Absolutely sick of negativity towards boys

[Notgreatisit]

I have 3 sons , I love being a mother and we both wanted 3 children and we are so lucky to have them. I remember so, so distinctly being pregnant with my third and I had to have minor surgery, I was awake during it and the dr asked me what sex I was having and I said a boy and she was consoling me as I had told her I had two boys already . I was absolutely disgusted tbh and she actually said “ah you are disappointed though really “. I said “absolutely not , that’s a ridiculous comment “.
I’ve had this so much , I never gave it a second thought before kids , I was and am v much kids are kids . The last day I met a woman and she has one son and two daughters and she actually said “I’ve aged 10 years since having my son, I can’t imagine how you cope with with 3” in front of my sons ….. Tons of comments through the years like this, absolutely tons .
I can’t even imagine talking to someone with daughters like this, so so rude and horrible tbh .
My sons are absolutely lovely , they are older now and I’ve a fantastic and close relationship with them . They are interesting, really funny and love hanging out with us . I have a two teen boys and one pre teen and all easy going and lovely . They are and always have been extremely physical but also as a female I am too , I’m in my late 30’s and still into climbing and surfing etc . My friends are all older having kids and the talk is shocking ; “fingers crossed we are having a girl”! Etc etc . in front of me and others with boys. My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved “ 🤷‍♀️
I was viciously bullied by a girl mentally and physically in secondary school, I work as a secondary teacher and I find individuals difficult and in fact on the whole it’s the parents of girls who are stressed out of their minds and struggling in Teenage years, in mn the vast majority of parents of teens struggling have girls . I don’t at all think girls are harder than boys or boys harder than girls ,children are individuals and their challenges with everyone . The only noticeable difference I found in reality is that my boys were way ,way more physically active when young and now to be honest. I’m presuming that’s something natural maybe or hormonal and people don’t like it. If I had a penny for my friends with both boys and girls say “ she’s so easy by comparison, she’s so quiet and draws
and colours etc …” obviously pre teen.
The negativity towards boys is awful, my older sons notice it now too.

I agree it’s ridiculous. I have a little boy and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. If I am ever lucky enough to have another child I’ll be so grateful and I won’t care at all if it’s a boy or a girl. I had a pregnant family member come and visit me and my baby once. She kept going on about how disappointing it would be to have a boy, how desperate she was for a girl and how she was trying to ‘manifest’ it by referring to her baby as ‘she’ etc. All while I was holding my perfect 6 month old little boy. It really annoyed me at the time because it was as if she was implying that a baby like mine wouldn’t be good enough for her. But now I see she’s just a ridiculous, immature person and I don’t let it bother me. She did end up having a boy as well so hopefully she’s grown up since then and he never realises how much she didn’t want him. It’s so sad that someone would be disappointed with an innocent child just because they happen to not be the preferred sex.

This is literally the only reason I experienced gender disappointment with my 2 kids, and still get bouts of sadness thinking I won't have a girl. I'm hoping I'm just disappointed about a false narrative, because I love raising boys otherwise.

Never experienced any negativity outside of my gender disappointment.

Brilliant!

@IncompleteSenten

If you wanted an arsehole's opinion, you'd fart.

Absolutely stealing this for everyday use (and when I need to whinge about colleagues!)

Someone at work (no kids yet) said "If I have boys I will just keep going until I have a girl but if I have a girl first I'll probably just stop at one,"

Which I found a jaw dropping statement!

I actually really like this person and I don't think that they actually meant much by it but I do think it shows the general attitude to boys. I really doubt she'd have said it the other way around.

That said we had/ have fertility issues so I find all gender preference stuff very irritating. Two family members have recently expressed very very strong gender preferences about their unborn babies and I've had to really bite my tounge.

I have a DS, he's fab. I'd love another DS! Or a DD but not bothered either way.

I generally do think people just say stuff for the sake of saying stuff but it can be easy to get wound up.

I did notice my daughter got more attention in nursery and primary school. My very intelligent quiet little boy has described himself as 'invisible' in class. So yes, there is a difference in how boys and girls are treated I would agree.

So true, we are thinking of trying for a third and whenever we’ve discussed this with people, absolutely no-one believes that I’d prefer a third boy over a girl. I absolutely love being a boy mum. I’m sure I’d love a girl too but I just can’t imagine it, and I can’t get my head around the negativity of having a boy.

The education system massively favours girls imo

To add to that, my DH is one of three boys. His youngest brother is 30-something now and his mum STILL doesn’t stop going on about how much she’d wished he’d have been a girl.

I have two boys (now 19 and 22) and a girl (16). When my daughter was born i was pleased she was a girl but i would have loved a third boy equally. When she was born people said things like , "you can stop now", like the middle boy didn't matter. I love all three equally and i hated the comments.

@Comedycook 💯 especially in primary as they are considered “ easier “ then

My experience has not been like this. I have both sexes and have never been subjected to any negativity about either. I had a boy first and experienced only positivity about him. Most people appreciate that children are individuals and have their own characters independent of whether they are male or female. If they can't work that out then I would say that their opinions are pretty worthless OP.

