To think life with one child looks soooo easy

[justwonderingreally2]

It’s such a stupid thread as I love my children so don’t want to give one up but my god on the very very very rare occasion I only have one it feels so easy.

All my friends only have one and it’s so calm. Going on holiday soon, everyone else has one child, I have two. I’m stressed already.

Does anyone else ever think this?

Please don’t. While we are very lucky to have the second child we wanted after years of struggle, I do miss the quality of relationship I was able to have with my eldest before his brother came along. I wouldn’t change where we are now and appreciate how lucky I am to have the family size I wanted, but it’s not been unequivocally better for my eldest, who really struggled with the change to begin with (even though he loves the little guy)

Please don’t let it. Every MN thread even tangentially related to one-child families seems to attract unpleasant comments. It used to upset me but I don’t let it get to me now, as I know their ludicrous stereotyping bears no relation to reality. Your family is fine as it is.

Ignore this type of comment. I can't undersrand why it's considered OK to say such hurtful things about 1 child familiies.

There’s always at least one poster on every thread who lacks critical thinking skills.

Its an opinion forum. People are allowed opinions. World would be boring if we were all the same. And yes, I've seen some posts I don't like and disagree with but I'd rather hear them than live in an echo chamber

They depends on the kid I think, my dd loved playing by herself and would spend hours playing. If I tried to get involved she got very annoyed.

On holidays she always would find a friend to play with. Ime siblings tend to stick together whereas my dd was able to find friends anywhere!

One way doesn't have to be better than the other, big families and small families all have their pros and cons 🤷‍♀️

Well, yes! I have one and it's great!
She's sociable, confident, enjoys school and we can afford to pay for her hobbies and we do have nice holidays.
People go on another onlies being lonely, well I live on an estate and other kids are always in my house playing with my daughter. I enjoy talking to the other kids too. They say their parents are busy with younger siblings, so it works out well for us all.

There's several only kids in DDs class. Lovely kids.

I don't mean to offend but I do think people should think more about the number of kids they have if they find it hard. I found it really hard which is why I stuck at 1.
I know society says 2 is the norm and I see lots of people say they had a second child to give the first a sibling.
Why? It really isn't necessary. Of course have another child if you really want one. But you don't have to do it! And I'll tell that to anyone.

And it rattles when people say "Have 2 so they play together".
Playing was never the issue! Playing can be fun.
What about severe post natal mental health issues? Unhelpful partners and grandparents? Having enough money?

I think I would have thrown myself off a bridge if I'd had another baby- I nearly did with the first!

You have to do what is best for you x

It's not like "marmite is better than jam" to say "only children are lonely" or "five is harder than four".

Apart from being downright cruel in some circumstances, it's not even close to being accurate. Some only kids thrive on the attention and peace. Sometimes more children will be easier than fewer with complex needs.

So having a blanket opinion on the matter is the action of a moron. And stating it is the action of a wanker.

I think it is easier on the whole- DS and I have a great relationship and I can give him a lot of support. We were on holiday recently and the other parents were constantly talking about how to manage arguments.

That said, the fact some people still look down on having one child and stigmatize it is hard, as shown on this thread. I have found it hard at times and so has my DS but that is because of other’s attitudes. Reality is it’s brilliant. Child dependent obviously.

I know this has not been a popular quote, but I have worked with so many parents of only children and I do feel like I end up knowing about every hair on that child's head.

If that's not you (and it wasn't me either for the first five years of DD1s life), then it's about you, but it definitely is some people.

Ultimately all families have their pluses and minuses. Whatever your family size, make sure you have a will and as you age, clear provisions for your care. Both save a lot of a heartache..

Look, as a parent of 1, I'm sure there are plenty who think my child is lonely. I just don't care that much.

there is no point pretending people don't think these things.

And outside of mumsnet, noone gives it much though.

Good attitude. My DS has a great group of friends and is good at making friends in new places. That said attitudes of others sometimes has got me down, but less now…

We went to a wedding last night. The groom is an only child. The room was full of his mates who are all very close. I highly doubt he's going to end up dying alone distressed about his lack of sibling with them lot. He says he never gets a minutes peace off them.

@Juyjuly32
I'm also from a big family, and grew up having not just siblings but a mob of cousins to hang out with during summer holidays... Unfortunately for my DS all his cousins live elsewhere/abroad, and unlike me (quite satisfied to not socialise for weeks!) he is a real extrovert. We're not on a 'comfortable' income so activities and clubs are a very conscious expense for us, and I can respect it would be more so for those with multiple children. Free things like going to the park or library can be surprisingly unsuccessful social outings when most in our area seem to be away, or when (this seems to happen more now, I think) the kids there are already with another/a group, and not receptive to/aware of a stranger perhaps joining in.

I also love having my one! I grew up with one sibling (other 2 much older and left home) and it has always been a volatile love/hate thing, extremely difficult. I've never felt I wanted to have another (despite the guilt during covid lockdowns and over DS solely having the burden of us in old age), and I think there are specific benefits to having one... though dependent on person if they value that benefit, of course! I wanted to answer OP as another parent happily with the desired 'just one' what my honest drawback was. I too have found the responses interesting!

I’m surprised about all the negative one child sentiment. I have one and I’ve never experienced this irl - in fact I’d say out of my daughter’s friends about half are onlies. Maybe it’s because we live in London.

Either way, I’d suggest you read the latest New Scientist as it debunks all the one child myths as falsehoods - through actually research not just opinion.

It baffles me that parents would get so upset about what other parents choose to do with how many children they have. I’d suggest a lot of the posters here might be desperately trying to justify something to themselves!

Yes, don't let it make you feel bad. Having a baby should be a considered decision and there are loads of good reasons to stop at one. I hated being pregnant, so was never going to do it again. Those who think that it's selfish to only have one child should remember that it's quite possible for a mother to die or have horrible birth injuries, even in this day and age, and even in the UK. And that's before you consider the possibility of a baby having a disability when it's born.

I was more than happy to quit while I was ahead. Alive and well and with a healthy baby,

It really was, in my situation. I know some people crow on about their child growing up around adults and philosophical dinner party conversations etc, but lockdown without another child's energy, silliness, and viewpoint was depressing for my one. I tried my best but it was not enough.

Yes I think generally of course 1 is easier. I have certainly had a pretty easy ride through parenthood. Very social teen now with loads of good friends. You tend to make the effort there when they're an only. I'm a lone parent and honestly haven't found it difficult. We have a great relationship. I can't relate to all these bored teens on holiday threads on here atm, mine loves holidaying with me, we have a great time together.
I have a sibling. We have no relationship.

They like each other then I assume. Both my daughters have regularly told me how their lives would be so much better without the other

I don’t know. I have two girls and they are genuine besties (sure they have their moments but they are very close). They have played together beautifully all summer. Whilst I think one would be “logistically” easier, I cannot imagine the work that must go in to keeping an only child entertained all summer etc. I think it would be much harder.

This resonates with how I found lockdown with my (then) only. No matter how hard I tried I was just no where near as fun as your average 5 year old — and he really missed the company of other children

Something is not missing. You could say that about any family configuration. A single person? Something missing. Three kids? A fourth missing.

A bizarre statement to make.