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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are people on Mumsnet secretly racist or what?

231 replies

2024wtf · 05/08/2024 23:29

So many posters not being called out. They say blatantly racist things and back it up with "You can't keep shutting us down by calling us racist". It's because you're a racist assh*le.

Comments aren't even being deleted. Last month, you called YOURSELF a Karen you'll have pages and pages of people telling you off.

OP posts:
Brexile · 06/08/2024 08:43

2024wtf · 05/08/2024 23:40

I think I mean secret like they vote Labour are middle-class but closeted racist. Deep down they resent immigrants and agree with the riots but on the outside in real life, they act disapproving of racism. They drop the mask on Mumsnet.

"I voted Remain, but..."

We do call them out, but it's a dispiriting game of whack-a-mole.

Yogayogayoga · 06/08/2024 08:47

There are so so many secret racists in real life. I've had to unfriend 5 different people on Facebook after they posted memes sympathising with the far right protestors. I visit people in their homes as part of my job and after a while they become more comfortable and their true feelings start to come out in little comments. These are not just the low income/intelligence racists seen on the news, these are doctors, Navy Captains, school teachers, etc.

Maddy70 · 06/08/2024 08:47

Yes. Their are a lot also a lot of homophobes and anti trans. Its very distressing

Sometimes i have to step away

Simonjt · 06/08/2024 08:50

Yogayogayoga · 06/08/2024 08:47

There are so so many secret racists in real life. I've had to unfriend 5 different people on Facebook after they posted memes sympathising with the far right protestors. I visit people in their homes as part of my job and after a while they become more comfortable and their true feelings start to come out in little comments. These are not just the low income/intelligence racists seen on the news, these are doctors, Navy Captains, school teachers, etc.

My husband is Jewish, he’s white and blonde, so racists typically don’t pick up on him being any different to them. He has heard some extreme racism because people have felt to safe to air their racism around him, he ironically had a racist verbally abuse and be racist to him at work for being pro-palestine because Jews have a Jew brain and can’t think non-Jew thoughts…

bombastix · 06/08/2024 08:52

Not surprised. I think a lot of people totally underestimate middle class racism.

It manifests in “debate”. And you will never see this if you are not white. That debate is hidden largely in nice lounges, dining rooms, clubs, social events and exclusive places where if your face does not fit you wouldn’t even get in the door, though oddly it started to get more explicit when you had the Conservatives saying things as part of the debate like Braverman. That gave people a lot of implied “cover” imo. That was a mistake.

Whoiam · 06/08/2024 08:53

You can disagree with the riots, yet not agree with mass immigration. Does it make me a racist if I believe that only those escaping war or persecution should be granted asylum? And we an Australian style system on who we are letting in.

LadyGrinningSoul8517 · 06/08/2024 08:54

2024wtf · 05/08/2024 23:29

So many posters not being called out. They say blatantly racist things and back it up with "You can't keep shutting us down by calling us racist". It's because you're a racist assh*le.

Comments aren't even being deleted. Last month, you called YOURSELF a Karen you'll have pages and pages of people telling you off.

Racists and transphobes, lots of them.
Don't bother trying to inform Mumsnet though, you're more likely to have your posts removed for calling it out than anything be done about it.

Goaperipoff · 06/08/2024 08:55

It has shocked me in the last few weeks how much racism exists. I was also shocked during the election at how many voted reform. Lots of awful posts are left to stand here in my experience. Not just re racism, some very ableist posters here, especially when it comes to children. I've reported posts suggesting child abuse could cure ND but the posts have been left to stand.

RedToothBrush · 06/08/2024 08:55

Flibflobflibflob · 06/08/2024 06:58

As an asian person a lot of this is quite personal to me but I try to stay objective about it. I do think some people are racist but I also think at the same time it’s reasonable to have concerns about some things. I actually do believe two tier policing exists, it was really clear when women's rights activists were being targeted by TRA’s (threats, harassment etc) and women were pretty much expected to suck it up because TRA’s were considered to be the “vulnerable” group. So i can well believe that people are treated with kid gloves sometimes. The guys from manchester airport haven’t even been charged yet. There were convoys with Palestinian flags who went through predominantly Jewish areas shouting “fuck the Jews, rape their daughters”, charges were dropped despite it being videoed. Equally a white man slashes a woman who turns down his advances and he gets a suspended sentence.

I pop over to the middle east conflict boards and often see conspiracy theories about Jewish people (zionist is used but you know what some of these people really mean, reasonable criticism of Israel is not what I’m talking about). That makes me feel really sad because it does seem like racism against this group is fine but not anyone else.

