To ask why I struggle with 'life admin'?

[NoLidlNoJoke]

Just wondering if anyone is like me and any idea why??

I have always really struggled with certain kinds of tasks.

For example, paying bills. I have these all as direct debits because before I did, I would really struggle to pay them on time.

Filling forms, applying for things etc. For example, I would have been entitled to a free laptop and other aids at university, but never managed to apply. I'm dyslexic and have specific sequencing difficulties - but I can literally write and fill in forms. I would have really benefitted from the laptop etc, I was struggling for money t the time.

Cancelling direct debits, returning things to get refunds etc. I am hopeless at this, and money management in general.

Sending things in the post. I really struggle to get started on this whole task, which feels like it has many stages.

It's not that I'm lazy or don't care. These tasks typically hang over me as a huge source of guilt. I also don't necessarily lack the intellectual ability - I have quite a senior job and a high IQ despite being dyslexic.

These problems have caused me huge problems in my life and lost me hundreds of pounds, too. Again, it's not that I'm rich!

Why am I like this and what on earth could be behind it?

For context my dad was similar - very good job and a bright man but always in debt as he struggled to deal with bills, always went overdue on parking tickets etc.

Is sequencing- like priortising this stuff a dyslexic thing?

I'm adhd and rubbish at tidying up coz it's so boring. I quite like doing forms etc though

I've heard of it because it's something I've seen mentioned here on Mumsnet, but I didn't know much about it and assumed it was something other than what it is.

Yes I would say you are neurodiverse. The dyslexia is a clue too. Ignore the people saying to 'just do it'.

I don't know if it's actually part of dyslexia or something that goes with it for me, my educational psychologist report said dyslexia comorbid with specific sequencing difficulties.

I agree with this. These tasks are irksome and many of us procrastinate them until we absolutely have to deal with them.

As far as I know I don’t have adhd (but do have BPD) and I hate the thoughts of posting a letter or making returns. You know the way people order clothes and they’re like I ordered 5 dresses say for a wedding but I’m only keeping one. It blows my mind that they’ll willingly go and return the other four. I hate doing anything that’s not online

Someone upthread mentioned needing a dopamine hit, so I wonder whether when the tasks are for others, you get that hit? The reward of knowing you’ve done a good deed, a good job etc?

This thread has been really helpful! I've just got the audiobook Dirty Laundry about ADHD and going to look up how to get assessed for ADHD. I feel pretty silly that I didn't look into this more previously, I think it just occurred to me that this seems like something more than just sequencing difficulties.

Thanks I appreciate everyone posting. I also struggle with claiming work expenses (I've paid for so many sandwiches out of pocket!), and sending birthday and Christmas presents and cards which are things I really care about doing a lot.

Just sounds like ADHD, which I also have. Interesting the comments on lists etc, if your brain works in that way a list appears like a roadmap to get the overall task done. If you have ADHD the list is basically 10 barriers to eventually completing the task, each one a battle for which the reward is another battle.

The problem is any task that doesn't have a hard deadline very possibly won't get done, and any task that does won't get done until procrastination is replaced with the increasing urgency eventually causing action.

I don't live in the UK and getting residency for my family was the biggest achievement of my life- endless forms, process, checks, appointments for a year and a half. I've done well in my career but I do also always feel like I'm winging everything.

I can relate to this too. I work in a job which I feel has social purpose and really struggled with work until I did.

Way back years ago I had a co-worker who had this problem. We had several discussions about it. And finally one of our co-workers spoke up and said do you really think these tasks are beneath you? That you are better than everyone else and you shouldn't have to do these things?

No 😆

I really applaud you for sorting out residency. This sounds like exactly the kind of thing I would find nearly impossible.

I genuinely think that if I had a million pound inheritance waiting for me or something like that, I would struggle to do something like probate. Same with buying a house, getting a car and insurance etc.

I am nt and very organised and I hate doing the tasks you’re talking about. It takes an hour to file expenses/ fill out an online travel form etc etc etc and it is frustrating, time consuming and boring. They have to be done but by god do they make it painful and unrewarding. If you aren’t a generally organised person or are nd I imagine it’s pure torture to even contemplate getting started. As these activities often save us money/ cost someone else money I can only assume they are as hard as they are on purpose to put people off doing them.

The only advice I have is to put some time aside every week/ month and tackle it a bit at a time knowing that no one likes it and no one finds it easy and you are not alone 😁

I understand you. One of the things I struggle with is filling in my expenses forms. Last year it took me four months to claim the £2,000 I was owed. It was a ten minute job, but I couldn’t get round to it and it hung over me like a black cloud.

Ditto. I've opened my expenses claim a few times in the last month but not quite got round to submitting them. Think it's $900 at the moment.

I don't even open bills.
DH sorts them.
I'm 48 and it's been that way for 25 years.
I just can't be dealing with them.
I guess if I was on my own I's just sort them.
I do sort loads of other stuff!

Agreed it's boring as fuck!
I don't out the rubbish out either 😆

It is like a dark cloud hanging over you.

I had to do my landlord licence was notified three months ago. Was warned I would be fined if it wasn't completed by x date. Friday morning I finally sat down to start and visitors turned up. I was in a panic then wanting them to go. Two hours later sat down with a sandwich and a large glass of wine. It was all legal stuff so not the easiest read. Three hours later it was done. I logged off forgetting to pay.

Opened my E mail at one am to more threats of fines. Logged in instantly and paid, knowing if I didn't I'd dither.

Two days another nasty email, my driving license number was incorrect. WTF it was fine six years ago. Logged in again, one letter too many which they'd missed last time.

I tell ya it's taken years off my life, the stress. Which I'd have avoided if I'd done it three months ago.

It's so boring. No sense of acheivement. Just a drain on your account. I pay bills within the week of receiving them. I sleep better that way. I also write a big red PAID Andy's date across them. That brings me pleasure

You’ve misunderstood my post. What I mean is that there is a misconception that ‘organised people’ somehow can just do it. That they are magically ‘organised’. They use tools to help them be organised. Whether that is reminders or diaries. People who appear organised have found something that works for them. If you use a diary to organise yourself - you are, by definition, an organised person. Even if you don’t think you are.

Op I am literally considering donating almost all my clothes and Knick knacks to charity or even the bin as I'm drowning in stuff that needs organizing

I've done this a few times, as a teen and as an adult. I also for a long time only wore black clothes, shoes and the same brand of black socks - to try and make getting dressed and having matching socks easier! Still struggled to keep on top of things, though but the reduced volume of items did help as my mind gets easily overwhelmed by lots of visual stimulus.

Thanks everyone for your input. I've now contacted an ADHD assessment service. Hope the process doesn't involve too many forms... 😑

Jokes aside, if it turns out this is ADHD and I get medication, this could be so helpful. Thank you!