To ask why I struggle with 'life admin'?

[NoLidlNoJoke]

Just wondering if anyone is like me and any idea why??

I have always really struggled with certain kinds of tasks.

For example, paying bills. I have these all as direct debits because before I did, I would really struggle to pay them on time.

Filling forms, applying for things etc. For example, I would have been entitled to a free laptop and other aids at university, but never managed to apply. I'm dyslexic and have specific sequencing difficulties - but I can literally write and fill in forms. I would have really benefitted from the laptop etc, I was struggling for money t the time.

Cancelling direct debits, returning things to get refunds etc. I am hopeless at this, and money management in general.

Sending things in the post. I really struggle to get started on this whole task, which feels like it has many stages.

It's not that I'm lazy or don't care. These tasks typically hang over me as a huge source of guilt. I also don't necessarily lack the intellectual ability - I have quite a senior job and a high IQ despite being dyslexic.

These problems have caused me huge problems in my life and lost me hundreds of pounds, too. Again, it's not that I'm rich!

Why am I like this and what on earth could be behind it?

For context my dad was similar - very good job and a bright man but always in debt as he struggled to deal with bills, always went overdue on parking tickets etc.

There's so much more life admin than there used to be.

People stayed with the same energy supplier forever.
Didn't have a mobile phone or internet. Insurance just renewed itself without an eye watering rise.
Dr's appointment was just one phone call and twenty seconds to book.
Travel agents booked your holiday for you. Airline check in was just at the desk.
Supermarkets didn't have clubcard/nectar prices.
No bloody school dojo points systems!

...and most of the above is done by women in many UK households. And most of those women have full time jobs. who then come home and clean, cook and parent.

Even the 60s housewives were living off amphetamines and nervous breakdowns...I don't know how we're pulling it off!

@NoLidlNoJoke

Just a word of warning: our GP surgery is no longer doing shared care agreements with private psychiatrists for adult ADHD. What this means in practice is that you won't get meds on the NHS. You might be able to pay privately. The NHS/surgeries are prioritising children with ADHD over adults.

ImI’m like this, only worse. Very late diagnosed ADHD. If that’s you, too, then all the common sense tips on here will help a bit, but not as much as for neurotypical people. I don’t use medication for ADHD

This is very true. No one is "organised" without having some kind of system in place, which may be a diary, piles of papers, reminders on the phone, yellow post in notes, filofax, white/chalk board, or whatever. People have to work out for themselves what works for them. But no one who is organised doesn't have a system of some kind. I think the people who have problems with organisation havn't discovered what system works for them.

I don't either. My mother worked as a GP receptionist for a while. 1970-72. She told me 20 years later about the mothers on happy pills and having secret abortions. These were SAHM in the main.

We just can't catch a break to this day

Before even opening this thread I knew loads of people would jump to diagnosing you with something.
Life admin is boring as fuck. Which is why most people don’t like to/want to do it. Doesn’t mean you need a diagnosis

Very true!

Refer yourself if possible to OT. It may be linked to many conditions that they can help you with.

At the end of the day if it bothers you , you would make more effort.

^

Comments like this get shot down. Solutions get shot down.

Which explains why you're in the situation you're in.

Are some point you have to be accountable. Own your actions.

That's what everyone else does!

Thanks stranger on the internet for keeping me accountable by telling me to do things I already want to do but can't.

It is quite clear to see the difference in the comments between people with experience and those without.

If the solution was making a list then this would have been resolved by the million attempts I have made at having planners, on my fridge, in books, in my phone, colour coded systems, labelled systems, actual Gantt charts for basic tasks, endless hassle from friends and family who need me to do these things etc.

