To think Dh is wrong (racist question)

[Tuddlepops]

We have lots of African families living near us now. It's a recent thing. We get on very well with all we've met. They come from a few different countries.
Today I chatted to another new black neighbour over the back. Never spoken her before. Dh said I wonder which African country she's from. I said London by the sounds of it 🙄🤣 He said no originally. I said ok I'll ask for a rundown of her heritage.

I know he's wrong just want to show him as he's convinced I am and it's not an unusual thing to ask. He's otherwise intelligent. What happens to people to make them not think about the obvious?

This was my first thought and what I just posted! Why would you go to a public forum to ask for opinions on whether your husband is a racist or not - mental 😂

This post reads to me as a fine example of virtual signalling

I'm really amazed. I'm beginning to wish I hadn't started this thread.

At least some can see it.

The prejudice is assuming the person isn't from here because they're not white.

It's also **ing rude and none of your business. A stranger does not owe you their family heritage because you're curious.

Hmm my friend was regularly asked when she was " from" by new friends and neighbours. She's white so I think must've been due to her accent. ( She's Belgian btw). And I've heard it asked of Aussies plenty too

OH is British and brown, gets asked regularly about her origins. There's a difference between someone being interested in your background and someone not accepting London as an answer. Your DH question is the second one, also an amazingly pointless expression of it.

I'm an immigrant, sometimes I tell people I'm from London cos it's a shorter conversation. No one ever questions it, and I'm actively lying.

@Tuddlepops If you genuinely believe your husband is a racist then you should leave him.

Look. It’s really simple.

Asking someone new where they are from - fine.
Asking them more about their home town/country - fine.
Asking someone with brown skin where they are from just because they have brown skin and you are assuming a particular background and you wouldn’t ask a white skinned person - not fine.
Assuming someone of colour is not British - not ok
Demanding further information from someone on where they are from because they have brown skin or a certain texture of hair, or any other visible difference - definitely not ok.

I keep thinking when my black friend gets asked ‘no, but where are you from originally?’ She should say ‘Sweden’ and see what happens.

Stop being so obtuse.

You of course get asked where you’re from because as you’ve said you live 200 miles from where you’re from and have a completely different accent to those around you.

Do you go around asking your neighbours where they’re from even though you can hear by their strong regional accent that they’re obviously from that area?

It's not racist, it's because unless people catch an accent, which they might not, there is nothing that indicates you might not be local.

It's a matter of probabilities.

To give an extreme example: In the village my house is in, I know 100% if there is someone non-white, they are not local. I'm not local either, but it would be difficult to tell unless you talked to me a while, although everyone in the village knows I am not local. They used to ask me about this, but these days they all know where I am from, even if they have not met me before.

In the town my work is in, 10 years ago if I saw a black person, they would (almost) certainly be local. Now, that's much less the case, there is a substantial newly arrived African population, but easily distinguishable from the local population.

Noticing patterns is not racist and it's quite dangerous to imply it is, because it leads to people trying to pretend things they know are untrue.

They might not share heritage, but they could just be interested in anothers heritage and want to know more about them. They are on a date after all !!!

Monkeybutt1 · Today 12:15
I don't see what wrong with asking someone's heritage why is that racist?

Do you the white people you meet what their “heritage” is?

Absolutely this.

This has been a bizarre thread. You were thinking of divorcing (or LTB) over your DH who you say 'loves' his black neighbours? And you seem to want to believe he's racist?😭

@abouttogetlynched I can see that and I would agree if it wasn't me who asked. It's just I wouldn't ask anyone in RL and wanted to talk about it. I was so surprised as it's not like him.

But we all live and learn. And to be fair our town had barely anyone black until recently. Still no excuse.

Edited for spelling

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-63810468

I’m white but if Mediterranean and scandi heritage, no one’s asking me where I’m originally from, ever, or my heritage, you know why? Because I’m white! So yes asking someone their background/culture/ethnicity is racist if you’re only doing it to people with different skin. It’s completely different to if you’re having a chat and the information is offered up.

Where the fuck have you read that? Do you mean my jokey reply? Rtft

The OP said they were an African family.

Even though the 60s/70s were seen as much more racist times I had black and Indian friends throughout school and it never occurred to me to ask any of them where they were ‘from’. As far as I could see they were from the same town and neighbourhood as me so the curiosity never even popped into my head. So it seems very strange to me that anyone would ask a black or Indian person, unsolicited, where they are from (as in country of origin) without any degree of organically getting to that subject.

That’s because they have different accents!!

Of course if someone has a different accent you would ask where they’re from.

But if someone has the exact same accent as you and a regional accent to the area you live, then why would you ask what country they’re originally from?

It’s obvious that they are from the same place as you.

I’ve never even thought to ask a Cornish person with a Cornish accent where they’re originally from as I just assume they’ve lived in Cornwall their entire lives.

There was a thread a few weeks ago about a woman whose friends wanted to tell their child that her child was adopted. OP was of the view it was up to their child whether they wanted to tell people whether they were adopted or not.

It was almost 100% agreement that curiosity didn't give you the right to demand or share some else's information.

I can't believe how many people can't see that it's at best rude, and likely making a lazy assumption about where non white people can be from.

Yes, I think this is quite common in certain kinds of interactions, such as in shops, or talking to the city worker who waters the public garden, that kind of thing. You can get to know quite a number of small facts about people like this over time, but somehow names never come up!

Of course with a new neighbour you usually do give a name first!

Fulani could have just said that her parents were from the Carribbean. And that would have been the end of it. Instead she made a mountain out of a mole hill.

They could have shared experience or shared interests 😉