To think life with one child looks soooo easy

[justwonderingreally2]

It’s such a stupid thread as I love my children so don’t want to give one up but my god on the very very very rare occasion I only have one it feels so easy.

All my friends only have one and it’s so calm. Going on holiday soon, everyone else has one child, I have two. I’m stressed already.

Does anyone else ever think this?

It's just my opinion and in my opinion play dates and cousins aren't enough. You are welcome to your opinion as well.

It's perfectly possible for children to have siblings and still be lonely, I think it's weird that some people with two or more are so sure they've made the "better" choice - it's subjective and unique to each family.

We stuck at one because of very negative experiences with siblings, so please don't rely on them "looking after each" other in childhood and beyond.

One suits us perfectly, and we both love hanging out with her - it definitely seems easier to me, but as shown on this thread, it's all relative (pun very much intended). I think kids are bloody marvellous, no matter how many are in a family.

Whether things are easy or hard is dependent on so many variables, can’t see the point in trying to work out which one is ‘harder’..We all just do the best we can.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂<pause for breath> 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Never get of the PFB stage???.....I was never in it with DD.

Congratulations! How wonderful after all your fertility ordeal, reasonable people know nothing is black & white x

There are 'cons'.
One of which is I'm constantly taking mine to various clubs, outings and meetups so he gets to socialize outside of school... And the summer holidays, if you can't afford or are unable to get away on a trip, can be extremely lonely for an only child.

Why is it not okay to say? I was a very sad and lonely only child. I know that’s not the case for all only children, but I don’t like the idea that my experience has to be invalidated just because it makes some parents feel bad?

You have 2, so your answer is not based on reality. And you are wrong.

Have you tried being a playmate for your child throughout his life?

Have you felt the grief of having only one when you would have loved to have more than one?

Have you been on holiday and wistfully looked at other families with ready-made buddies going to children's activities whilst your child feels nervous, but you can't escort them in because it's a child-only zone?

I could go on and on...

BUT there are many pluses too. Like affording to give your child a lot of what they ask for because, well, there's only one of them.

Full attention to the child because there aren't others vying for attention.

Days out are easy and can be impromptu because of fewer people to organise for.

On and on .....

No one has it easier or harder. Each situation has its nice and not so nice bits. Just count your blessings and keep it moving.

I know plenty of adult siblings who don't get on. It's fine where they are more than two children but when there are only two it causes issues for parents and others in the family.

Anyway while my DD is my only child, she isn't DP's only child.

This reminded me of how I viewed having children before I actually had them. I'd see these people in groups in pub gardens, enjoying wine with their friends, their children happily playing in the playground, and I'd think - that's what parenthood will be like! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (how little did I know!).

Now I have 3 and needless to say it is nothing like that at all, pretty much ever.

I think all families have their own beauty and their own challenges.... I have only one child, and she does get loads of time, money and attention spent on her, especially as her dad and I are separated, so the time she is with each of us we focus on building our relationship with her.

She's not "spoilt" in my opinion - but she does, tho superficially fairly shy, have a core of inner confidence that blows me away, that I suspect derives from having such great certainty that she is important to us, and so very loved.

But I am not implying that families with two or more children make those children feel any less loved, of course not. It's just how it works in our family. And of course not all parents of only children are especially close to them - my friend who has an only astonishes me how little she seems to know about her daughter's views and private life (but then she probably sees me as wildly over-involved with mine....)

Just love and cherish what you have - there are advantages and disadvantages to every family structure - dwelling on your own life's positives is the best way to be happy! 😊

Yes it feels like it can turn in to a competition with threads like this about who has it harder/ easier/ better. And since there is a degree of choice involved (though not for everyone) it seems odd when people with more than one get all martyrish about it. There are pros & cons to every family size & every child is different.

Ha yes, my ‘first’ was twins, so we went straight to 2. We have 3 now, and when we do ever (rarely!) have one on their own we’re amazed at how quiet and straightforward it is. Saying that though, everyone has different things going on, and some children are more difficult than others, so I’m not one to say parents of 1 (or 2!) have it easier. One of mine is very hard, one is so easy, one in the middle somewhere!
3 can feel chaotic at times especially when with our friends with 1 or 2, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I bet parents of 4+ think 3 is easy. I’d quite like 4!

