To ask why I struggle with 'life admin'?

[NoLidlNoJoke]

Just wondering if anyone is like me and any idea why??

I have always really struggled with certain kinds of tasks.

For example, paying bills. I have these all as direct debits because before I did, I would really struggle to pay them on time.

Filling forms, applying for things etc. For example, I would have been entitled to a free laptop and other aids at university, but never managed to apply. I'm dyslexic and have specific sequencing difficulties - but I can literally write and fill in forms. I would have really benefitted from the laptop etc, I was struggling for money t the time.

Cancelling direct debits, returning things to get refunds etc. I am hopeless at this, and money management in general.

Sending things in the post. I really struggle to get started on this whole task, which feels like it has many stages.

It's not that I'm lazy or don't care. These tasks typically hang over me as a huge source of guilt. I also don't necessarily lack the intellectual ability - I have quite a senior job and a high IQ despite being dyslexic.

These problems have caused me huge problems in my life and lost me hundreds of pounds, too. Again, it's not that I'm rich!

Why am I like this and what on earth could be behind it?

For context my dad was similar - very good job and a bright man but always in debt as he struggled to deal with bills, always went overdue on parking tickets etc.

I just took the executive dysfunction test on ADDitude and scored 49 (Out of 64)

I have ADHD and also struggle with tasks like this. If they don't provide a rush of dopamine for us then we procrastinate and get overwhelmed. It's not simply ennui or laziness, tasks like these can seem nigh on impossible at times.

About 50% of people with ADHD also have a learning disorder so given that you are dyslexic, it may be worth exploring further if you think you display other features of ADHD.

At the end of the day if it bothers you , you would make more effort.

The impetus for me was losing 3 purses in the space of a year . That was the kick up the arse I needed. This was on top of multiple times of locking myself out throughout teen years, and almost failing exams due to lack of organisation.

This is ableist.

Well the op days she has a senior job. Such jobs tend to involve organisational skills.

I've been reading the ADDitude website and I think PPs are probably right and I would be surprised if I don't have inattentive ADHD. It very much sounds like me! I have also been previously diagnosed with OCD but didn't think it was quite right.

I'm ignoring PPS telling me to try/make an effort as that's not the issue. I'm almost 40, this is lifelong and I wouldn't be posting here if it was simply an issue of not caring or not trying.

Plenty of people with ADHD or ASD which has led to them having difficulties with Executive Function, still manage to hold down professional jobs.

It just makes it a hell of a lot harder than it is for NT people.

I think this is part of it. I think I put a huge portion of my energy into the sequencing and organisational aspects of my job, which to many would be the simplest parts of the job, as I need to do them to facilitate the parts of my job which use my actual skills. I find it absolutely exhausting and find it confusing that I seem to be so good at some things, but absolutely awful at some basic life stuff.

I ignore all post and emails untill Friday then I sit at my desk, bin at hand and go through it. Junk mail, insurance, car, etc for both of us, credit card. I keep a physical weekly diary and write everything in that I keep next to my sofa. I pay bills, write up the diary with reminders for dogs, dentist, hair appointments, etc look at the forthcoming week every Sunday evening. That way I don't miss anything.

I'll file when the out tray looks a bit full.

It's working for me because I'm such a procrastinator. Weirdly at work I always was so organised.

That's a load of BS.

It's clear you don't know people with ADHD.

Heard of hyperfocusing?

There are doctors, professors, TV broadcasters, chefs, engineers, builders, plasterers and people in any career area you can think of that have ADHD.

That's me. I have ADHD. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't and thinks you just need to make a list.

I will add my usual recommendation: 'The Smart But Scattered Guide to Success' - a really useful tool to assess which executive skills you are lacking and very explicit, practical ways to improve them.

But this is just what an ‘organised person’ does. Lists, diary, notes, reminders. Nobody just does it all effortlessly.

My husband is similar to me, unfortunately I'm the admin one... Although maybe he should be!

