To ask why I struggle with 'life admin'?

[NoLidlNoJoke]

Just wondering if anyone is like me and any idea why??

I have always really struggled with certain kinds of tasks.

For example, paying bills. I have these all as direct debits because before I did, I would really struggle to pay them on time.

Filling forms, applying for things etc. For example, I would have been entitled to a free laptop and other aids at university, but never managed to apply. I'm dyslexic and have specific sequencing difficulties - but I can literally write and fill in forms. I would have really benefitted from the laptop etc, I was struggling for money t the time.

Cancelling direct debits, returning things to get refunds etc. I am hopeless at this, and money management in general.

Sending things in the post. I really struggle to get started on this whole task, which feels like it has many stages.

It's not that I'm lazy or don't care. These tasks typically hang over me as a huge source of guilt. I also don't necessarily lack the intellectual ability - I have quite a senior job and a high IQ despite being dyslexic.

These problems have caused me huge problems in my life and lost me hundreds of pounds, too. Again, it's not that I'm rich!

Why am I like this and what on earth could be behind it?

For context my dad was similar - very good job and a bright man but always in debt as he struggled to deal with bills, always went overdue on parking tickets etc.

Have you ruled out depression/anxiety/ADHD etc etc?

Have you thought about writing tasks down like a list and cross off the ones done eg try to do 1-2 tasks first then try to do 3-4 get completed.

Because it's boring as fuck!

Once upon a time, I didn't have direct debits as I earned weekly so didn't know the money would be available but then I never paid until I got the reminder. My credit rating took an absolute bartering. I get paid and although I have DDs mostly, there are still some tasks that need to be completed manually. It's rare I bother on pay day and sometimes my whole round of DDs comes out a week later and I've done nothing. I also have to transfer to DH for the mortgage and he does get annoyed if it's after the DD has gone out. That's obv why we don't have a joint account 😂😂😂

But it's a great feeling when I am organised and do it on the day/day after.

To sum up, it's boring and I think really normal to be like this to a point. Sometimes we just need a rocket up our arse.

My husband is like this and he has really significant ADHD. I appreciate you might not have someone to share the load with, but we have found it best to play to our strengths. Essentially, I take on the admin tasks and general organisation and he does the more physical tasks (I have a physical disability). Failing that, have you heard of body doubling? It's a really effective strategy for many ADHD people. Even if you don't have ADHD, checking out some strategies isn't a bad thing ☺️

I know lots on MN gets cross at the constant labelling of everything as Neuro diversity but have you considered you may have adhd?

Executive function (dysfunction rather) is the term for this. Often deficits in executive functioning with ADHD and/or autism.

Most tasks may have multiple steps and getting the steps in the right order can be challenging. Filling a form for example and then posting means finding a pen, finding an envelope and a stamp. You need all the information required by the form (this might need you to look up information from previous correspondence etc) and then once done you need to put it in a post box. Multiple steps which might involve preplanning such as buying the envelopes and the stamp etc.

Some people find breaking down tasks like this really easy. In my house we have a drawer containing stamps, pens and envelopes. All paperwork is filed in an organised way. Others find it very challenging to break tasks down. Most people find reasons not to start challenging tasks. Then we feel guilty etc.

My DS has ASD and he sees tasks as massive problems but when I support him to break the task up he can do it himself. He just can't see the small steps.

Do you think you could be neurodiverse?

I do have anxiety and depression but am medicated and do well at work etc... I haven't thought about ADHD as I didn't know until recently there was an inattentive type.

I also really struggle with keeping the house tidy, to the point twice in my life I've donated almost everything I own to charity so I had very few things to manage... I put that down to the sequencing issues, as if my brain doesn't compute how to manage certain tasks and processes in a typical way.

I like the theory that I don't do it because it's boring 😆 but I don't think it's just that as e.g. some of these things would make my life way easier and give me more money for fun stuff

Was just about to say this. IDK if maybe the dyslexia alone could account for it, but overlapping Autism/ADHD/SpLDs aren't uncommon either.