I don’t know why people are so uptight about this 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe no easier but definitely less time consuming with just one: no arguments to referee and half the kids-related tasks (laundry, tidying, homework support etc) even things such as quality time - way harder to fit in when you need to do several in a row.
Half the amount of activities to schedule, school projects to help with, birthday parties and playdates to drive them to etc etc
And when people have time they are usually more relaxed, hence a feeling of a less frazzled home.
BUT
With only one child they will come to you for entertainment way more often than if they have siblings. You can’t make the kids eat their dinner while you tidy the kitchen - as your only child would be sitting on their own - so you sit at the table and watch them eat… and this can be pretty boring.

(I have two but have experienced a few times life with just one for a week)

I’m one of 5. We did not get on as children and barely speak to each other as adults, well some speak, others don’t. So no fairy tale in my case.

I have one. My DH and I can find it stressful on occasion. A stroppy teenager is a stroppy teenager! They go to school in another town so no friends in immediate area but doesn’t seem too bothered.

I know my DC would have liked another sibling but wasn’t possible. Generally things are calm (quiet, somewhat shy child) but as only one of him, I think he sees himself on an equal par with me/DH which can create some tension. I don’t know how the atmosphere in our house relates to those with multiple children but probably quieter - definitely not tidier!

I have one through choice and I LOVE it. We’re so close and life is pretty chill.

No one is saying your experience is less than...

Someone very confidently said that having a single baby is doing a hardship to that child, we're somehow selfish

Love these threads 🤪

I am a very happy only child, raising a very happy only child. My DH has two siblings one whom he is apathetic about and the other who he hasn't spoken to, by choice, for over 20 years.

Our one child is an absolute joy and easy as pie. She's an easy travel companion, always reading, writing and happy with her own company. Also very sociable. I couldn't cope with the chaos of more than one.

We have such a calm, lovely life. She's my favourite person to spend time with.

Each to their own.

And rubbish about lonely onlies. There’s just been a massive research report released in New Scientist that shows all these myths are incorrect.

My daughter has lots of friends but also enjoys hanging out with me (kids would rather hang with their parents one on one) and also by herself. Which is certainly a life skill to appreciate and which many don’t have - leading to sticking in shit relationships etc.

Wow is this where judgy people with lack of empathy and critical thinking skills hang out?

Some horrible stereotypes and assumptions on this thread

I have one teen dd and yes life is easy and always has been. Not having to consider another dc means we can be really spontaneous and go on city trips, concerts and holidays which would be hard with another as dh would have to take time off work. Dc does a top level sport that takes her all over the country. I don't have to feel guilty about dedicating my weekends to this which I would if I had another.

Having more disposable income helps too. When dc has a sleepover at friends dh and I get a night to ourselves- bliss!

Most of my friends have 2dc, some with small and gaps and some large. The ones with small age gaps they fight all the time and the large gaps means they don't have any real common interest. Luckily dd has same age cousins and that has been more beneficial for her (and the cousins) than a sibling they don't get on with/ have no shared interests.

I’m on holiday now with my two. The youngest one is soooo needy. If the oldest one wants to sit something out the youngest one won’t leave us alone. It’s exhausting.

When they’re enjoying each others company it’s bliss for us! (I do concede that I am lucky that they get on well!)

It was definitely calmer with one, but I'm not sure it felt like at the time! I don't think you can really compare because you probably romanticise about how smooth it was with one, and seeing other people's families from the outside isn't really representative of their lives imo. One kid and an uninvolved partner is probably harder than two in a supportive relationship.

Surely this depends of so many factors, like the temperaments of the children, the age gaps, the ages and stages of the parents, additional needs, medical conditions, or even good old fashioned financial security (or lack of).
The list goes on I’m sure, but comparing one person’s life with another’s is like comparing apples and oranges.

As adults I’m glad my children have each other as siblings. We are a close family. But children are hard. Anything ever worth doing is hard. The rewards of having children far out way the bad in my eyes and if I could rewind time I would probably have had more. Just know each stage is hard but different. Enjoy the cuddles while you can. It flies past so quickly. Just do your best.