Apologies, not read ref thread but wanted to say that I have a boy, just the ONE - shock horror etc, and it’s great, he’s great. I was so relieved when I discovered we were having a boy (I have a v v poor relationship with alcoholic mother, so not mad on female relatives!).

As for your 3, well… 3 of either sex is a little unusual so maybe that’s why you get the comments? Friend of mine has 4 girls and I know she gets the same but about girls, pitying looks and comments. Though hopefully not from her friends!

Indeed, I thought this comment from your friend was incredibly bitchy - surely designed to make you feel crap:

“My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved”

If the friend is childless then I can excuse it, since she won’t know how it all goes from first hand experience. But if she has kids, especially if she has a girl/girls, then it’s just so pointed and nasty!

But but….this very thread has lots of quite nasty comments about girls…and none about boys. I’ve just read girls are ‘drama, expensive, bitchy, mean, bullying, paid more attention to.’

It feels to me like toxic masculinity is perhaps affecting the mothers of boys who want/ expect their sons to be ‘kings of the world.’

see case in point below

I know my boy has to grow up in a world where he is spoken about and talked to as if he is inherently bad, and the struggles he has with girls and women are minimised and dismissed, it is unsurprising that he feels increasingly defensive around the female teachers who pick on or are suspicious of the boys

@dellas irony much?

I was so relieved when I discovered we were having a boy

*I thought this comment from your friend was incredibly bitchy.

“My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved*

so you can be relieved about a boy. But someone else can’t be about a girl. It’s almost like….people have personal preferences. Weird

Thing is OP, you’re looking for opinions to back up your views. It’s not difficult to find them if you want. Your OP also had some rather sexist generalisations towards girls.

Many posters on this thread are telling you they’ve had exactly the same experience with all girls. And there are often some pretty unpleasant adjectives used about girls whereas boys are usually just “exuberant” or “a handful” - boys are rarely described in really unpleasant ways such as bitchy, manipulative etc.

You keep pointing to the gender disappointment category on here as some kind of proof - firstly, MN isn’t representative of society as a whole. Secondly, lots of mums dream about girly days with a daughter. Lots of dads dream about sporty days with a son. This is a female-centric site - ask a bunch of blokes and you’ll probably get a different bias.

Can’t we just agree that parents with multiple children of either sex are liable to have some stupid comments? It’s not confined to parents of boys as you seem determined to insist.

I have a relative who is afraid of becoming pregnant in case it isn't a girl.

When my eldest was in hospital as a baby the night nurses we're doing their checks and we're having a conversation and one of them said she'd love a little girl but was too afraid to try in case it was another boy as she had 2 already.
When I had my second girl some people looked disappointed for me when I told them so I can only imagine how difficult it is for people who get the same and having to defend their little boys for existing. It must be awful.

I had a friend who secretly dressed her little boy in princess dresses and tied his hair up she was that desperate for a girl. She had 4 boys then a girl, she wasn't stopping.

I think daughters are seen as more loyal to their bio family than sons, and so you feel you're more likely to see them when they’re adults with their own children.

A son may be considered better in other countries as the parents tend to depend on their children financially as they age but that’s not generally a factor in the UK.

That's so interesting, I'd never considered that. I guess it's heightened as in you hear the comments more but it's interesting how little insight people have into their own assumptions.

One thing I learned from having a brother was when we talk about our childhood he always says I was taught not to trouble your parents, as in deal with your feelings alone. That wasn't my childhood experience at all :(

My eldest daughter has 3 boys. All teenagers.. 19.. 17 and 16.
Youngest daughter one boy age 10.
Eldest is single parent..
They are very close.. can talk to their mum or me about anything.
No one mentioned " oh another boy" at all.
She wanted boys actually .
But when my Mum had me and my younger sister after 3 girls.. people said " oh poor you.. wouldn't you have liked a boy".
All are cherished.

I have noticed this aswell and I’m really sorry people don’t keep their rude thoughts to themselves! My best friend has three boys she adores and always gets ridiculous comments. Some people are just ignorant. Just be thankful you’re not them!

I imagine the gender disappointment threads will sway more towards boys because it’ll more often than not be mothers positing and generally men want boys and women want girls.

I don't think its a boy thing I think its having multiple children the same sex and the more you have the more the comments. I have 2 girls and loads of people ask if I want a boy. They also say to my partner about him being outnumbered. Iv never been offended by it though it's just small talk I don't think a lot of thought goes into these comments

I’m being honest and not goady here but I genuinely think this is a reason. And not an invalid one.

4 MILLION men are perpetrators of violence against women and 1 in 10 women have been affected IN THE LAST YEAR.

now of course it’s ’not All men’ but it’s pretty much ‘all men’ who are engaged in this behaviour. Hence why it probably feels safer and more comfortable to have a girl. And don’t forget many many women (think it’s about 40%) have suffered at the hands of males so it’s not unfair of them to favour female children.

amp.theguardian.com/society/article/2024/jun/04/met-chief-says-millions-of-men-are-danger-to-women-and-girls-in-england-and-wales

Trust me if you were a male with only daughters you would be getting lots of sympathy from other men.
when my brothers wife had their first child a dd the male neighbour commented to my brother “never mind you can always try again!”.