To ask why I struggle with 'life admin'?

[NoLidlNoJoke]

Just wondering if anyone is like me and any idea why??

I have always really struggled with certain kinds of tasks.

For example, paying bills. I have these all as direct debits because before I did, I would really struggle to pay them on time.

Filling forms, applying for things etc. For example, I would have been entitled to a free laptop and other aids at university, but never managed to apply. I'm dyslexic and have specific sequencing difficulties - but I can literally write and fill in forms. I would have really benefitted from the laptop etc, I was struggling for money t the time.

Cancelling direct debits, returning things to get refunds etc. I am hopeless at this, and money management in general.

Sending things in the post. I really struggle to get started on this whole task, which feels like it has many stages.

It's not that I'm lazy or don't care. These tasks typically hang over me as a huge source of guilt. I also don't necessarily lack the intellectual ability - I have quite a senior job and a high IQ despite being dyslexic.

These problems have caused me huge problems in my life and lost me hundreds of pounds, too. Again, it's not that I'm rich!

Why am I like this and what on earth could be behind it?

For context my dad was similar - very good job and a bright man but always in debt as he struggled to deal with bills, always went overdue on parking tickets etc.

Yeah this would potentially help. I have thought that maybe it would help if someone was there with me while I do certain kinds of tasks, sort of for moral support? In the same way I find it easier to cook when I have an audiobook occupying a certain part of my brain.

It doesn't work that way in my open plan office though unfortunately. I pretty much do all of my work at home and go to work on some days to show my face essentially - as I genuinely can't focus in that environment. It's like my brain is a clock that's stuck and just ticking the same second over and over.

Two things that have stopped me exploring this are shame/guilt that I should be able to do these things (and that they have their own stuff they are already doing) and also the fact I'm so woefully bad at maintaining an in-person social life it would feel odd to reach out to friends for this purpose when I feel I should have e.g. at least seen them for dinner in the past year or something 😕

Look up 'body doubling'. It really is a thing.

There is a lot to this. When I was a young adult there was no choice of energy suppliers, no internet or mobile phone, if you wanted to book something you called a real person who did the legwork for you, there were no endless online subscriptions to keep track of. You went to physical shops.

It is just a personality thing. Just hire someone to do it - there are loads of part time secretary type people who will do it for you and it will save you loads of hassle and worry. I am the complete opposite - every thing like this is done almost instantly and that is not because I am brilliant - just that my brain works in that kind of organised way (I even had a paper card for every one of my books as a teenager with an individual number also written on the book. My admin is done almost as soon as it arrives so the pile is always just about zero.

also I am a lot better with paper so the fact everything is online makes it harder for me to manage things

this thread is so interesting. I used to be super organised in all areas of my life. Now my life is a trail of late bills and fines and procrastination. But at work I am fine and work very well in a senior position. That said the bulk of my job is reacting to demands on a tight deadline. I really struggle when I have to be proactive in my own life admin. It is like I know what needs to be done but can’t think straight or work out the steps needed.
it has got so bad that I have stopped organising social events or anything non essential.
can adhd come on later in life? I had put my struggles down to menopause, lockdown, bereavement etc. but honestly it seems more fundamental than that.
and like a pp I now happily spend time doing housework to avoid having to tackle admin.

Yes mine got 1000000 times worse after I had children. There's so much to manage its really brought out my issues. Then when I thought back over my life I realised it was always there but not so overwhelming. Also I'm the same at work - high performing and really 'on it'

Really relate to this thread.
How would getting tested help?
Could it just be stress? Or the stupidity fast pace of modern life?

I relate to this do much. If I could afford it I'd get an assessment...

Life has so many tedious stuff thrown in. I do paperwork because I have to then treat myself to some music to dance around to or time on the trampoline. You need the balance of getting a reward.
You can also tackle stuff with a timer. 20 minutes. Then put it down.
I give myself a gold star for doing that.
Self employed so paperwork has to be done. Good luck with it

My struggles have come later in life
Its almost like my brain has struggled on for so long and now just does not want to function.

Both my DC have been diagnosed with ADHD and dyspraxia and anxiety so I am overwhelmed with things for them. Both appointments, emotional support and executive function support.

I'm exhausted and just can't function as well as I used to.

