Feels like there's way too many Men on MN

[Moonshine5]

I probably am being unreasonable however I'm on here primarily for female perspectives.

Should have been 🙄 not 😆

You say you're a man who 'calls out double standards'? I'm a woman who is irritated by this. Nice to meet you. So, tell me, what does 'calling it out' even mean? Are you one of these men who just plop onto a thread to say 'The DS on here are shocking!!!' Then disappear? Or do you actually stay around and give advice of your own that you believe is unbiased and helpful? Do you have examples?
When you 'call (women) out' do you take the trouble to explain why the DS you percieve are problematic? What harm you believe is being done by a group of women being supportive of each other, perhaps more tolerant or gentle in responses to that woman than you imagine they might be to a man? Have you ever actually reflected on why you have a problem with women supporting each other, and why you believe men are entitled to the exact same support from women, rather than seeking it from other men?

I know this wasn’t to me, but I also say when there’s a clear double standard at play because when it’s a man who’s asked for advice and is struggling, it can be hurtful and even dangerous.

for example, on a recent thread a man posting was clearly upset. He was ripped apart over something women get sympathy for and when he said he was leaving the thread and was suicidal, people accused him of lying and manipulating.

a woman would have had support. A man deserved the same support. If you or any other posters felt you didn’t want to give it, as a bare minimum they should have not made it worse for him.

He was being manipulative. He wasn't looking for support. He was looking for women to grant him permission to leave his pregnant wife with a clean conscience. The depression appeared when it didn't go his way. Women are not obliged to provide emotional support to men.

I didn't see that thread. I was on a thread (early posts, so maybe later the same one?) from a man wanting to leave his family and I offered advice on there, as did multiple other women. The advice came from a different slant than it would if offered to a woman because there are clear patterns of behaviour that differ between the sexes on this issue. Some responses were harsh. Others, including mine I think, were polite and measured, and above all gave the OP what he presumably wanted from posting on MN, rather than asking other men, a female perspective. Men do not always enjoy hearing that, but it is what they come here for.
I noted on that thread other people said 'double standards!' yet failed to offer what they believed to be less biased advice. That is what irritates me the most. Because rather than comment to help the male OP themselves they would rather derail the thread to tell women off. Which makes them just as unhelpful as those they are criticising.

Exactly.
It's never pretended to be a women only site, it's always been clear both men and women are welcome.

You say things like that and wonder why we don't want you around....

I personally don't care whether a poster is male or female, so long as they're respectful and considerate.
One of my friends is a single dad and his children are everything to him, but sometimes he wants/needs advice just like mums do.

Also I'm on here but although I'm a mum, in some people's eyes I'm not because my children passed away.

YANBU. There’s too many inappropriate men. I have no issue with men being on here, reading and posting. Unfortunately, many are not here for genuine conversation. I have a massive issue with men like the one who has been posting on here, being very disingenuous, as if we cannot see his posting history. 🙄

If I was a man, I’d probably want to read here but although it is a site for parents, I wouldn’t wish to intrude upon women’s spaces. Women are so rarely dominant in any spaces and deserve a space where they are the ones being heard. As someone pointed out, men get their views heard all over the place. This is one corner of the internet where women get to be the ones in the majority. If men want to join that, it’s ok but I think a lot of men on here purposefully want to disrupt the status quo.

Sometimes I can be guilty of objecting without offering advice so I take that on board

sometimes though it feels like the good advice is already out there, on multiple threads, just being offered to women and not offered to a man. I hope that pointing that out might mean the person in need of advice finds it, or posts as a woman and gets it.

don’t want to make this a taat though, was offering one example of the issue with double standards. I believed he was vulnerable and it was derided due to his sex though. Which happens.

I wouldn't ever condone deriding someone who mentioned suicide, and I'd be surprised if many posters on here would. But it's the Internet and you do get some people who can be very harsh and unkind regardless of the sex of the OP. You must have seen female posters face similar. The only way to counteract any toxicity of that nature though is to balance it with a another view and different advice. There is absolutely no need to keep repeating 'double standards' at posters like a broken record. It's just a massive distraction from helping the OP. Anyway, I've said my piece and why it irritates me. Thanks for engaging with that at least.

Thank you for clarifying what irritates you and why. It makes sense and I’ll certainly consider more positive advice alongside identifying double standards. I still maintain there is value in that for posters getting harsh advice, making them aware it’s based on their sex, not to let it upset them, and to source supportive advice elsewhere or by posting differently.

Nothing to do with agreeing or disagreeing.
You are completely entitled to do and believe what you want. I stand on what I said.

I had a very distressing experience a few nights ago from posting something completely innocent in the sex board. I received the inevitable PM and I tried to give him as good as he got because I don’t take shit from men, and I reported him from the off. I ended up reporting him five times and he was eventually banned the next day. He sent me five links to an online video call. I was not nice to him at all. I know I could have just blocked him, but he pissed me off.

There’s also a man on the board regularly posting as a woman (I absolutely 100% know this is a man - don’t ask!).

I am quite sure a number of those giving advice around sex are men pretending to be women

@BeachParty "
See, it's thread policing, bigotry lovers that can't bear others having different opinions and shout "man!" at everyone they disagree with I'd have excluded in an ideal world"

Yes, me too. Fortunately, there aren't many posters like that.