Page 12 | To think life with one child looks soooo easy

justwonderingreally2 · 2024-08-09T14:09:54+00:00

It’s such a stupid thread as I love my children so don’t want to give one up but my god on the very very very rare occasion I only have one it feels so easy. All my friends only have one and it’s so calm. Going on holiday soon, everyone else has one child, I have two. I’m stressed already. Does anyone else ever think this?

Marine30 · 10/08/2024 13:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

I’m sorry - I probably came across as a bit dismissive of one child families with that remark. I suppose I meant the banter between two siblings.
I do know this isn’t always the case and I am aware that some siblings can’t stand each other. But if you do get on well with your brother or sister they’re a great ally in life.

Thunderandlightningisfrightening · 10/08/2024 13:38

PuttingOnTheKitsch · 10/08/2024 10:36

I know this has not been a popular quote, but I have worked with so many parents of only children and I do feel like I end up knowing about every hair on that child's head.

If that's not you (and it wasn't me either for the first five years of DD1s life), then it's about you, but it definitely is some people.

Ultimately all families have their pluses and minuses. Whatever your family size, make sure you have a will and as you age, clear provisions for your care. Both save a lot of a heartache..

Show quote history

My sons nursery and school staff don't know every hair on his head. Why would they? They're not his parents. I don't even know everything about my child and I'm not going to pester professionals about weird things.

Juyjuly32 · 10/08/2024 15:18

mrlistersgelfbride · 10/08/2024 10:00

Well, yes! I have one and it's great!
She's sociable, confident, enjoys school and we can afford to pay for her hobbies and we do have nice holidays.
People go on another onlies being lonely, well I live on an estate and other kids are always in my house playing with my daughter. I enjoy talking to the other kids too. They say their parents are busy with younger siblings, so it works out well for us all.

There's several only kids in DDs class. Lovely kids.

I don't mean to offend but I do think people should think more about the number of kids they have if they find it hard. I found it really hard which is why I stuck at 1.
I know society says 2 is the norm and I see lots of people say they had a second child to give the first a sibling.
Why? It really isn't necessary. Of course have another child if you really want one. But you don't have to do it! And I'll tell that to anyone.

The harsh reality is that a lot of people should have less kids especially in poor circumstances. I feel like it's a race to the bottom to say well "I've got 3". Unfortunately with motherhood you get no thanks for it! All this nonsense about elderly parents... needing care is TOSH. It ends up falling on 1 sibling half the time! Abouve all else some people just didn't have baby no2 down to circumstances I don't see any wrong nor shame in that!.

It's definitely been an interesting thread to read!

Worstsummerever · 10/08/2024 17:01

@PuttingOnTheKitsch What do you mean??

DancelikeFredAstaire · 10/08/2024 18:54

Marine30 · 09/08/2024 19:41

One child families are more straightforward but to me it feels like something is missing. My BF would dearly have loved two but after 4 miscarriages she gave up and I know how much pain this still causes her. So although yes, two can be harder in lots of ways, overall it is a real blessing.

I had 1,never wanted another and don't feel like anything is "missing".

Xmasbaby11 · 10/08/2024 18:59

Pros and cons to all of them!

I have 2dc 10 and 12. We wanted two and we got two, so I feel very fortunate, but of course it's natural to look around and compare.

Sometimes I look at one-child families and envy the calm and attention for the child.

Sometimes I look at larger families and envy the energy and potential for more sibling relationships.

Sometimes I look at other 2-child families and wonder how they are getting on better than us!

My point is, there is no perfect size of families, there are all sorts of wonderful families, some of which are much more complicated than the above.

Xmasbaby11 · 10/08/2024 19:01

I also have friends who have 3 kids and they make it look easy! Some people just take it in their stride, or have easier kids. It isn't always easy with 1 or difficult with more.

I don't think you can make any assumptions about the number of children other than the cost.

Combattingthemoaners · 10/08/2024 19:02

DancelikeFredAstaire · 10/08/2024 18:54

I had 1,never wanted another and don't feel like anything is "missing".

Show quote history

Same here. I feel extremely lucky and blessed to have one and happy to stick to that. The comments on here blow my mind, people honestly can’t imagine how anyone else would pick a different path other than the one they have chosen.

AbraAbraCadabra · 10/08/2024 21:29

I had one and always preferred it if he a friend round. Much less effort when they have someone to play with. He wasn't very calm tbh though as he is ASC/ADHD. My BIL/SIL have three girls and they always seemed much calmer than my one ADHD boy!

Croissant59 · 10/08/2024 21:39

evtheria · 10/08/2024 11:52

@Juyjuly32
I'm also from a big family, and grew up having not just siblings but a mob of cousins to hang out with during summer holidays... Unfortunately for my DS all his cousins live elsewhere/abroad, and unlike me (quite satisfied to not socialise for weeks!) he is a real extrovert. We're not on a 'comfortable' income so activities and clubs are a very conscious expense for us, and I can respect it would be more so for those with multiple children. Free things like going to the park or library can be surprisingly unsuccessful social outings when most in our area seem to be away, or when (this seems to happen more now, I think) the kids there are already with another/a group, and not receptive to/aware of a stranger perhaps joining in.