I also struggle. I need help with stuff like this. The irony is, I'd be awarded PIP for to my support needs, but I need the help to apply for it. Chicken and egg situation so I carry on struggling.

On body doubling - I didn’t know about this before this thread but I was struggling to pack for holiday and in the end asked DD to just be there while I did it. It helped but unsure why. It felt like some kind of moral support anchor. However as a lone parent getting body doubles will be tricky. It is a big ask I think.

The reason I think getting tested could help me is that if I do have it I could be medicated.

I've tried so so many strategies for this stuff and usually found they lead to burnout more than they actually help, so if there is medication which could help that would be amazing!

Having children has definitely made this worse for me. Or at least, made the issue more visible to me.

The problem with diagnoses are that you still don't have the answers, and the symptoms are still there.
I'm Au and your OP could be me. I once couldn't make myself drop off my housing benefit form, and I had to pay a fortune in back rent. I lived across the road from the council office.
Two of my DC are AuDHD & one is dyslexic. My dyslexic DC struggles the most. With all the executive functions. (And is also the sweetest natured) Lots of symptoms overlap and possibly they would also say that your OP resonates with them.
See 'Made by Dyslexia' on Insta. That will give you lots of insight into your dyslexia, the bad and the good.
You'll have got your good job because of your dyslexic skills I guarantee it.
You just need to find a system that works for you with the bits you struggle with. My top tip is to get all the absolutely awful jobs done first thing, that way they're done and not hanging over you. And the Lists to do app on iPhone has a satisfying click noise when I tick off a task.
And I congratulate myself for doing just one thing on my list, the others are just extra bonuses

Major update!!

I just got diagnosed with ADHD today. Just in time for ADHD awareness month!

It was an intense process but everything makes a lot more sense now.

Thanks to everyone who pointed me in the right direction on this thread, I don't know if I would ever have known why I was struggling so much it it hadn't been for this thread!

Also - they also identified autistic traits and suggested I get assessed for ASD too... Not sure about that yet though

Body doubling came up in another thread about ADHD (I can't find it though).
Someone posted about not having someone to body double with, so another poster recommended an app that pairs up people from all over the globe to do just that... you both do your own thing with the camera on/off. Some people chat, and others work in silence. She said she was doing housework, and was paired with someone in America who was working on a dissertation.
Sadly, I can't remember what it was called, but it sounds amazing and could be a solution for people on their own.

Wow that was so quick!!!
Who did you go with (and how much was it? And what was the assessment like?)

I'm trying to go via right to choose but honestly it is taking me forever to get my gp to actually refer me. I'd so go private if I had funds!

What's your next step? Are you going to try medication?

For me, it's ADHD related. It really pisses me off.

@HungryWombat I went with The Autism Service. It was £1,750. They are assessment only so I'll need to go to GP about requesting medication.

The process was basically -

1.filling in a number of questionnaires and supplying evidence (you need a childhood and adult informant to also complete questionnaires about your symptoms and ideally attend the clinical interview).

1. Having a computerised Qb test

1. A 2 hour long clinical interview. Ideally an informant would attend this with you.

1. A feedback session a couple of weeks after. You then get sent a report a few weeks later.

It was quite an emotional process, especially needing to ask various people who knew me as a child about what they noticed, and trying to find reports or examples from so long ago!

Next step will be to go to the GP and see if I can get some medication, and then try and sort my life out!!!

Wow that was expensive! I was looking at AD360 which is under £1k but yours was particularly speedy. I am going to use them for my child and I think I'm paying £600ish. The process looks to be the same.

As for dr prescribing - I believe a GP won't be able to prescribe so you'll need to go back into the system I'm not sure if you could use right to choose to speed it up or not as otherwise it can be years. I'd be interested tk hear what they say or if you jump some of the queue or not as for myself Im currently wisting for my Dr to send off forms (first contacted my Dr 4months ago...)

I am like this. I find pomodoro technique good for these shit tasks. I totally hear you about the post office.

Hi all, I'm back. Love how optimistic I was earlier in the thread about getting medication for myself. Still have not managed to organise that! I am now diagnosed with ASD as well, though. So that's an update. If only I could manage my ADHD well enough to sort out getting the medication that would help me manage my ADHD. I imagine I'm not the only one to have experienced this specific conundrum.