All my male family members are t**ts!!!

[Ffffffkkkkkksksks]

Im the only female im my immediate family. I only have brothers, a dad, an exh and two sons. None of them fucking help me out with ANYTHING unless they benefit from it somehow! Im fucking fed up with it!
Im always available for them. I help with pets, moving house, visits, make an effort but just now I asked my 12 yo ds to go pick up flour from the bloody shop arpund the corner and he asked whats in it for me and threw such a fit the neighbours heard it outside and now i feel like the bad mom for loosing it too.
Im just so fed up. Im baking a fucking cake for the dc and they throw a fit about picking up flour from the shop! For the cake! Thats he's going to eat!
The only people who mutually ever help me are my FEMALE friends and the Angel of a man next door. Why cant they all be like him?! Why am i cursed with a circle of self-absorbed twats as a family?!
Also, im going away soon and asked my exh if he looked after the family cats for me (that he lived with for 10 years before divorce) because ive looked after his dog many times for him. He said no. My brother is in town and has nothing but time in his hands, but i know the answer already. It will be an awkward no. Even though im storing the contents of his flat im my house for him!! (he works abroad mostly).
Ive lost it this morning with the ds and will apologise when he's back, but i really dont want them to be like all the other selfish nales in this family. Aibu?
(If anyone must know, i didn't go to the shop myself because theres another cake in the oven and i ran out of ingredients. But surely this is not a big ask?)

I know how you feel! I have no female family, except my mum and auntie. No siblings but all cousins men.
One in particular used me just for entertainment purposes, and also tried to rip me off financially! The others were just superficial, wanting to show off but never giving any moral support.
Then when they get a wife or girlfriend never ever speak to me again!
They don't need favours off me now. It seemed so one sided. As they were older and I idolised them having lost my dad at a young age.
I've no advice sadly but I totally understand your predicament.

So stop doing so much for them? Why are you helping out all these people if they aren’t reciprocating? You’re being a doormat.

Stop being so available. You sound like a bit of a people pleaser. How are you teaching your sons to be a better men?

You need to stop obliging any of them, no more dog sitting or any other favours for the ex, no cakes, dead plain and boring food for every meal, no tidying up their rooms, cut the wifi off, they can do their own laundry at 12.
Tools down basically.
My son at 12 would not have dared to speak to me like that - there would have been consequences.
Simple facts - boys do not respect women who do everything for them and who are doormats. You have to teach them.

I'm definitely not a doormat, but how do i teach my boys to be better men than this, since all the male role models they have are such twats!
I make a HUGE point every time the neighbour next door helps me out, and speak so highly of him, but they idolise their selfish dad and uncles.

And i help out because in my mind i was teaching by example. How to be a good person. Doesnt work, does it!!!

Just stop doing things for them.

Trouble is because they are selfish people all that will be learnt is they can be selfish and that you will do everything anyway - your children are learning this.
When your son gets back you can apologise for losing it but tell him the sentiment is that you sometimes need to help people even if there's nothing in it for you!
With your family - just stop helping and tell them why.
Ask the one who you are storing stuff for to help with your cat - if he refuses tell him he needs to find alternative storage as you are fed up of being used and nothing in return!

Please do NOT apologise for getting cross at the lazy selfishness, you need to be angry that you are so taken for granted. Stand up for yourself and stop accepting this treatment from others.

In my experience there are family members who are takers and family members who are the ones always put upon by the takers. Both givers and takers can be male or female.

Usually the ones who help out the most are then put upon time and time again to help out. And if for any reason you’re unavailable even once, they take it personally and moan about you to others who could - but don’t - help themselves.

OP you have admitted that you are always available and then go on to give a list of things you do for a bunch of people who don't reciprocate.

You parent your sons; teach them consideration for others. Give consequences when they act like brats, make sure they pull their weight at home. You teach them that women are deserving of respect.

Although 12 year olds are allowed to have strops as long as they apologise afterwards. And you don’t let yourself be walked over.

Well they idolise selfish men because selfish men have the lives they would prefer.
It’s up to us women to stop facilitating and serving them all. You get no thanks for it.

So if you’re not a doormat - tell your brother to collect his stuff TODAY.

It doesn't matter what all the other men in the family are like.

These are YOUR sons.

Take it from a mum of 3 sons, if I want them to go to the shop they'll go because they know the consequences of being selfish, just aren't worth it.

Stop doing so much for them if you're getting nothing in return.

The adults really are taking the piss. You do all that for them and they won’t feed your pets for you. Give your brother a deadline to get a yellow storage unit and get his shit out of your house. Stop looking after ex’s dog, get yourself a reliable pet sitter they aren’t that expensive and then you don’t need to rely on them.

Teach your boys to bake a cake and if they want cake they can do it themselves.

@Ffffffkkkkkksksks you've given them the example that women do everything and there's no come back when the men don't muck in. If you want it to change then when your family ask for favours you say No, a firm unshakable No, too all the ones who never help. Let your DC see a new you, no favours for them until they learn to give back. You're going to have to be very strong if you want this to change.

You say “You didn’t go and get the flour, so there is no cake for you! And since you, your brother, your dad and your uncles can’t be arsed to do anything to help me out, I will only be doing the bare minimum from now on. And yes, I will be telling them all the same thing. Lazy selfish arses get no help from me.”

And then you stick to what you’ve said, @Ffffffkkkkkksksks.

You are being a doormat though. Just stop doing it.

If you want to teach by example, you need to show them what strong looks like. And that means saying no sometimes.

Demand to be treated the way you want your sons to treat people (particularly women, especially if they end up with wives of their own). And by demand I just mean take no rubbish.

"Can you look after the dogs for me?" "Yes, if you look after the cats for us next time".

"Can I store all my crap in your house?" "Absolutely not, this is our home".

"Why should I get the flour for you?" "Ok, don't. But there'll be no cake and I'll stop bothering to go shopping to buy you things".

I was talking to my boss the other day about a rude woman at work, she's rude to my colleague regularly. He asked if he needed to get involved and I said nah, colleague just ignores her now. He said what about you and I said she's never been rude to me. He laughed and said I can't imagine many people are. To be clear, I'm very nice, very highly thought of, but it is known that I won't take crap from people. And that if you speak to me disrespectfully, you aren't getting what you need from me.

You need to do that.

Well if you're not a doormat stop letting people walk all over you!

Tell your brother today that he has 30 days to get his stuff out of your house or you will takebto the dump.

Tell ex that as he's not prepared to help look after your cats he wont be getting any more help from you for anything.

Tell your sons that in future that if they won't help they don't get the end results AND CARRY IT THROUGH

You're not showing them how to de selfless and helpful. Your showing them how to take the piss.

No point in asking a spoilt brat to do something for you, the answer will always be what you got from him. Tell him to do whatever it is you want. Be clear it's an instruction and not a request. What's in it for me? Your dinner and the rest of room service. Take part or do without. Don't let them get any older with such shitty attitudes. You're their mother and the men in their lives sound useless. You have to teach them how to behave, they cant do it themselves with no guidance.

You are only teaching them that women run around after men with absolutely fuck all in return. Stop it, and tell them all why. I’ve absolutely no idea why you are doing this, apart from man next door.

But you are being a doormat! All you are doing is teaching your sons the wrong way to behave!

Don't apologise for showing DS the consequences of his behaviour.

If he is selfish and lazy, people will get fed up of him and stop doing nice things for him.

No cake for him.

And stop doing favours that aren't reciprocated for your family. Next time Ex-H asks you to mind his dog say no, you didn't help me with the cats. Do you want to have an agreement in which we reciprocate next time?