I have autism and the problems you describe could be related to difficulties with Executive Function.

People I know think that I'm very efficient and organised but that's because I live by my diary and lists. I have to have systems to cope with this kind of stuff.

Because you don't see it as a priority

If you did, you'd do it

I haven't heard of body doubling, I'll check it out!

I do also feel like these kids of tasks take a huge amount of mental energy to start.

My husband is similar to me, unfortunately I'm the admin one... Although maybe he should be!

He is similar to me if not worse about tidying etc. Our whole life seems to be struggling to keep the home tidy

The things you describe are fairiy typical of ADHD.

For me the reason I struggle with things like this is because I have ADHD. Something for you to consider. Many, many women aren’t diagnosed until later in life because of stereotypes about how ADHD presents in children not really applying to girls.

I would also think ADHD - co-morbidity of Dyslexia/ADHD is very common.
As others have said, these are difficulties with executive function you are experiencing.

Someone always trots out smug, trite shit like this 🙄

We have been using "The Organised Mum Method" to get on top of cleaning and tidying. We had to heavily adapt it to our needs and what I can physically do (ie be realistic or else we'd give up) but it's been a total game changer. Our house will never be perfect - who's is?! - but it's so much better than it was before.

I'll look into ADHD. I wonder if someone could have executive dysfunction without ADHD? Because as far as I know this would be the main issue I have. Although I'll do some reading as there may be some other things. I don't struggle with emotional regulation or anything like that.

ADHD. (I could guess that from your title). Many women are mid-diagnosed with anxiety and depression, ocd etc.

Try the ADDitude website for tips etc. and perhaps go on a waiting list for diagnosis - some of the drugs can really help with executive dysfunction

Check out adhd_love and their Buddy app
For body doubling.

Lists and calendars are your friend.

Have a dated diary and also a calendar up in the house that you can see every day.

Write everything on them. Birthdays, dates to cancel things, appointments and so on and make sure to look at it every day so nothing takes you by surprise.

Set yourself days for when you will do certain tasks. Food shop Sunday, change bedding Monday, clean bathrooms Tuesday.

Having things written down frees up space in your head and makes you feel less overwhelmed.

Put reminders on your calendars a few weeks in advance for things like renewing car insurance so you don’t suddenly panic when the time comes and it gives you a chance to shop around and sort it.

I don't think this is it... It is true that there are often more immediate priorities a lot of the time like making meals, getting dressed, kids to school etc. But there have been times in my life when I didn't have those requirements in such a pressing way and could have hugely benefitted from these tasks.

I actually like filing in forms and admin, but i still struggle with it. It's boring and complicated and technology has actually made some aspects worse rather than better. Do companies ever actually test their user interfaces? (thames water's billing info took me over an hour to work out this week plus two phone calls and both people i spoke to had different understandings!).

Seventeen steps to sort out kids school meals. Four emails from some online companies when you order one thing and then three more from the deliver company and then a request for feedback - arrrgh! It's constant and overwhelming. Dr sends text, email and something on the NHS app for the same information.

But also the struggle to find envelope, stamp and correct address at the same time is real!

My only advice is to do it when you get the prompt for admin then you never have to think about it again. Same with tidying, don't put it down put it away. And lists as PP have said.

Easier said than done though.

I have tried some of this in the past but not managed to stick to it. I semi regularly get this kind of burnout where I end up with almost 0 ability to function in the way I'd like. E.g. end up spending loads of money getting deliveroo (healthy) meals every day when I'm a good cook and love cooking for my family. Hmm the more I'm thinking about it I think the executive dysfunction thing may be a very big issue for me.

Do you do anything to help yourself? Eg set yourself a reminder to do the admin task at a time when you're free to do It?

I tend to set myself reminders.

Do you actually put the effort in?
I used to be v disorganised up to the age of about 20 until I realised I had to put more effort into thinking things through.

What is your senior Job?