To think life with one child looks soooo easy

[justwonderingreally2]

It’s such a stupid thread as I love my children so don’t want to give one up but my god on the very very very rare occasion I only have one it feels so easy.

All my friends only have one and it’s so calm. Going on holiday soon, everyone else has one child, I have two. I’m stressed already.

Does anyone else ever think this?

On holiday at the moment, family on the beach with one 4/5 year old child. Always wanting mum and dad to play with them, no one else to play with. Mum and Dad were not having a relaxing time.

At least if they are attempting to murder each other, they are entertained!

I had six, there is a reason for that lol

I'm sure this is down to temperament though because my eldest (the one who was an only for a few years) needs a lot more from me than the younger. I can happily sit in the same room as the youngest, me reading and him bobbling around playing. The eldest needs a lot of interaction and moans "no one is looking after me!" if he feels he isn't getting the input he needs. If we'd stayed at one I don't think he'd be any different, he's a very centre-stage sort of person even at preschool.

Maybe they enjoy the company of their child?

So much projection and defensiveness on this thread...as seems to be the case with every thread on this subject, sadly.

There are pros and cons to having an only child, just as there pros and cons to having multiple children, and to remaining childfree. Every child and every family will have different circumstances, different dynamics and family members with their own individual strengths and needs so it's impossible to generalise about what the optimum number of DC is. Lazy stereotypes and assumptions about different family set ups are not helpful and add very little to the discussion.

For those with only children who have been upset by this thread, I am an only child and never longed for a sibling. I certainly wasn't lonely. I don't feel I'm missing out as an adult either. Having a sibling does not inoculate you against loneliness or unhappiness and nor does it guarantee that you'll be friends as adults. DH was quite close with his Dsis as a child but now they have a polite but distant relationship. They tolerate each other for PIL's benefit but I expect that when they're no longer around they will have very little contact at all. Some of my friends are close with their siblings, some aren't.

I have 2 DC and sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's lovely. I felt the same when we only had 1. Going from 1 to 2 was definitely an adjustment, when they were very little there were moments when I thought "what have we done?" but it gets easier. My DC both have SEN but even so it's getting easier all the time as they get older.

I have two . It was hard then better as they played and interacted . Then it got hard again . DD13 and DS10 seem to hate each other . Have nothing in common argue all the time . Holidays are a nightmare when we spend time together but want different things. DS away with his dad and it’s so so much easier 😢

I love interacting with my DC. I'd much rather do that than 'relax'.

Recently my husband took my older children away for a few days. I stayed home with our twins. So much easier! I didn't need to work or do the school run, but I did have the farm and animals to take care of. The house even got tidied! It's not my normal life though and I missed them

@Scorchio84 please don't take to heart what I said.

It was just a sweeping generalisation.

Only children get undivided attention from parents which kids with siblings can't get.

Siblings often don't get on and just fight all the time.

I didn't mean to make you feel shit for having an only.

There is no one size fits all.

@nomchonge1 it wasn't a narrow minded and ignorant thing to say.

It was an observation.

And one for which I had already apologised to @Scorchio84 for as it was not my intention to make her feel bad. However, there was nothing inherently wrong with what I said and your remark was uncalled for.

"& that's what cousins & play groups provide"

Well, my kids may have siblings, but they don't have any cousins.

I feel shit about that but there's nothing I can do about it.

"Not sure who you're looking at but my single child isn't lonely and rarely bored. Sad that you make such a sweeping statement and feel you are correct when you are very wrong."
@babybirdsmomma

It wasn't that much of a sweeping statement though, was it? I used the word "often." I didn't say "always".

I'm very sorry for your loss @Scirocco

I have four (ones very disabled, so not sure my experience is normal) but 4 is easier than three was for me! Three was a tricky balancing act especially when the were all 6 and under

Didn't say you said always did I !
@newleafontheplantjohn

You said often which means 'frequently or many times'. Which is why I still stand by what I said , you made a sweeping statement that single children 'often' look lonely or bored which simply isn't true for most !

I've seen children with siblings often looking lonely and bored too! I think there's a lot of confirmation bias going on when it comes to people's judgment of only children. (I have a few friends who are only children, and they love it! Not to mention my son, who is perfectly happy being an only child.)

Every set up is different, you can't know until you're on the inside of each family I don't think.

My mum has a brother but when their mum started suffering with dementia it was my mum who did everything while he stayed well away. Me, my brother, my dad and my dad's siblings were her support. She doesn't speak to her brother now because she can't forgive how he left everything to her.

My dad has a brother and sister and they are all pretty close.

Me and my brother were very close growing up and although we're there for eachother now, it's more distant unfortunately.

My husband has 2 siblings but they're much older and he feels very seperate to them.

We have a son who is 4.5 and very unlikely to have another. He was "third time lucky" after 2 miscarriages. During lockdown and the aftermath it just wasn't feasible for us to consider trying - family deaths, redundancies, severe sleep deprivation. Ds is now awaiting an autism assessment, which we've been told by nursery, HV and gp will be "a formality". Our days can start at 6.30 and not end until midnight. Or they can begin at 2.30am. But, he's awesome. Loves me and his dad and his grandparents, who are able to help out with him but could never manage him AND a sibling. He has a couple of friends and loves seeing them, but is always ready for everything to "go back to normal" at home afterwards. We've had a holiday recently just the 3 of us and it was fantastic! Went to the zoo, birdwatching, the beach. Film nights with pizza. Ice cream on the pier in the evening when it was quieter.

I'm not sure how he'll get on as an adult, as me and DH age etc but I also know that sibling is no guarantee of anything.

@newleafontheplantjohn

"Yes.

On the flip side, it often looks very boring / lonely for the kid.

I have two kids and it can be a nightmare sometimes. But I am very glad they have each other."

Couldn't agree more, could've written this myself!

One child families are more straightforward but to me it feels like something is missing. My BF would dearly have loved two but after 4 miscarriages she gave up and I know how much pain this still causes her. So although yes, two can be harder in lots of ways, overall it is a real blessing.

Why do you think I’m sensitive for suggesting your comment was tactless

Nothing is missing from my family. 🙂

Because I don't think it was tactless.

This

I've got dc with additional needs and god I look at people with dc without additional needs and think it looks so easy. My DC without is so easy.

But I'd never swap. She's the absolute best of the best. I love her with everything I am.

I generally think I'm lucky.

Hear hear.

I am seriously considering sticking to my son only, because of various health issues that would make another pregnancy a real roll of the dice.

It's dumb and wonky to make comments about children needing siblings.

This is interesting. From my experience it's those will 3 plus kids complaing about the cost of things like tickets for family days out, holidays, or its well I have 2 to pay for. Things like holiday clubs for 3 children are often out of the question.

There's quite a few negative assumptions from people on this thread about "onlys". I'm from a big family despite having an only and some of these comments are baffling. All the onlys I know have quite a good life and have got a sucessful career. I appreciate everyone's circle differs.