All my male family members are t**ts!!!

[Ffffffkkkkkksksks]

Im the only female im my immediate family. I only have brothers, a dad, an exh and two sons. None of them fucking help me out with ANYTHING unless they benefit from it somehow! Im fucking fed up with it!
Im always available for them. I help with pets, moving house, visits, make an effort but just now I asked my 12 yo ds to go pick up flour from the bloody shop arpund the corner and he asked whats in it for me and threw such a fit the neighbours heard it outside and now i feel like the bad mom for loosing it too.
Im just so fed up. Im baking a fucking cake for the dc and they throw a fit about picking up flour from the shop! For the cake! Thats he's going to eat!
The only people who mutually ever help me are my FEMALE friends and the Angel of a man next door. Why cant they all be like him?! Why am i cursed with a circle of self-absorbed twats as a family?!
Also, im going away soon and asked my exh if he looked after the family cats for me (that he lived with for 10 years before divorce) because ive looked after his dog many times for him. He said no. My brother is in town and has nothing but time in his hands, but i know the answer already. It will be an awkward no. Even though im storing the contents of his flat im my house for him!! (he works abroad mostly).
Ive lost it this morning with the ds and will apologise when he's back, but i really dont want them to be like all the other selfish nales in this family. Aibu?
(If anyone must know, i didn't go to the shop myself because theres another cake in the oven and i ran out of ingredients. But surely this is not a big ask?)

You’re allowing all of this.

Tell your brother he can store his own stuff, your son that he doesn’t get any cake, your ex no next time he asks about you looking after his dog. So on and so forth.

You get treated the way you treat yourself. Do you respect yourself enough to start saying no?

OP what exactly is the problem here?

Your 12 year old couldn't help the way he behaved because he's on the spectrum and doesn't like change. So it's not his fault he was acting out.

You're not a doormat. You have very firm boundaries, in fact your children say you're very strict. It's just that things happen, despite your firm boundaries that means people take advantage.

There doesn't seem to be a problem.

This. Such a weird post. So much denial.

@Bangwam1 Exh doesn't ask. He just sends dog here with ds or calls ds when he's delayed somewhere, making me responsible by default. (Because ds cant be, being 12)
I agree with you all. Enough is enough.

Thank you! By apologising to your ds you are validating that his behaviour is correct and yours was over the top.

When it’s all over, and he has learnt this is unacceptable, yes, sit down and discuss why you blew. Apologise to each other for both of your anger and move on.

And take care of the feeling of having the piss taken out of you so you don’t lose it with your son and feel awful (whom is not the real issue, he is following how you allow the other men in your life to treat you)

Oh...

If they think you're strict they'll have a rude awakening at some point

Possibly when they start work

This

My kids tell me im the strictest mum of their friendship group.

And you fall for that? 🤣🤣

Most kids say this at some point or other.

Then arrange storage and send him the bill,

Your ex leaves you with the dog? Find a kennels or a dog sitter and send him the bill.

Wish more women could see and understand this.

It’s harsh, and truth. Dealings with men are transactional. You are (generally) expected to fill the role of care taker as a wife. There is a reason women live longer when they are single, and men live longer when they are married.

I simply can’t imagine my son screaming his eyes out at me for asking him to go to the corner shop so that he could have some cake.

You are not the strictest parent OP. Because this is shocking behaviour from a 12-year old. And I am by no means very strict myself. Open your eyes to how you let people treat you.

Why are they (men) like this though?! My (his) cat literally adored my exh! She used to literally walk accross my lap to get to his. She would sleep on his chest every night, purring away. For 12 years.
Now, he just ignores her and wont even feed her when were away.

'Both Ds's did eventually go to the shop and got the flour. Screaming the whole way out'

Don't allow any male to scream at you. They got rewarded with cake after treating you like this?

”Men” are not like this. Around you they all seem to be.

Men around me are not like this at all.

It’s just shocking. Shocking behaviour from the spoilt brats and shocking behaviour from their mother.

@blueblueskiesandacloud fair enough. My ds12 has meltdowns all the time. He is on the autism spectrum and going through a hard time in general because of the divorce and a manipulative dad. Ds 12 can be loving too. And he has apologised about the flour episode. My other son is calmer. I do my best.

Do the kids know you're baking a cake for them?

Yes I am sure you are doing your best. I have no doubts. But you are worth so much more than having men treat you like this. It can’t go on. You will break.

In a few years your sons will be much taller and stronger than you, you can’t just say go to your room, or you can’t have any cake now. They won’t care.

At least show your brother and ex that you will not tolerate this. Start today. No arguments, just tell them how it’s going to be from now.

Can we not refer to a child with SEN as a brat? This place is awful for nasty language towards children. He's on the spectrum, struggles with transitions and apologised when he got back.

On the other, adult, men. They can all get to fuck. No storage, no dog-sitting, no nothing. If they don't help you, you aren't their support human. Model boundaries, not niceness to your children.

@blueblueskiesandacloud you are very lucky to have good men around you then. I didnt choose my family. I was born into it. Obviously i chose my exh, but i was young and just found someone who felt familiar. I wish i knew then what i know now, but obviously that's an empty wish.
I've gone through a hard marriage, hard divorce, bringing up 2 boys with a toxic co-parent, trying my best to have good routines, boundaries and expectations and help my children with the trauma of divorce. As well as support my dc with his school and issues that come from being neurodivergent..
So i think im doing Ok. Dont beat up a fellow 'sister'. Show a bit of empathy too.

Maybe stop running around after them? Don’t bake the cake?

@justbeingasmartarse too late. Cake baked with the flour they brought from the shop. They apologised. Cake has been eaten. (well, half of it)

Simple facts - people do not respect people who do everything for them and who are doormats. You have to teach them.

Wow.....PLEASE dont listen to germaine .
youze are septic as hell.I have two (fquin lovely sons and have to educate them bout shitestupid twattitudes like that.) WOWWWWW!

op

Sorry i almost hijacked entire post in full rant mode.
its not the flour,the cake,the kid,the tantrum...The ENTIRE male species....(am re gony get back to these two i think)
Hopefully youre post-cake sertonin boosted n that moments past.... kids knew to apologise and did. definately change for you ALL is gonna include adapttions. sounds like youre well rid of ex-h.
proud of you "Cast up"dog situation.obviously as hes a guff wont necessrily resolve ct issue.so stick to the dont do it again if not 2 way street.
Bet if you just pulled him and dropped cats off -it be fine. I wouldnt .he proli thrives on games.
neighbours prob got their own shit goin on too.
Youre actually doing mzing,cke baking,running a disrupted house etc...
eaat the cake.talk to kids.remind them you re a person to.dont burden em with the awfulshite of adulting-but straight up tell them you haave feelings,thoughts n matter too.
hope you hve a better rest of today x

(sorry i keep redo that "dealings with men are transctional" ...is that "HATESPEAK" cos i think it is. as well as bs.
Perhaps is time for a relaunch of the waterbabies. mrs do as you would be done by needs reserected. )

basically