To be annoyed DH won't do more to avoid COVID to ensure IVF goes smoothly

[PhillipaN]

Just about to start our second round of IVF after taking a break for the summer and I'm terrified that I'm hearing about more and more cases of COVID: sister in law, friend, husband's friend, colleague etc. There's research to say it impacts sperm for 3-6mo and I just can't face delaying IVF and having to wait longer.
Sadly DH loves his social life too much, says it's silly to shield and plans to go to a concert and a football match in the next couple of months.

But surely they go to groups and places with other children?

As someone who A - has been through fertility issues and B - has OCD… I completely get it. It’s all consuming.

but it seems like you are (understandably) incredibly anxious about this going smoothly, an unhealthy amount, and you want your DH to feel the same way you do.

you cannot expect someone to approach things the same way as you or also take on your anxieties.

I caught covid the week I had done NOTHING close contact. I had even shopped during early quiet part of the day. I really think that restricting anyone's movements is pretty futile. If the viral load is high where you are then you may catch it. That sadly is the reality.

Also, what if this doesn’t work? Would he get the blame? You might be setting him up to feel incredibly guilty and cause resentment

Unfortunately close contact isn't the only thing that matters. COVID is airborne and if you're in the same indoor space as a person with COVID, even if it's a big space, they can infect you, especially if the place doesn't have good ventilation. For example if you went shopping at quiet times but without a FFP2/3 mask, you could've caught it from the shop attendant even if you kept far away from them. That's why masking in public places is probably no 1 mitigation and it's been a big failure of policy in the UK that it wasn't the main thing to highlight.

Ofc I get that COVID mitigation isn't the main point of this thread so I'll stop now, I don't want to derail it for the OP.

@HemelHan as a person I'm not particularly blame-y. I don't see the point in the "it's you" "no, I was perfect, it's you!" conversations. If it doesn't work we will look into the issue of why it didn't - did we not have enough eggs? Was it the protocol? Was it the number of eggs? How many blastocysts? How many made it to day 3? How was sperm quality on the day? Was there anything obvious like Covid that happened?

I just think we should both do what we can, and if someone offers him £10K not to go to the football game (the absolute minimum we'd be spending if we go for another ivf around because this doesn't work, for example due to Covid) , surely he'd take it up?

You sound really controlling OP. I get that IVF will be stressful but you will push him away if you continue to mother him.

But he isn't being offered £10k not to go to a football game.

Instead if he goes to the football there is a tiny chance he might catch covid and a small chance if he did that might impact on IVF, which also even without those variables has a percentage chance of success or failure.

Whereas if he doesn't go to the football he definitely loses the opportunity to spend social time with friends and watch an activity that he is passionate about.

Seems like lots of compelling reasons to go to the football to me.

People get depressed if they can’t do anything in their life that they enjoy op

OP, kindly, YABU, and controlling

I understand why, but you're being overbearing.

Despite being told by many PP, you seem to not be understanding or grasping of that.

OP, I understand the pain of TTC, and can only appreciate how difficult going through IVF must be. However, you cannot deny yourself all the pleasures in life or it will consume you, and put you in a worse mental place. It sounds like DH is trying to still enjoy things in life outside of it - maybe be kind to yourself and plan some fun things too. it may take your mind off it all for a little while, which can only be beneficial x

What a batshit crazy post 😳

I can understand wanting to reduce risk to covid. There is tons of research on effects, including things like erectile dysfunction and fertility issues. Many might also just feel ropey for a few months, and of course that's alongside the 1/30 in UK that now have long covid. It seems more bizarre that you wouldn't try to do what you can to maximise chances of ivf success, rather than doing what you can to maximise covid reinfections. Hope the treatment works out for you.