Childhoods friend mum never made me tea

[Butterflyandroses]

Hi all, I want your opinion on this, im thinking back to when I was a teen and would go round my friends house, ive not eaten all day apart from breakfast and lunch. Her mum would never offer me dinners and if she would come to mine my dm would always cook her dinner I know its a long time ago now. But I could never do this to my dc friends! Its feels so mean aibu?

My mum could barely afford to feed us never mind friends, I do remember wishing they could stay for tea but I never asked.
I got to stay at my friend's for Sunday dinner a few times, I think they knew we struggled, I loved it a 3 course meal which we only ever had at Xmas at ours.

I'm surprised you sat watching your friend eat rather than take the hint and go home for your tea !!!!

Your mam was very hospitable to include your friend in the family meal.But it must be said that this was her choice. The other lady didn't reciprocate.There are many possible reasons. Maybe she felt that children should eat meals only in their own homes and would have preferred it if her child hadn't eaten at yours at all. Perhaps she wasn't confident cooking for people outside her own household .Its possible that the woman was thinking of other things and that it didn't occur to her at all.Try to look back fondly on the meals in your house and hope that your friend remembers them also.

It’s an interesting reflection on boundaries OP.

It seems you were putting friend’s wants above your own needs over and over again.

Perhaps you are questioning why you put up with this and stayed to watch her eat when you could have left, knowing DM would cook for you.

Friend not sharing her birthday cake is more odd IMO.

The mother likely didn’t want there or to encourage you to stay.

Don’t let your values of politeness and generosity compromise your personal boundaries and own wellbeing.

Omg .. your mum was obviously a very kind lady but ….
did you overstay your welcome? I think you may have done!
Were you invited for dinner?
Did you arrange a play date with dinner?
This wasn’t how things were done 15 or 20+ years ago!
maybe they just couldn’t afford to feed another mouth!!
this has to be one of the most batshit posts I’ve ever seen on here!
It was years ago .. seriously OP get over it!!!

This and this and this again!!!!

Surely even at the age you'd know it was time to go home. It's odd were you still looming about when you weren't offered dinner. They should have been more direct and told you to go really but it was a strong hint!

This is great reply. Please take it on board, @Butterflyandroses, and expect more for yourself in future

Your friend's mum was a dickhead, btw, and the birthday cake incident was a HORRID insult! You're right to be offended, right to have dumped your ex, and I'm happy for you that you're noticing these things now.

I grew up in the 70s/80s. You were lucky to get through a friend's front door, let alone being invited in for meals

That’s really mean! Why treat a child like that?!

This is such a mean response! The memory is bothering OP and she is reaching out for support and understanding and you’ve just hammered her for raising it. Zero empathy.

Always fed in my friend’s houses. And vice versa.
Weird that she would eat & you not.
Only one mum wouldn’t serve at the table, and that’s because there was a load of them, so we’d help ourselves.

ive not eaten all day apart from breakfast and lunch

Makes no sense as that’s all you are meant to have . And, you would land yourself at a friends house at dinner time and expect them to feed you? Why? That’s what your own house is for. You were meant to go home before dinner time, that’s obvious, the mum probably thought you odd and had to do something to try and shift you from that pattern.

I think your mothers should have made it clear whether or not you were invited to stay for tea. If the children just casually dropped in, then it is unreasonable to expect to be given a meal. Although my mother sometimes offered beans on toast if it looked like being a longer than expected visit. Really though parents should have offered to drop the children back home if they lived at a distance, or just said ‘ You’d better go now, your mum and dad will be wondering where you are and we need to get our meal. See you another day’.

If this is true she needs a therapist not a forum

Good grief

General rule for me and most friends during my teens was if the host friend had asked in advance if X can come over, they would be fed. If we just decided it amongst ourselves and turned up at someone's house, then they wouldn't be and were meant to go home at tea time.

Could’ve been loads of reasons for that. Did you get a snack or a drink?
When I had my DCs friends round after school we’d establish with the parent if the child was gonna stay for dinner. If not then pick up was at 5pm. Sometimes it was a right pain having a fussy kid round to eat and I preferred an earlier pick up! I’d always offer snacks/water though!

I was the annoying friend hanging around other people's houses too long. Most mums had no problem telling me it was time to go home. There were no subtle hints. The mum would usually say to their kid "Time for your friend to go home now", and that was it

We only ever expected dinner if invited. The norm was for friends to sit in friend's bedroom until time to go home for our dinner.

People plan for meals and there may not be a fourth portion.

Did you ask if you could stay for dinner? Were they expecting you and had time to cater for an extra one? Was there space at the table? Had your DM made dinner for you at home? Your friends DM may have assumed you would eat when you got home and didn't want to interfere with your DMs plans. A random friend just turning up and expecting to eat is not really on.

@Garlicfest thank you for your kind reply, its amazing how only a few read between the lines and just knew something wasn't ok right now. I didnt realise why I'm thinking about this crap, im only reading the positive replies on here and ignoring the keyboard trolls.

This.

If I'd invited a child I d feed them .if they are not invited I'd send them home but wouldn't eat in front of them.

were you invited by the mum?

Then why did you need dinner cooked for you by someone else?

You have clearly stated that - you had - Breakfast, lunch and Dinner.

@Bellaboo01 I dont really know what to say.. I was hungry friend didnt want me to go if I was to say "got to go" she wanted to go out again after dinner so I didnt eat until 7-7.30pm ish if I can remember rightly. My dinner would be dished up on a plate left in microwave for me to warm up. Or if my mum was working my grandmother would have cooked for me. But yes I would have been very hungry as a pp said 4-6 hours later since eating something. Hope that covers your questions and you understand??