To say no to 16year olds flying alone

[Dreamholidaynot]

To America!

I have a set of twins that turned 16 last week. Their dad is American but lived in the UK most of his life, returned home to New York about 6 years ago when we divorced.

His birthday is at the end of the month so he would like to give them a fabulous holiday in New York for about 8 days starting next week. He has an amazing itinerary with every day packed which is awesome.

The problem is, he wants them to travel on their own from London to JFK. They've travelled to the US and other places with me, never on their own and I think it's too much for them to do! The whole airport palaver, 13hr flight, immigration, etc They have an visa waiver from when we traveled there last year but it was still a stressful journey. What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'? I'm terrified but I don't want to ruin their lives because of my own anxiety.

I know 16year olds can travel on their own. My son's best friend just returned from France with another friend and I hear this is the age they do this on their own. I just can't imagine it. My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'. He traveled a lot from a young age with the army. He also travels at very short notice due to his work but I usually need more time to prepare for things like this.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to this journey. Would you let your own 16yr old travel without a parent or guardian that far away?

Please be kind, I've posted here because I'm desperate for some real opinions but already feeling fragile because my son is already sulking at me and I the ex pressing me. Time is of the essence if they are going.

Thank you

Well done @Dreamholidaynot for taking on board the responses.

They will be so excited to show you all their photos etc when they get home.

And please, to re-iterate, do not be pinging them all the time before they get in the plane or after landing. Teens need to look at their phones less not more, concentrate on the moment and the documents they need and keep track of, not answering messages designed to reassure you but actually interfere with them.

Constant phone contact seems like a boon but is often not.

Please let them go - planes and airports are very safe places. They have phones (these days there is also wifi on most planes). Anxiety is a terrible curse - I know plenty of people with it, but allowing them to go on this amazing (and very safe - no changes of planes) trip would be beneficial for everyone - your twins and you...

They will be fine. I flew to Germany by myself when I was 12 and then alternate years after that. If it's a direct flight and they're being dropped off and met at each end it's not hard.

Quite frankly if there are baddies on the plane you being there will have no impact on that outcome. They’re literally getting on and getting off the plane . You can stay in the airport with your phone on and they can’t ring you if they have any issues as they go through the airport process. I assume dad will be at the other end. Air stewards will help them too they’re not going to abandon two 16 year olds.

DS2 had to get himself from London to the Caribbean by himself aged 17. This included getting himself up and to the airport in time and then getting a taxi from the airport to the hotel (which he'd done several times before with us all together). He managed it with no mishap and he was not a particularly sensible child!

your DC are together. They will be fine. They will have a fabulous time.

There is no safer place in the world than an airport/aeroplane.

My DC regularly flew alone (either singly or as a group) from the UK to our country of origin from the age of 14. Admittedly it is a shorter flight but really it doesn't make much difference whether it's 2 hours or 7 hours.

They loved it, it made them feel grown up and boosted their confidence.

If their father is American, how come they don’t have US passports? I have to have a US passport if I want to go there!

I am one of the 2%, solely on the grounds of US immigration and experience of their behaviour.

I would be OK with almost all of Europe, and many other parts of the world.

The flight to NYC is max 8hrs you're being very precious

It’s a great way to practice being more independent before they are 18 and can do everything on their own. They will be together, you drop them off, he can pick them up. There is no way they can end up on the wrong plane with security like it is, worst that can happen is they miss the plane!

Yabu. There's such a thing as mobile phones if flights get changed/cancelled.

Great coming of age adventure for them. It will be totally wonderful. Let them go. Understand how the maternal protective instinct must be kicking in. Being a parent means learning how to let them go. Also think of the prestige they'll have from their friends.

Please let them go. I also have 16 year old twins and would be more than happy to let them go on such a cool trip.
Are they smart and sensible? Are they comfortable with asking for help/information? They have each other too.
Kids that age relish the independence and they’re gaining such valuable life skills.

Well it must be me I wouldn’t let them go alone.
He shouldn’t have fucked off when they were ten really. He could see them all the time if he hadn’t.

Another thing to think about - they will have to do their first flight alone some time, and actually doing it at this age, where they are still young enough for people to slightly be looking out for them, will be easier for them than doing it aged 22 or whatever when people will assume that they know what to do on their own. I was about 24 when I first flew alone and it was quite scary; I'd also never taken a taxi alone or checked into a B&B alone, and both of those were very scary to me (had a lot of social anxiety at the best of times). But I was old enough that people would have assumed I knew exactly what to do, and then I felt more pressure as a result. It can be easier doing something for the first time when you are young and expected not to know and people are looking out for you. And then they'll be in a great position for the future, knowing not just how to navigate airports and transport and immigration etc on their own, but also having the confidence to know they can be indepdenent, which will impact other areas of their lives.

OP, i suffer with anxiety too, and this would really make me struggle. But I read a fabulous quote the other day: “never let your storm get your kids wet”
let them go, sounds like the holiday of a lifetime x

That's crazy. DS was going to the US alone to stay with my parents when he was 10. One of the stewardesses kept an eye on him.

Don't be this person OP

US immigration would be my biggest concern about the whole trip. Once they are through that, you can relax. But as people have said - go prepared. I would top up water bottles on the way from the plane to the immigration queue. Make sure the paperwork is correct. No jokes. Be prepared to wait in a long line at US immigration and not use phones in it if the signs say so. Make sure they have address where they are staying, ESTAs if needed, return ticket printed out, letter from Dad inviting them with return dates and his address, letter from you saying they have permission to visit him for x days and making it clear you expect them to return to go to school in UK in september. I'd print out their medical cover too for them to carry. And have a bit of US cash.

If I remember correctly then there used to be a slip you needed to hand in when you left the US (it was stapled into the passport). I'm not sure if that is still the case. If so, then they must make sure it is removed from their passports (and handed in to the correct officials) when they leave the US otherwise they are likely to have problems getting into the country on their next visit to the US.

After immigration the rest is easy.

The OP has listened, people.

What baddies?

I flew from one side of America to the other on my own when I was 14 - and going east, I needed to change planes. 16 year olds are plenty old enough for the 7 hour flight from London to New York.

You see them off at the gate at Heathrow, their father picks them up at JFK?Newark in NYC.

I wonder if you;''re sub-consciously resenting your exH in some way, because you're very unreasonable in tryiong to forbid them from doing this.

There is two of them...you drop them, get them checked in and point them to security. Their Dad collects them at the other end. Easy, Yes I would be worried til I knew they had got there but they will get there.

What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'?

Cancellations - Well assuming you're at this end sending them off, then you would know if the flight has been cancelled and would speak to them / sort. Also the airline staff would help them.

Turbulence - Um, not much to say to this one. Yes there probably will be turbulence - and??? 16 year olds will probably be far less nervous and bothered about turbulence than older passengers!

"baddies" - You mean terrorists? Like 9/11? Yeah I mean the chances of that happening again are pretty slim, however terrorist attacks happen everywhere, all over the world, every single day. They'd be more at risk at a concert or on the tube in London than on a flight these days.

It's hard the first time they go off and do something like this, it is important that they do though. It sounds like an ideal stepping stone to more independent travel.

They both sound sensible and competent; they're old enough; they are getting dropped off one end and collected the other; they have each other.