He is similar to me if not worse about tidying etc. Our whole life seems to be struggling to keep the home tidy

Has your husband been assessed to see if he's ND as well? It's actually not that rare to find two ND people in a relationship.

BTW my DP lives by his phone. He sets alarms for everything and puts things in his calendar. Though to be fair I put more things in his calendar and also send him WhatsApp messages. The only issues are if he loses his phone AND puts it on silent, then we can't ring it....

The problem is the OP can't do it and neither can her husband.

ND people who have NT partner or family support can manage because the NT people do most of the diary reminders for them.

When both people in a couple have the same executive function issues then things don't get sorted out. My DP was brought up in a household like that.

This could be me - I don't have dyslexia but it's like a total block on any kind of admin, bill paying, credit card sorting etc. It's not because it's boring, I really don't know why I do it. I let it back up and it hangs over me. I've got outstanding expenses I need to log with work - only fifty pounds but it's been months. I don't understand why I don't just do it

But I'm not organised at all. Which is why I do all this. Husband can't understand why I don't use my phone to set reminders. Because it's white noise in one ear and out the other. Whereas a weekly diary I can pickup if I suddenly panic about something.

I think it was a good step to look up ADDitude. I have ADHD and your struggles sound exactly like mine. Regardless it is executive dysfunction which requires a different kind of thinking and organisation.

Hi OP, I've recently seen the mental health person at my GP as I went down an inattentive adhd rabbit hole - like you I didn't realise there was such a thing, always assumed I was NT but just shit/lazy at basic life stuff. Everything has got FAR more overwhelming since having a toddler and I'm struggling to cope (also early/mid 40s so hormonal situation probably doesn't help).

I also have a reasonably senior role which requires a lot of organisation and legal deadlines which I receive great performance management reports on. I still do struggle with procrastination at wor and I'm saved by my ability to hyperfocus and churn out the work when up against a deadline and logically bring all the necessary pieces together to solve a puzzle when up against a deadline. However, I feel like work- and the daily routine with a toddler- uses up all my organisation and focus units and I don't have anything left for life admin or organising myself to do something for me! I'm drained by the executive function required just to get through a day.

Anyway, the result of the mental health consult is that they're referring me for a specialist diagnosis - not sure when/if it will happen as I'm undecided on paying for it privately. So always worth looking into?

How come you know about inattentive ADHD if you haven't thought about ADHD before? You obviously think you have ADHD!

OP you have described me! It’s horrible being like this, isn’t it. I’m going to rtft now to get tips

You have described me OP l I actually feel sick even looking at emails,booking online and I actually have always struggled with handwriting! Now at my ripe old age of 60 I recognise adhd and dyspraxia.
Have one child who is ASD that was only recognised 3years ago .

I am just like this.

I have never ever claimed expenses from work - I should get hundreds over the course of a year, but I’ve never seen a penny. It’s been years - I’d feel too awkward now admitting I am not even registered on the system and don’t know how to do it.

I buy birthday and Christmas cards weeks in advance, write them, put a stamp on, but can’t manage the walk to the post box until after the date has passed.

I’ve given up using the library, I can never return the books. Even though I walk past the library all the time.

If I’m on my own, I don’t cook anything, and sometimes even don’t bother to eat, though I can manage to cook for the Dc fine.

It’s not that I forget (well, not always, some things I do forget and remember in a panic later) - I don’t need a list. I don’t need a reminder (and I wouldn’t look at a list anyway). I know what I need to do - it hangs over me, I think about it constantly, and feel terrible that I haven’t done it. I just can’t seem to get started. I can procrastinate for England.

Once I do get started, I am usually completely absorbed. But if I stop for a break, that’s it. I can’t get started all over again.

If it’s something I have to do, I can do it, but if I view it as remotely optional, because it only affects me, I just don’t do it.

I am exactly the same as you at home. At work (I'm a nurse), I'm the complete opposite, as long as it's about other people, the care of my patients etc.

What do I make of that?