Is it ever ok for your husband to call you a cunt?

[Thoughtsoncunt]

Had a bit of an argument with DH last night over text, when he was at work. He was very angry at something VERY minor I had done. Today he relaxed all day (because he’s night shift tonight), so I did everything. Did a supermarket shop, put it all away, loaded dishwasher, unloaded it, emptied all the bins, made a lovely homemade meal. He ignored me all day. He got up from his nap and came downstairs, collected his dinner, said I was a cunt last night and went off. We normally eat dinner together, but I just took my dinner into my little office and ate it there alone. Is it ever ok to call your wife a cunt?

No. That is actually vile. He sounds horrible.

No it's not. That would be the last time I'd cook him anything

No

It's not acceptable and shows he has contempt for you.

Whoever has voted YABU is nuts (or is hopefully referring to the fact that you made his dinner!) is he often like this? That's just insanely horrible.

Absolutely not! I'd would've ripped my OH a new one. I only ever use that world when I'm truly insulting someone that's done something horrendous.

No. It's absolutely not OK. It shows a complete lack of respect for you.
Has he ever behaved in an abusive way before?

He has since apologised. However, I’m finding it hard to look past it.

We are normally quite solid. But this has really thrown me.

No. It’s abusive and completely unacceptable.

Beautiful dinner, I did as well. Fillet of salmon, new potatoes, green beans, cauliflower cheese. Lovely meal. Which he just took and then I ate alone. Felt very sad.

He does nothing around the house, which was part of the argument last night. I do absolutely everything.

Perhaps you need to reflect on that because he evidently doesn't respect you.

Don’t cook for him again. It’s pretty unforgivable for him to say that and then behave the way he has.

No

In the context you've described, it's absolutely not okay and there is no excuse for it.

Out of proportion anger, silent treatment and withholding attention, opting out of domestic/mental load, blaming you for disagreements, name calling, etc - these are all hallmarks of emotional abuse. There is a guide here including a list of red flags:

https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-emotional-abuse/#:~:text=Your%20partner%20wants%20access%20to,for%20their%20unhealthy%2Fabusive%20behaviors.

I would be more offended by his actions than the word cunt. Ignoring and silent treatment are much more hurtful.

I come from a family of swearers though and mine and my partners love language is banter and light insults. If this is out of the ordinary for the relationship I guess I would be more offended. You need to decide if it's acceptable for you and have that convo with him.

Wow that's terrible 😕. You have to stop doing everything. I don't know how though 😕. What reason is he giving for this?

Everyone has told you no. Now go and sort it out.

@Thoughtsoncunt no, never ok. It's just not how you talk to someone you love and respect, even if you're angry with them.

But sounds like him calling you this is not your only problem. It seems his lack of respect for you is also demonstrated by how he doesn't contribute to your domestic life. You don't let someone you love and respect do 'everything' around the house.

No, this is over the line for me.

I work from home. Self employed and earn more than him. Think that’s why I do all the home stuff. He doesn’t even take the fucking bins out: he’s 6ft 3 and I’m 5ft 1 and I take the bins out! 😝

No its definitely not. And the fact you even need to ask is concerning.

No. Never okay.

Op, you really, really need to examine why your standards are so shockingly low. Your husband is absolute shit.