Is it ever ok for your husband to call you a cunt?

[Thoughtsoncunt]

Had a bit of an argument with DH last night over text, when he was at work. He was very angry at something VERY minor I had done. Today he relaxed all day (because he’s night shift tonight), so I did everything. Did a supermarket shop, put it all away, loaded dishwasher, unloaded it, emptied all the bins, made a lovely homemade meal. He ignored me all day. He got up from his nap and came downstairs, collected his dinner, said I was a cunt last night and went off. We normally eat dinner together, but I just took my dinner into my little office and ate it there alone. Is it ever ok to call your wife a cunt?

Terrible language, horrible behaviour - apologies don’t mean much given all this.

Think he resents your earnings/achievements?
Not only do you succeed professionally, but you manage to run the house, too. Maybe he feels you're a superwoman and he can't measure up? Regardless, calling you a cunt is so far over the line and reeks of contempt. He clearly want to bring you done a few pegs. Poor lad. Seriously, either tell him his remark was inexcusable and part of a bigger issue he needs to sort, or it's over. Or, live with it, excuse it and carry on. If you choose the latter you'll likely be posting about his treatment of you again...🤔

Instant divorce if my husband name called me anything derogatory.

I can let anyone have a mistake but there are a few caveats.

1. If he was to ever speak to you like that again, he understands he'll be wearing dinner, sleeping outside the house, divorced or all three.

2.The apology is nice but also close to nothing compared to that language. He must understand this changes how you look at him and work better on an apology which might fix this.

Just tell him he can prove he’s sorry by taking the bins out, without being reminded, for the rest of his life. Seriously.

I would think that he 'was very apologetic' because he knows he's crossed a line and this is the first time he's seen that he might have gone too far and you could walk away having had enough.

He's going to be nice and apologetic for a while so he can carry on treating you like a servant. Do you really want to spend your life waiting on him? Is this a true partnership? Does he put your well-being before his own in the way you do for him? Ask yourself those questions honestly.

No. It’s never OK. First time I’ve responded to a post without reading more than the title. Because it’s just that bad.

"He was very angry at something VERY minor I had done."

And what was this @Thoughtsoncunt ? Wondering what he could possibly be angry about you doing when you do EVERYTHING, thinking he has a bloody cheek getting angry at you for something trivial when he treats you as his live in servant.

He crossed a line, I think you should do absolutely nothing for him again, and if you do cook for him again, lace it with fucking arsenic.

I don't blame you for re-evaluating your marriage. It sounds like you're not gaining anything from him, no partnership.

Then stop it,

Now.

So does that mean he'll start doing some household chores?

(please note that I didn't phrase it as 'helping')

If you had a friend whose husband treated her like this and she asked you for advice, what would you say?

It depends if you use that language (as my friends do towards each other) and it's just like I would say to mine he was a dick

I'm swimming slightly upstream on this.

If he called me a cunt in an argument etc then I'd find that aggressive & not something I'd be ok with, but it's more the tone/aggression than the word. Substitute it for, say, boot and I'd be just as unimpressed. The actual word doesn't bother me.

but saying what he said to you this morning wouldn't overly bother me. Any more than if he'd said 'you were being a twat last night! Or a dick last night.

(too much time on MN & cunt has no shock value anymore, even though it's not something I say)

what would bother me a LOT more is WHY he said it & why he's not pulling his weight around the house. I get why you might do more around the house (it's easier when you're in it a lot more. But it doesn't give him a pass on all of it, neither does night shift.

being busy now but what do you do?

could he look at moving over to a day job if night shift is too much for him?

im sorry you cooked such a lovely dinner & he ruined it & left you eating alone feeling sad x

OP, no it is neither normal nor acceptable.

He us lazy and vile.
If your mum was alive she certainly wouldn't want you being abused like this.

You deserve so much better.

Does he have any redeeming features? And no, it’s never ok. 💐

How often does he use this word? I say it quite often, which lessens its impact and my mates wouldn't think this was outrageous. However, I don't think couples should call each slurs of any description so for me the word isn't the issue its his use of it towards you. Id be fuming if my partner called me a bitch/twat/insert any term. Its not how we should speak to each other, right?

Wow that's awful
No it's not ok

I don't get couples who curse and swear at each other. I find it so disrespectful.
No it is never ok to call each other names even as a joke. It is horrod.

No way. It's not unlike using the n word on a person of colour. It's a misogynistic slur when a man uses it on a woman insultingly. Never put up with that.

No.

I don't think saying sorry means anything if his actions doesn't change. Words are cheap.

I think there is a growing trend to pretend all British people use the word cunt all the time and even use it as a term of endearment. It makes us look trendy and edgy apparently, loads of US programmes perpetuate this myth that we all drop the c word frequently. We don’t. It’s still regarded by the vast majority of people as highly offensive and quite shocking to hear.

I am very sweary. But I would never use that word and I think I’ve only used it about three times in my 50 years and that was when talking about how it’s offensive. If DH ever called me a cunt that would honestly probably be the end of our relationship. It’s a word that is filled with such hatred and contempt, even if only in the heat of the moment, that I would truly struggle to ever get past it.

I agree, i do use this word quite loosely and so do my mates so its not always used in a misogynist way on purpose
That doesn't mean women cant call out men using it, because sometimes people using it don't realise/understand the violence behind it

I think its a bit like "queer"? Some people have reclaimed it, but others find it hideously offensive. Neither side is "right", but I would be very apologetic if I used it flippantly with someone who was offended by it and I certainly wouldn't use it as a targeted insult

I would never tolerate being spoken to like that. I can’t imagine he tolerates any “disrespect”. Stop “doing” for him and facilitating his life.

Never. Honestly, literally never. I'm so sorry, OP