I also love having my one! I grew up with one sibling (other 2 much older and left home) and it has always been a volatile love/hate thing, extremely difficult. I've never felt I wanted to have another (despite the guilt during covid lockdowns and over DS solely having the burden of us in old age), and I think there are specific benefits to having one... though dependent on person if they value that benefit, of course! I wanted to answer OP as another parent happily with the desired 'just one' what my honest drawback was. I too have found the responses interesting!

Have you considered the scouts? They're great for building a social group and they often do camps in the summer that don't cost much.

Bellaheyes · 10/08/2024 21:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

evtheria · 10/08/2024 22:29

@Croissant59 Yes, he's in Scouts and loves it!

EatTheGnome · 14/08/2024 13:15

AbraAbraCadabra · 10/08/2024 21:29

I had one and always preferred it if he a friend round. Much less effort when they have someone to play with. He wasn't very calm tbh though as he is ASC/ADHD. My BIL/SIL have three girls and they always seemed much calmer than my one ADHD boy!

We have one and love hosting playdates. I love the noise and fun and vibe.

But it's totally different to siblings. Siblings enjoy playfighting and winding eachother up in a way that friends don't. It has its own charm and the siblings love eachother but it is very different engagement

Ilovecakey · 14/08/2024 14:12

Try having 3 4 and under including twins! And yes it's hard!

Cangar · 14/08/2024 16:25

My colleague had 4 daughters under 2! His daughter was 18 months when his triplets were born.

MilkyCappuchino · 14/08/2024 16:32

Second never happened even we tried for many years. So what? Yes, our life is peaceful, lush, calm and so?

Ozanj · 14/08/2024 17:16

I have one. It’s often more stressful because you need to arrange and host all playdates as parents with more than one tend to prefer playdates with siblings. That means you need to always be on during the school run which is just awful sometimes.

PinkPolkadotFlamingo · 14/08/2024 21:19

I would really like to see a different approach to these threads. Everyone seems to double down, get defensive, and want to prove that their chosen family size (if they were lucky enough to choose it) is somehow the universally optimal choice.

I think there are pros and cons to small vs large families and there doesn't need to be a competition to prove which is the best option.

It would be much nicer to see people discussing in a light hearted fashion, the cons of their family's size, as I think the OP originally intended.

I have one, by choice, and while it makes travelling and getting a babysitter easier, it does mean that I had to spend half an hour this evening pretending to be a customer in my DC's imaginary restaurant, which seemed to serve nothing but strawberry jam .

VestaTilley · 14/08/2024 21:31

YABVU.

WimpoleHat · 15/08/2024 08:26

I have one, by choice, and while it makes travelling and getting a babysitter easier, it does mean that I had to spend half an hour this evening pretending to be a customer in my DC's imaginary restaurant, which seemed to serve nothing but strawberry jam

This made me laugh @PinkPolkadotFlamingo - as my (now teen) DDs were reminiscing about their imaginary restaurant and the younger one is still really cross about the fact that she always had to be the chef and was never allowed to be the waitress and one time was made to sit in the cupboard (aka the small kitchen). As you say - pros and cons! 😂 (Alternatively - you could volunteer for the chef role and take your book in there for a few minutes of peace….?)

Sounreasonable · 15/08/2024 08:37

PeatandDieselfan · 09/08/2024 15:20

I don't agree. All the people I know who have only 1 massively over-complicate things. Basically, if you don't have a 2nd one, you never get out of the PFB stage.

What a load of bollocks.

The fussiest, most highly strung mother I know who doesn’t allow her kids to run in the park in case they fall has 3- presumably all mothers of 3 children are similarly hysterical?

Sounreasonable · 15/08/2024 08:48

PinkPolkadotFlamingo · 14/08/2024 21:19

I would really like to see a different approach to these threads. Everyone seems to double down, get defensive, and want to prove that their chosen family size (if they were lucky enough to choose it) is somehow the universally optimal choice.

I think there are pros and cons to small vs large families and there doesn't need to be a competition to prove which is the best option.

It would be much nicer to see people discussing in a light hearted fashion, the cons of their family's size, as I think the OP originally intended.

I have one, by choice, and while it makes travelling and getting a babysitter easier, it does mean that I had to spend half an hour this evening pretending to be a customer in my DC's imaginary restaurant, which seemed to serve nothing but strawberry jam .

Yes- it’s bloody obvious that there are pros and cons to both situations.

If you have siblings hopefully you have playmates as a child and support through your life (although I’m one of 4 siblings and I don’t have much of a relationship with any of them so it isn’t guaranteed)

but if you are an only child then you have more resources available to you- time, money and space.

I could go on and on- there isn’t a correct way.

Gogogo12345 · 15/08/2024 12:06

Hmm imagine if your husband said to you " I love you so much that I'm going to get another wife. You will be expected to be nice to her, accept there is less time and money for you and be happy about it as im doing it for you"

That's basically what you are telling your eldest child if you choose to have another " to give the eldest a sibling"

If you want more than one child fair enough but don't use the excuse it's " for your eldest to have a sibling"

eggandchip · 15/08/2024 15:57

I dont have any kids by choice.
Im selfish what i earn is mine what i do i do for me.
I dont think id cope with being responsible for a whole human.

Juyjuly32 · 17/08/2024 12:47

@Sounreasonable completely agree.