All my male family members are t**ts!!!

[Ffffffkkkkkksksks]

Im the only female im my immediate family. I only have brothers, a dad, an exh and two sons. None of them fucking help me out with ANYTHING unless they benefit from it somehow! Im fucking fed up with it!
Im always available for them. I help with pets, moving house, visits, make an effort but just now I asked my 12 yo ds to go pick up flour from the bloody shop arpund the corner and he asked whats in it for me and threw such a fit the neighbours heard it outside and now i feel like the bad mom for loosing it too.
Im just so fed up. Im baking a fucking cake for the dc and they throw a fit about picking up flour from the shop! For the cake! Thats he's going to eat!
The only people who mutually ever help me are my FEMALE friends and the Angel of a man next door. Why cant they all be like him?! Why am i cursed with a circle of self-absorbed twats as a family?!
Also, im going away soon and asked my exh if he looked after the family cats for me (that he lived with for 10 years before divorce) because ive looked after his dog many times for him. He said no. My brother is in town and has nothing but time in his hands, but i know the answer already. It will be an awkward no. Even though im storing the contents of his flat im my house for him!! (he works abroad mostly).
Ive lost it this morning with the ds and will apologise when he's back, but i really dont want them to be like all the other selfish nales in this family. Aibu?
(If anyone must know, i didn't go to the shop myself because theres another cake in the oven and i ran out of ingredients. But surely this is not a big ask?)

Why apologize? Do they apologize to you? Always ask them 'what's in it for me then?' And how does that feel to hear that? And I'd be happy to say to my kids that you are like this as you are copying them

You know that just about every kid tells their parents that, right?

I'm sure I told mine that.

That was in relation to your kids saying you're the strictest- I doubt you are.

No more home made cake, no more treats. Next time you shop - bare essentials only. Lunchboxes - cheese sandwich, apple, water. No more favours for brother: “Come pick your shit up and put it in storage so I don’t have to trip over it.” No more dog sitting for ex (and making life easy for him regarding the kids, I suspect. Only one person is going to level this playing field and afraid that is going to have to be you. (Or invite me over and I’ll stick a rocket up the lot of them.) If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your sons’ future partners. Good luck.

So stop doing it.

And that cake stays as a bag of flour and no apology.
Actions have consequences.

OP what would you call someone who bends over backwards for people who take advantage of them?

This.

You need boundaries and clear consequences.

Im seriously no doormat

🤣🤣

Pretty sure every kid thinks they have the strictest parents in their friendship group!

This. DB needs to be told that favours work both ways. If you know he could look after your cat and he’s just being awkward, then tell him he has one month to shift his stuff.

Tell them you're going to treat them the way they treat you. All of them.

Stick to it!

If anyone pulls any crap like "but mums are supposed to..." just say "No. Mothers are not slaves and you are not a master. You reap what you sow"

Next time any of them expect you to do something, say this:

"What did your last servant die of?"

Bloody hell.

Start with the flour. Tell them straight if they can't even pop to the shop to get it, and ask what else is needed then you won't be cooking for them for the next few days.

Seriously, that needs consequences. If you're consistent they'll soon be treating you with more respect.

Nah, I knew my parents were much more laid back than my friends. And regularly told my mum that.

I did know where the boundaries were though.

Disobedience.

Absolutely do this!

By still doing things for your ex and brother and everyone else who tramples all over you, you're teaching your son to do it too.

You're the one who needs to change. Get a cattery, no more dogsitting favours for the ex, your brother needs to find somewhere else to store his crap if he's not willing to help you when you need it.

I can definitely empathise. I'm the only adult female on my side of the family and it can be very draining having to plan and organise absolutely everything. My husband is brilliant but my dad is hopeless at admin, planning and can't cook at all so I have to help him with lots of things! My brothers do help with some things to be fair but arranging get togethers or meals and events is all me. My son is only small so I'm hopefully he will learn to pull his weight!

You'll just have to demand more from them. At least your dc can still learn that family members should work together and support each other.
Children don't seem to realise that their mum has needs if you don't show them.
You need to show that you can't always be the helpful one because sometimes you need help.
Teach them that you are a human being too and don't exist to service others.
Sometimes that means someone makes you tea, baked and cooks for you or just leaves you alone do you can have some peace and quiet.

@Shoutymummy Yes please 😆 When can you come?
Well we all had some cake. The boys did apologise when they came through the door.
I know im quite tough regarding screen time and responsibilities compared to their friends. Screen time especially.

Ok - book a cattery or ask round if any of your teens friends would be prepared to pop in each day to feed the cats for extra holiday money.

don’t ask your brother again but say you need the space back so can he make other arrangements for his things. Ideally before his next overseas trip.

don’t let your exH s dog in your home again.

equate upto their selfish dad and uncles. Each thing from something small like making a cup of tea to everything like dinner/ laundry etc has to be done by them. Stop doing things for free. Get paid to every favour or be unavailable. Your family and social surrounding has gotten into a habit of treating females as either maids or whores. Atleast a whore gets paid. You need to have a personality change like yesterday. Do everything with a smile like telling your brother that you are not available for pet sitting. Etc. if there’s no food/ clean clothes etc they will learn. If you son at 12 cannot make himself a sandwich than he’s failed. Why are u making them a cake?

@Floppyelf my ds 12 can make himself a sandwich. He can also cook some basic pasta/rice meals.
I baked a cake for my auntie because she drove us to a picking farm yesterday (plus is always there for me anyways), and one for us because both boys helped to pick loads of berries. That was the plan. I just ran out of flour half way through..

I treat people how they treat me

Help me, I'll help you

Don't help me, I won't help you