To think life with one child looks soooo easy

[justwonderingreally2]

It’s such a stupid thread as I love my children so don’t want to give one up but my god on the very very very rare occasion I only have one it feels so easy.

All my friends only have one and it’s so calm. Going on holiday soon, everyone else has one child, I have two. I’m stressed already.

Does anyone else ever think this?

I have one and he is so much work. My brother has four and makes it look easy eventhough he's a single parent. I think it can depend on the children you have. My guy is really highly strung and needs so so much attention and stimulation!

Oh read that wrong 😂. Thought you said one child... not three 🫣

It's not easy but easier than having more.

Which is partly why I stopped at one - was knackered and didn't want to compromise on time, money etc.

My friend has one and she spends all her time arranging activities with other children and even takes other children on holiday with her. She says all her DC does is moan she is bored / lonely etc so even fights and squabbles is keeping them amused.

Well having 3 under 5 was very stressful but as they've got older, it's easy again. It's more your children's ages then how many you have. Of course a toddler and newborn is hard, even just one toddler is hard though!

She says, making it a competition...

When I had one I felt like there was judgement from the parents of more than one child “oh you’ve only got one, you don’t know what actual parenting is”.

Had a five year gap between mine and yes there is more to think of having two, but there are equally challenges about having one child, and them not having another child to interact with.

Kids are meant to be around other kids, be glad you had more than one.

I've only got one and I never entered the PFB stage!

Yes and no I reckon.

I have four. There is a certain amount of chaos - toys everywhere some days and laundry seems a bit endless at times. Very little spontaneity. But as others have pointed out they do have a great time together. Eldest is nearly 8 and would certainly certainly lonely without the young ones, and the twins have always been companions. The baby adores watching the older ones.

On balance, at the moment (ages 7y -8mo) I'm sure it is harder than with fewer kids. It would be simpler with fewer, and I LIKE playing with them, which is what I sometimes cut out. But I think in a few years while I don't think it will be easier than only I child, I think it will be more sinilar in difficulty if that makes sense.

It's all relative. I have 4 and think that life with 2 would have been easy! No point worrying about what others do, better to concentrate on what you need to do.

It's purely anecdotal, but my 3 kids did quite well during lockdown, and the friends of ours whose kids struggled were all singles.

Mine boil my piss with their bickering, but I think it helped them having each other when they couldn't mix with their friends.

Swings and roundabouts, on many levels, literally.

Also curious about this.

I don't think we're massively PFB about our son. He's a little hoodlum already at 10m old, just returned from an antenatal get together where yet again we were stopping him crawling off and stealing food from under tables whilst some little ones were just sitting all cute with their toys.

Honestly, it's easy to compare with other families, but I think "PFB" is in the eye of the beholder.

It will feel less stressful when they are older and can play with each other. And every other set of parents has to take it in turn to amuse their child! Then you’ll be laughing because you’ll be the only one getting a break.

I think it's entirely personal preference/chance.

For me, having two takes the pressure off. My little one bugs her older brother first, rather than me 😂. And he'll often play games with her that I would rather stab my hand than do - endless peekaboo, pretending to be a boa constrictor eating her, that sort of thing. And they're quite companionable just doing their own thing in the same room so I can slowly retreat and get on with stuff. My older one stayed with his cousins for a few days recently and I found just having the small one intense... All her attention was focused on me and she noticed instantly if I even left the room for a couple of minutes. But it was lovely to spend 1-1 time together.

But there are times that it is tough to balance their needs and that does stress me out sometimes. What tends to happen in our house is that the older one gets neglected, as he's quite sensible and chilled, so I do have to make an effort to do stuff with him after DC2 is in bed even though I'm slowly dying inside at this point.

On balance, I find two easier but that's with a largish age gap (4 years) and an easygoing older child. If I had a smaller age gap and one or both was hard work, it would probably be different. And I know a lot of very, very happy families with 1 child and I must say it doesn't look as if they're missing out at all, just having different experiences.

I'm not sure about this... A lot of only children are very good at amusing themselves or making friends easily. Some are full on and demanding, yes, but so are lots of kids with siblings.

I have twins and I often wondered why I ever thought one baby at once was hard 😂😂I do agree that having 3 kids has made me very laid back about it all haha

As someone who only had one, it really really was! (DD is now 16 and I barely see her!)

Yes it has its downsides, the fact that you have to get involved in boardgames and imaginative play where if they had a sibling you could just say "Go play with your brother" is a right pain in the arse sometimes.

But I look after my nephew and neice sometimes and I'm like "How the fuck do you do this, you need eyes in the back of your head!"

There are definite advantages to having more than one though, I worry that DD won't have anyone to share the load with when we get old and decrepit, that when we die the only family she'll have will be cousins she's not that close with.

Honestly I had one for a long time and now I have three. (So two close together).

Ages ago someone said to me that whatever the number of children you have is, that number -1 always seems easy, and I think they were absolutely right.

One was not hugely easier than two when I just had one. In fact I like the way that two play together and don't rely on me so much and some aspects of parenting are easier as crowd control than one on one persuasion.

But whenever I have (my normal situation) -1 it's much easier than it is when I have the two little ones together.

I have 3 and think going out with just 2 is easy peasy haha I thought going out with just 1 was easy when I had 2 and no doubt if I have another in a few year, suddenly going out with just 3 will seem like a piece of cake lol

Now that I have four I do wonder what I found difficult about having one. It is all relative though and it's easy to look back with rose tinted glasses. They're all so different as well. You could have one child that's an absolute handful versus two or three super chilled out easy kids.

Those were rather unique circumstances through. Humans are social beings so of course taking away our ability to socialise was going to be harmful (and having a larger "pack" would mitigate this harm).

For example, I don't think you can compare only children growing up in relative isolation in the country to only children in a row of terraced houses where every house has a child or two.

& that's what cousins & play groups provide

I’d be in an institution by now if DD1 had been an only child. Before she learnt to read, she was constantly bored of toys etc and needed constant interaction to keep her entertained. Now she has DD2 sharing my attention she’s realised that she needs to entertain herself, so will happily go off and do some reading/wroting/coliurinb (still finds toys boring though).

Having two was horrendous until DD2 was crawling, and since then my life has got easier and easier. Now they’re 3 and 5 I actually have some peace and quiet on occasion!

Depends on the child/ren I suppose.