Is it ever ok for your husband to call you a cunt?

[Thoughtsoncunt]

Had a bit of an argument with DH last night over text, when he was at work. He was very angry at something VERY minor I had done. Today he relaxed all day (because he’s night shift tonight), so I did everything. Did a supermarket shop, put it all away, loaded dishwasher, unloaded it, emptied all the bins, made a lovely homemade meal. He ignored me all day. He got up from his nap and came downstairs, collected his dinner, said I was a cunt last night and went off. We normally eat dinner together, but I just took my dinner into my little office and ate it there alone. Is it ever ok to call your wife a cunt?

I would ask him this: "Why are you apologising? It's not as if you said it in the heat of an argument. You had time to think about what you were going to say. You were calm. But you still said it.

I don't think it's so bad for women to say it about other women. It's certainly not my favourite word, but I have used it to describe a particularly loathsome woman now and then.

He really doesn't sound like he's bringing much to the relationship. I think there's more going on here than a one off calling of a totally inappropriate word.
Time to think about YOU. Is this who you really want to spend your time with. If not, why not and can it be fixed?
Good luck.

Wow of course he’s apologetic- he has a great life and needs you to continue being the donkey. Quick apology and then back to you doing everything. You need to stop enabling him and step back. Is this the life you want? Is this the respect you deserve?

He doesn't have any respect for you, because you do everything and he doesn't contribute to your house other than financially - when you say anything then he calls you a cunt. Lovely. He probably doesn't like a household appliance talking back to him.

What exactly did he apologise for op? If it was only for calling you a cunt, that’s a training technique to make you think twice in the future about calling out his atrocious behaviour.

How did he apologise? By doing the housework? By meaningfully engaging with you to understand and redress the work imbalance?

He’s learning how far he can go op. If you’ll forgive a verbal slap, you’ll probably forgive an actual slap.

Next time only cook for you. Or if you find that hard only make things he doesnt like. My husband always had things to say about my cooking and ever since I leave him to it and cook for me and my children. Problem solved. He also eats much later than us by choice which makes it easier.

He is though if he does nothing around the house! I accept doing most things because Im a Sahm (not by choice anymore, a SEN child). If I would be working I would make a list of chores and discuss division of labour with him. I would not consider a partner leaving me to do all the jobs at home while also working a partner. More like a lazy teenager which would really turn me off

My father was like that to my mother, @Thoughtsoncunt.
And she stayed with him.
I watched and listened to him verbally abuse her their entire married life.
Surprisingly, it made me respect my mother a whole lot less that #1 she would stay with a man who treated her so poorly, but worse, #2 she subjected three children to it, too.
Gather up your self respect. You’re worth far more than the degrading way this dude is treating you.
And you know it.
Sending love.

I'm just addressing the actual question. Not getting into the way your husband behaved with the dinner and housework etc because you didn't ask about that.

Whether or not it's ever ok to call someone a cunt is dependent on context.
If "cunt" is part of a person's (and the person to whom they are talking) everyday, non-abusive language, it's perfectly acceptable.
I use it towards husband, friends boss. And they to me. To us, it's funny and merely part of the rich vocabulary that English provides us with.

No.
Cannot imagine that.
Married for 20 years.

Of course you're solid - you earn the money and do all the work. The dinner sounded lovely but he sounds absolutely skin crawlingly awful. In over 30 years of marriage, my husband has never come close to calling me that. In fact, I've never ever heard him use the word. You should do whatever it takes or costs to get him out of your life.

There is no way my husband would ever use that word but I have never called him or anyone else a 'dick'. Both are sexist and I don't understand why MN is littered with threads and posts using the term dick all the time.
Both are really, really unacceptable and sexist. I suspect a lot of posters on here are faux outraged at the term 'cunt' but throw the term 'dick' at any male in their vicinity

Some people think the difference between punching down and punching up makes it okay. I can't say I totally disagree with that.

You must know the answer to this??? Big fat NO.

Not in my relationship no. But then, that's not a word thrown about lightly in my circles. Most people I know don't use it at all, or if they do, it's reserved as an extreme insult and used at times of serious anger/aggression. However some people see the word differently, interchangeable with 'dick' 'twat' etc so if your H uses it like that, while not great, wouldn't necessarily be the deal breaker or indicator of aggression/serious insult it would be to me iyswim. I'd be pretty concerned about his behaviour in response to a 'minor' thing you did though regardless. It seems very disproportionate to be sulking with you running round after him.

There are many differences. Firstly the different levels of taboo our society has between male and female genitals, with male parts being more the subject of humour, while females parts provoke disgust.
Then there's custom and practice, with one word considered for decades to be mildly rude and the other offensive profanity, making a clear heirarchy in the level of insult intended by the use of each term.
Lastly there's the fact that there is no comparison between sexism towards women and sexism towards men due to power imbalance.

But why? Stop doing it. You're not helping yourself. If you both work FT, the household chores should be split 50:50. Realise that may sound easier said than done, but myself and DH do this. I simply wouldn't want to be in the relationship if my partner, a grown adult, refused to pull his weight.

Nope.

its not okay to use the word cunt in the first place.

so definitely not OK!