Childhoods friend mum never made me tea

[Butterflyandroses]

Hi all, I want your opinion on this, im thinking back to when I was a teen and would go round my friends house, ive not eaten all day apart from breakfast and lunch. Her mum would never offer me dinners and if she would come to mine my dm would always cook her dinner I know its a long time ago now. But I could never do this to my dc friends! Its feels so mean aibu?

I sort of get this OP. I usually took it as my cue to go when it was tea time as a teenager, unless I was asked if I wanted to stay. I was often quite happy to go and say my mum would be needing me back as I hated eating at other people's houses!

However when I was about 13 I used to go to a drama class. My then best friend (she turned out not be a very nice friend but that's another story!) wanted to go too and my mum agreed a lift share with her parents. She would come to house after school and my parents would feed us and then take us to the drama class. Her Dad would collect us and he would always make it clear that he did not like having to drop me home even though it was on their route home. I was never, ever invited to tea at their house even though we fed her every week. And no, they weren't poor. Four daughters privately educated.

In my world this would be pretty odd behaviour. If a friend was there at mealtime they practically got forced to eat. It had changed a bit by the time I brought my DC up in the 90s. I'd do it, but not everyone did. People seem to have changed attitude to this, often seeing it as a 'cheek' to expect to be fed and being quite begrudging. Maybe your friends mum was ahead of her time!

My best friend and I lived in poverty so I was never fed at her house, nor she at mine. Just wasn't a thing.

Actually, I'd never considered it before now. We just lived close enough to go home for tea every evening

We wouldn't have had extra food for friends, it was really rare that you had a friend for dinner, maybe the odd sandwich for lunch or a drink and biscuit but no evening meal.

Maybe they kept slim from running around in the fifteen bedroom house desperately trying to find the dining room .

😂

Kind of crazy that the kid/teen should be able to take subtle hints (why would they understand that?)

But adult cannot simply say 'will you be going home for tea, Ellie?'

Way weirder to then proceed to eat with a kid not having any food.

Also, most people are hungry between lunch and sun set (4-6 hours) so yes, OP was probably very hungry

Same people who serve a bottle of water at a children's party.

I think it was a hint for you to go home. Maybe the mother was quite introverted and found it tiring having other children in her house.

The nicer thing to do would be to have fed you, but yeah - I think she just wanted you to go!

It's easy enough to bulk out a spag bol to feed an extra person but you can't magic up another fillet of salmon or pork chop with 10 minutes notice, so if my daughter brings home unexpected guests, whether they get fed depends on what we're eating that night. If you've been specifically invited over for tea, then the host should obviously feed you, but not if you just turn up.

I had a friend like this. Her family were odd, but it didn't alter our behaviour to her. She'd always be invited/included in meals.

I have fleetingly done so. But I have not dwelled and mused and posted threads on it questioning it like it is some big philosophical puzzle. No. Life is too short.

I can imagine that must have been horrible but, why didnt you just go home and eat your dinner?

x

One of my dc has a friend situation like this. They've been friends since early primary, over a decade, they are far wealthier than us - Dad a barrister, Mum a SAHM despite no younger children, 2 weeks at a luxury rental each summer, go abroad in addition to that each year, newer vehicles, renovations, enough to pay for dc to have Uni fully funded and a 100k downpayment for each dc. I know this as they speak very openly about it. Also brags will never invite another child round for tea as they don't like throwing their money away on other people's children.

Different strokes for different folks.

FWIW her dc has probably eaten at mine at least monthly, more like weekly in the summer, for over a decade. I don't punish the kid for her parents' ways.

You had eaten during the day. You said you had Breakfast and Lunch (this is a normal amount for someone to eat).

Why didnt you go home for dinner but, as a teenager decided to sit there hungry and watch them all eat dinner. I think they may have wanted you to leave whilst they had their dinner?

How often was this?

Are you bored?

Again, it’s just a casual post on a chat forum. You could argue that life is too short for you to comment on said chat forum, especially if you think it’s such a waste of time.

I think she could have at least offered you a sandwich and a drink. However, some people are just not hospitable.

Anyway, it is a long time ago so just put it behind you, it'is not worth thinking about it now.

If OP was ‘very hungry’ she should have gone home to her parents for dinner rather than sit gawping at her friend eating her spag Bol

Ok?. Point still stands.

you're right of course

You said you went around to your friend's house. Did you just arrive with your friend after school or were you invited?

When I was growing up, playdates were not a thing so we often ran in and out of each other's houses. I don't remember any of my friends ever eating with us so I can presume they were never asked and it wouldn't have been polite to feed a child who then wouldn't have eaten their own dinner when they got home.

But in the 80s, kids could either stay for ten minutes or two hours - it wasn't organised and friends always lived nearby and could run home in less than five minutes for their own dinner which would have been cooked and waiting for them.

These days its different. When my kid's have playdates,they tend to be for a few hours and kids are dropped off and picked up. I always have pizza and snacks for them. One of my DC goes to one friend's house and always complains they are never offered food so I try to ensure the playdates are under two hours.

Are you actually wasting time thinking about this 🤣🤣

If I had been playing round a friend’s house because they’d called for me, then my friend might (discreetly or not) ask their mum “can Mackerel stay for tea?”

If the result was “my mum says you can stay for tea”, I would phone my mum and ask permission (sometimes my own tea was already being cooked and I wasn’t allowed).
Often I wasn’t invited to stay - in which case the table being laid and kids sent to wash their hands was the sign to return home.

Sometimes a parent would phone/speak to my mum to invite me round after school. That was completely different to just being called for after school by a friend, and tea always was included.

In our family we only did the second sort of arrangement. I’d have been in trouble if I asked if my friend could stay to tea on the day, and the answer would have been no in any case. They would have just been sent home if they’d tried hanging round while we were eating, I imagine, but I don’t recall that ever happening.

Why in the world are you still giving this headspace?