To miss my more youthful vulva

[OptimismvsRealism]

I did not expect this bit of ageing at all (esp as I don't have kids so nothing controversial has ever really happened down there)

But I miss it feeling moister and bouncier and just generally more resilient and upbeat

And I miss not needing to pee every half hour

And then when you do pee it feels like there's more to come

Feel quite bummed out (was going to do a front bum pun but decided too shudder) to contemplate the next four decades with a buzzkill down there

God I didn’t even know what mine looked like before kids. I don’t know if mine is ‘normal’ looking or not or what is even meant by it being ‘fuller’…. 🫣

Listen to Kelly Casperson an American Uro-gynae.. She uses estriol on her face, though suggests that the American preparation is less greasy and the European one might cause spots from the grease.

I feel like there is a continuum on Mumsnet ranging from those who rejoice in their still plumpy vulva and can do the Tour de Mont Blanc on one wee while shooting ping pong balls out of it across the living room of an evening, to those who have the thin blowy flaps, are constantly going to the loo and generally feeling like the whole thing is collapsing, and those who are somewhere in between. There are some very good tips which have been shared here, we will all go through ageing at some point, and I think a big dose of humour really helps with every stage of life. My friend is a nurse and when training remembers helping an elderly gentleman out of the bath, only to realise that his testicles had been left some way behind, so it does come to us all.

I agree, it can be scary to read about what people go through when they are in the depths of menopause and getting older.

I have to say, I have total sympathy for anyone who suffers horrible symptoms of perimenopause, and I think I was totally naive about how it might affect me until I started getting symptoms a few years ago aged 39. The symptoms aren't the worst, but they are slowly impacting my life more (horrible gingivitis, weight gain, brain fog, tinnitus, joint pain, dry eyes, and now a bit more noticeable hot flushes and vaginal pain 😢)... I'm actually pretty envious of lucky people who don't have many symptoms at all. I think it must be so lovely to sail through menopause with few ill effects. The genetic lottery is a hard thing to accept sometimes 😪

Your GP sounds really awful @OptimismvsRealism. I'm almost certain that if men suffered penile discomfort there would be nationwide clinics to nurse them all back to health.

If you can afford it then do please pay privately to attend a woman's health clinic, specifically one that deals with perimenopause.

I think the first priority would be to get your bloods done and have a vaginal swab taken as you may have chronic BV or thrush which could be treated appropriately.

I've been on HRT patches for the last couple of years and while my vag looks normal, about a year ago I developed an itch and it was absolutely horrendous. It used to wake me up at night as that's when it was worst. This was after the Mirena was inserted so it took some time what the cause was.

Needless to say I started Ovestin cream/pessaries and it absolutely helps (when I remember to use it consistently) but the game changer for me has been starting nightly topical testosterone gel. I was a little apprehensive and thought I'd grow a beard and develop a sudden interest in the premier league but it has been a game changer. The itching is gone and I'm back to being the libidinous person I always was sans itchy vagina/vulva. I also usually masturbate daily again (thanks testosterone!) and my vag and sex drive are what they were. Love Honey does a great little mini vibrator that's easy to use (not great battery life though 😆) and daily orgasms have helped my vag feel like it's mine again and not being ravaged by hungry fleas. It's also great for encouraging self lubrication again.

In the nicest possible way, I don't think it's enough to capitulate to a disinterested GP. How dare they! The help is very much out there and you don't have to live in discomfort like this. Please seek help and get your mojo back!

Just read my post and can I just clarify that when I say topical testosterone gel, I mean for external use and not slathered all over one's vulva. Gosh, I don't know what might happen then! You can choose where to put it so a lot of people choose their inner thigh or somewhere like that.

I’m embarrassed to ask this as thought I was pretty clued up but …what is it that happens? I’m older than OP and as far as I can tell in good working order (well my vulva and vagina are there are plenty of scraggy peri menopausal other bits of me!)

She not only accused people whose answers she didn't like of being men, she said they were trolls as well.

Can I ask what has happened to your vulva OP? I'm in my 30s, had kids, and it hasn't changed so far... What's different to when you were younger?

It happens after the menopause. Many women experience dryness and itching and some experience vaginal atrophy whereby the vagina feels like it’s closing up. It doesn’t affect everyone and some women are more bothered about it than others. I was fine until my mid 60s, about a decade after the menopause. As you can see from the thread there’s lots of help available.

It happens before!

Not to anyone I’ve ever met. There’s usually enough oestrogen before the menopause to prevent it. I have to say your aggression on this thread is something else, I’d get a GP appointment if I were you.

It happened to me before, I've only just gone through the menopause bit have suffered from this for years. It used to be linked to my periods before.

Ah ok Ur mad never mind x

Mine went grey. Literally the skin looked half dead. Plus my labia shrunk and my perineum did too.

I was always itching, constantly needed a wee - always had to go behind a tree on walks etc plus up 3 times a night.

Then oestrogen cream... Boom. Pink again. No more weeing all the time after two sips of water. Sleeping through the night. Labia pink and healthy.

This is my experience too.

It’s due to lack of oestrogen so actually it happens whenever oestrogen starts declining, although some women don’t notice it as it may be so gradual. I stopped producing oestrogen completely aged 36 due to autoimmune issues and it was the first thing I noticed.

I agree it is not only after the menopause. I am 48 and perimenopausal, still having periods, and started noticing it about 2 years ago. It was gradual but at some point I noticed more and more. I think it probably ultimately started around 44.

Any hormonal changes can affect parts of your body. Women who are breastfeeding for example. My atrophy was def lack of estrogen because it’s amazing how much the estriol (formerly Ovestin which was a trade name) cream has helped x

For Younger people reading this, I can 100% say none of this has happened to me!!!

Given the practical role of oestrogen in our bodies and the inevitability of oestrogen decline, this seems a bit unlikely tbh.

I can only speak for myself!

Well, you're incredibly fortunate and lucky. Most of us aren't so lucky. Please don't make it sound like it won't happen to anyone else. Younger women who are premenopausal might have the same good fortune, but it would be silly to pretend that they all are going to sail through it too.