans for their return (what school they go to and stuff) as they can ask the weirdest things to check you're not planning to stay.

If their dad lives in the USA and is american. I expect this will happen more and more. Is getting them a USA passport a possibility?

@Dreamholidaynot they're old enough to father their own kids! Of course they can fly alone!

I flew on my own at 16 to the south of france having to change planes in Paris.

It will be fun for them!

Your concern for your children is entirely understandable but the reality is that you are sending them into a controlled and secure environment with innumerable staff trained to assist should they need help. In reality, it’s safer than letting them take a bus to the local mall.

Back in the days of the unaccompanied minor, my daughter flew alone to the Uk aged 7. She loved it - although was highly indignant at having to wear an identifying lanyard. She objected to being treated like a helpless child!

Your twins are on the verge of adulthood. Let them spread their wings both literally and metaphorically.

Your children will not thank you for denying them this amazing opportunity.

They aren't babies.

I used to fly as an unaccompanied minor from 5 years and then from 12 on my own. They will be fine.

Absolutely.

Go through with them the sorts of questions they might be asked at immigration; do they have to fill in any forms on the plane?

Make sure they understand the rules about liquids etc - though you'll presumably be there until they go through security so can help them with that.

No batteries/chargers etc in checked luggage.
But an air tag in there can be very useful! In fact an air tag in their hand luggage could be helpful too.

Remind them what to double check as they get off the plane - passports, phones, wallets. Other things are usually replaceable but those are easy to leave behind and cause the most hassle. I wouldn't get a bum bag as those aren't very comfortable to wear all the time, but a flat one that can go around the neck and under clothes if needed might be better.

Make sure they know to start going to the gate early, as sometime it's a long walk or train shuttle to the gates.

Get an eSim like Nomad or something for their phones, so that they can start using them - or data at least - as soon as they arrive. Or you could just allow their normal phone plans if there is a travel pack, but it might be very expensive. Sometimes I use it just for the first day, until I get other things sorted.

Have a couple of back-up plans, like where to meet their dad if they can't contact him for some reason, like phones not working or no signal or whatever, so that if all else fails, they can just go there and wait. Having some US cash is a good idea too.

Tell them to be polite and sensible and not make jokes with US immigration officers.

They'll have a great time. Hope you can plan something nice for yourself to do in the time they're away as well, so that you can worry less.

It fine to have anxiety but maybe yours is a little more than others, kindly have you sought help via your go for this fear?

any parent would be worried in this situation, it is expected, but you can make it as safe as possible for them.

brief them about the airport - you will see them through security but make sure they know how to find their gate (look at online maps of the terminals), remind them to look at the boards and leave with plenty of time to get to the gate. Let the airline know they are travelling alone for the first time. Let them know who to go to if there is a problem. Store phone numbers of the airline in Their phone and also of their passports and tickets.

in essence minimise any perceived risks for them. you can’t cover every eventuality (turbulence) and you rationally know that ‘baddies’’ are very unlikely.

If you can give them some money for food, drink and a treat at the airport.

what a great opportunity for them to see where their Dad lives.

I flew at 16 to Germany on my own, dropped by my parents and then collected at the other end by my brother.

They've done the journey before so it's not unfamiliar to them

I'd let them go

YABVU to your DCs

My sister flew from Scotland - London - Hong Kong on her own to visit me when she has just turned 17. Was a terrific adventure for her, helped her with confidence skills and felt pretty safe...

2 issues. Whether you should say yes and whether its OK to worry. 100% let them go. And yes I would be worried sick but that's a you problem not their problem. My ds is the same age and I do worry a lot especially when somewhere new or alone. I try really hard to hide this worry from him, he should not have to experience guilt for being young and wanting to do things and definitely shouldn't be encouraged to become anxious himself.

They are together - what an adventure for them! There are plenty of people at the airport / on the plane that can help and point them in the right direction.

It's a very controlled environment, the possibilities for anything going wrong is tiny - let them go.

Sounds like an amazing trip for them. Would be a pity for them to miss out due to your anxiety about the journey

Honestly, I'm probably over protective at times, but I'd send them on this trip

Agree with this.
I think 16 is old enough to go as they are together, and being dropped off one end and met the other. I would definitely be anxious, and watching flight radar, I am a worrier and did that when my then 18 year old had to take flights alone last year, but I would let them go as a pair.

Absolutely doable. Mine flew unaccompanied at 13 with only a minor mishap. Nothing too bad can happen and it's terrific life experience.

I traveled back, by myself on an approx 15 hour flight from Africa ( where my dad lived) aged 16 and 5 months. I arrived at Heathrow at 5 am and had to negotiate my way across London to a different train station and then onwards.

it is possible, doable etc etc. I was a young girl! Not very well traveled before. They will honestly be fine.

I think I would let them go, they're travelling together and they will be comfortable with the process of flying having done that journey previously. Worst case scenario if they're unsure about where to go/what to do they could ring one of you or ask for help. I don't think there's much that could go wrong and it sounds like an amazing trip for them!

Let them fly. Don’t clip their wings because of your own insecurities

I am quite a cautious person but I would let them go, particularly because there are two of them and they have done the journey before. Make sure that they both have mobile phones that work internationally and access to emergency money. Talk through different eventualities and how to deal with them. They will be fine.

They will be fine. Flying directly from one English speaking country to another.

fwiw I used to fly London to San Francisco every summer from the age of about 10 (with my younger brother). We were unaccompanied minors - and I remember there were always a few others grouped together with us supervised by a member of the airline and looked after - albeit in a hands-off fashion. I don't recall ever being worried about it, it was quite the adventure at first. This was waaaaay before mobile phones :)

I hope that your DC have an amazing time x