Childhoods friend mum never made me tea

[Butterflyandroses]

Hi all, I want your opinion on this, im thinking back to when I was a teen and would go round my friends house, ive not eaten all day apart from breakfast and lunch. Her mum would never offer me dinners and if she would come to mine my dm would always cook her dinner I know its a long time ago now. But I could never do this to my dc friends! Its feels so mean aibu?

Maybe they were too poor to feed extra mouths.

also depends what I’m cooking personally if I have enough in on that exact day to stretch it.

Your being unreasonable to even bother wasting time thinking about this.

How had you not eaten all day if you'd had breakfast and lunch?

Some parents would feed friends some wouldn't. Could be any number of things such as cost or just not wanting to.

Maybe the mum not offering you food was a hint for you to leave? As in run along now butterfly it’s time for our family meal!

Wow, everything that's going on in the world and you're thinking about this? Some people are poor. Some people are nervous about cooking for other people so avoid it. Some people are rude and just can't be bothered.

@OhmygodDont no they were not poor working family beautiful house and garden. I grew up poor my mum didnt have much but still always offered her dinners.

You'd not eaten all day except for breakfast and lunch? This makes no sense. Were you invited for supper or just there at the time?

@Prinnny hmm maybe good point 😂

I think it's appropriate to reciprocate if another mum is feeding your child dinner on a regular basis. But there might be a good reason why she didn't, that as a teen, you were unaware of.
What was she like in other ways? Some people are takers in life and contribute nothing, so if she was like that in

Maybe they didn’t want you round all day then all the time 🤷🏻‍♀️ and it was meant to be a huge hint but not taken.

Though you can live in a nice looking house without having spare money.

This

Clicked post by mistake!

If she was like that in other ways I can see why you'd be remembering her in not a good light

Yes you are. I think if you invite a child round after school, you feed them. But once they are teenagers and making their own social arrangements then parents aren't involved and shouldn't be expected to produce a meal.

You'd not eaten all day apart from breakfast and lunch?
So - you'd eaten normally that day, she simply didn't provide you with your third meal of the day?

It does seem unreasonable yes, but perhaps they couldn't stretch things to another mouth.

Or maybe she didn't want you there, and was hoping you'd go home when hungry. Maybe she was forever telling her child to stop inviting people over. Mean? Yes, but let's not pretend there aren't parents like that.

You ate breakfast. You ate lunch. You weren't starving. You had to go home for dinner.

Is there a reason this is disturbing you so many years later? I find that sometimes when things are not ok in the here and now I can find myself looking back at trivial shit from years back and focusing on that as a distraction.

Edit - cross post with you saying that they didn't have any money troubles. (As far as you know), then probably it was your cue to go home and eat 😁

Why hadn't you eaten all day?

I agree that it was probably a hint for you to go home, though!

Oh come on. Bygones and all that. Fwiw in many European cultures it would be unusual to feed a child houseguest

Why wouldn't you have eaten all day?

Why didnt you go home to eat dinner or your parents wonder where you were.?

I had this situation when i was young and i was left to sit there whilst the family ate dinner.

x

This doesn't mean everyone else is obligated to do it as well. People choose to do what they choose to do, end of. Your mum chose to cook dinners for everyone and the other parent didn't. This doesn't mean one is a saint and the other is a criminal. They are two different people who make decisions independent of one another.
You say you could never do it to your DC's friends. For all you know, the friends may be dreading eating at your house and can't say no. Or their parents may be upset that they came home stuffed and not willing to eat dinner with their own family. You don't know and your mum didn't either.

@IncompleteSenten omg yes your right things are not good right now. Kept going back to a shitty partner and ended things for good last week was a bad relationship.

Maybe they didn't want you there? No obligation to feed other people's children.

She’d had breakfast and lunch so hardly nothing all day !
As others have said it was probably a hint to go home, she could well assume your mum had dinner waiting for you .
I was the fussiest eater ever , i can remember one exasperated mum trying to find something I’d eat telling me I was a funny little girl 🤣
As aside for all parents of fussy eaters, i got over it and eat almost anything now !

@Bellaboo01 we would just be out all day then she would say come back to mine, like she didnt want me to leave. But yes was hungry seeing her eat infant of me was horrible.

You should have gone home for your tea, the mum was clearly trying to tell you to go home your parents should have taught you better.

It wasn't your fault you didn't realise and I don't think you need to think about it anymore.

Could you not just go home and eat?

But yes was hungry seeing her eat infant of me was horrible.

horrible?? 🤣 why didn’t you just go home then, or say no I can’t come round to yours as I need to go home and get dinner.

Her mum was clearly hinting at you to leave, it’s very weird that you didn’t.