I already know I'm neurodivergent as I had an ed psych assessment for dyslexia at 21. I was diagnosed with what they called a highly complex mix of learning difficulties which include specific sequencing difficulties. They told me I have 136 IQ and yet I scored extremely low on sequencing tasks. I am definitely neurodivergent, it's not an excuse, the only question is about whether this was more than the dyslexia and sequencing difficulties. Based on experience and advice of people on this thread, I think ADHD sounds likely. Especially because there is such a huge disconnect between how well I perform some tasks and how poorly I manage others.

Anyway, your comment was pointless and ablist.

I struggle with life admin too. Someone else does it for me, as I would just drown in debt etc otherwise.
There is a thing I read about called the "ADHD Tax".. which is all the things that cost you money that should not have... because ADHD stopped you addressing them. I think there is a PP here who said about returning clothing that doesn't fit. I can't do that. I end up keeping it, and it festers in a pile somewhere forever more. I can't sell it, as too much effort... even bagging it up for a charity shop is too much. What if they ask about Gift Aid? (I don't work, so I assume it would not apply). So my house is full of shite.
I have been paying full council tax for years despite being on UC, because I can't do the forms to apply for support.
I have been fined for not declaring vehicles as SORN (it is literally ticking one box). I have a non-runner car rotting on my drive that I have no idea what to do with.
Whenever I have attempted study, I only get passes as I hand everything in late.

However, some people (and on this thread), think it is something that you can just overcome with lists, planners, apps etc. I have tried so many... fuck all works. But it is so hard to explain why it is difficult.

I am not diagnosed with ADHD, but everything points towards it. And there is that executive dysfunction that is preventing me asking about an assessment and doing all the forms etc.

I found Smart But Scattered Guide to Success for Adults really helpful. I have inattentive ADHD.

But what if you struggle with books?

Not true in the case of ADHD - in fact my ADHD makes me do some of these boring tasks at times to proactively avoid bigger important tasks such as coursework for a qualification thats due the next day 🤦‍♀️ if you had it you'd realise how hard it is, the struggle is so real.

Sorry to hear you also have similar struggles. I currently also have about 3 bin bags of items to donate in my house waiting for me to figure out how and when to take them to the food bank. AA and Red driving schools also have hundreds of my money each as I haven't managed to switch instructors... Twice!

There's also the emotional tax with this stuff, so much music lost, photos lost, written work lost, documents from broken or lost phones and computers etc... ugh

I think it's the getting started that's the problem.

If you had someone to do it with would that help? So your partner, a friend etc, sister, brother? Arrange to have a 'bills/ admin' get together and work through the bills together. Once a month or more frequently?

So, I've got the water to pay , have you? etc. It might remind you of things you might otherwise have forgotten and give you a positive experience of a social time instead of a boring nightmare.

Yes!
When I had to do my UC forms, my house was sparkling.

My partner sounds like you and I find that he does make things difficult for himself, he will put small things on a to do list which quite frankly would be quicker to do rather than to put on a list. If he needs petrol he says. I'll get it before work tomorrow rather than when he is already out in the car. I do everthing that can impact upon me and leave him to his bits.

I had to clear out the spare room because son came home bringing visitors. Husband took bags of clothes etc to a charity for me. The stuff for the tip he put in my car boot.

Three weeks later it's still in the boot. Im having to put all my shopping on the back seats 🙈

Audio books!

Have you done any research on dyslexia? It affects not just reading & writing struggles, but other executive function skills.

@justasking111 I see your 3 weeks and raise you 6 months!

OP just wanted to say that I could've written your opening post, everything you wrote rang true for me.

I did some back when I was diagnosed but that was quite a while ago now. I'll do some more reading. It might be that the ADHD test will say it's not ADHD and it's just the other things. But seems worth exploring.

Yes this sounds like me. I find it hard to divert from certain kinds of tasks so I feel I must maintain focus and then think about the next task after. So in your example, I might feel I am focused and need to complete the journey as planned then think through the separate petrol-getting process at a later time. If I had to vary what I was doing in the moment it would probably feel like my brain would freeze. Hard to explain, never tried to explain it before!