I do think there are problems with some communities and we aren’t always very honest about it for fear of stigmatising people. But if we tell the truth and tackle it appropriately then I think we make more progress. people need to be clearly held to account for their actions, clearly theres a breakdown in trust that the establishment is behaving in a way which is objective. I do think we should be able to discuss that rationally.

I am absolutely not justifying the rioting, I think they are scum and are criminals. it’s fucking scary being an ethnic minority right now. I also think that the muslim guys I saw beating a bloke up outside a pub and the people that threatened and chased reporters away are scum. I don’t want any of this at all. I fear there is a culture of impunity around crime full stop. I do think we need to talk about that.

The one sensible post on this thread, that acknowledges it's a deeply complex issue and that the lack of depth to conversation is part of the problem. There are social issues that are made worse by cultural differences. We may not like this or want to acknowledge this but they exist.

Cultural differences can be about race or religion. But they can also be about class. Or the location of the local community you live in and what social change has been in that area and how that has happened.

We should be able to talk about these social change issues and how people struggle with them without racism being shouted because it's important to understand the history and why people feel threatened by it. This unlocks how to stop that fear.

Shouting racism immediately just creates this silencing effect which is amplifying discontent because people feel dismissed. That then creates racism due to resentment.

My point here is there has been a failure to manage social change. The pace of this change has been at different speeds in different areas. And the impact has been different.

And then there's been gentrification and social decay at play - and this is really important to understand as part of all this. The destruction of communities is a huge driver of these issues.

Middle class people have different social structures and expectations. They grow up in a certain area, move away to university and then move where work is. They have an identity that's based around this and is free from location. It's about their job and about their education.

More working class communities are very different. They value staying in one place their whole life, knowing all the neighbours, having their whole family living close by.

What we've seen in the last couple of decades is a rising middle class which has expanded and become much bigger. That's more mobility.

I live in a white affluent area in the North. There's a certain resentment from those who are 'local' and have lived here a very long time. They tend to be more working class and have seen people like them and their families priced out the area by more middle class affluent families. They get frustrated because the area had a community which did lots of local events etc, but people who move into the area don't want to get involved to do the work to maintain these but expect these things to continue magically. They don't want to participate in this community. They want to be separate to it. Equally the incomers can be insufferable snobs who look down their noses at those who have lived here a long time but they seem uneducated or uncouth because they don't holiday in the right place or they don't shop in the right place. We can talk about this community change and tension because it's in an affluent white area.

So what happens to all these from the area, who after several generations (or more in a lot of cases) are forced to move to cheaper less desirable areas? They are more exposed to levels of crime they havent previously experienced and they are now isolated and scattered from family. Remember they value these family and friends ties above mobility and education. (Think about the concept of if you have nothing at least you have your family). They feel like the world is getting worse. These are white British people who have effectively been displaced by other white British people.

And this process is repeating in various forms around the country, with the gap between affluence and poverty growing.

If you live in an area which the main industrial employers were decimated, your community changed in a different way. Anyone who could leave did. Often education was a way out. But training and education hasn't been accessible for many. The decline in apprenticeships and work based tracing and focus shifting to degree level education and entry is notable - jobs that you previously could have worked your way up to are now 'closed' unless you have a degree. The nature of that job hasn't changed, just the means to entry. So people who are educated are then viewed as 'traitors' for abandoning the key values of family and friends or 'the enemy' because they are the gatekeepers preventing opportunities to those from more deprived backgrounds. There's an increasing alienation from this point of view. No one wants to live in that area anymore. So you start to get people moving in who have been pushed out of other areas and perhaps are less desirable. Your crime goes up because of those antisocial problems. If no one cares about the area and there's no money to maintain it, it goes into terminal decline. This has been happening with white communities with white people moving to them.

Those people who moved to the above mentioned nice area are totally unaware of a lot of this. They don't share the same priority of the sense of community and being close to family and the friends you grew up with. Their value is people who have the same educational and career related aspirations and having the same leisure interests.

Now add immigration into the mix. I don't have an issue with immigration, but I can see why it would add to the above tensions. One of the key points being that you see trends of people moving to small areas because they have people from the same background who have moved there and there's a certain sense of safety in numbers. They've managed to build community because of this. Just as people who lived there previously have felt their own community disappear. Because they don't share those family or cultural ties those people feel excluded and alienated by those moving in. And little has been done to recognise or address this. It's easy to see why resentment has built up - resentment which also does exist in white gentrifying areas - it's not just about race. The differences might be amplified and more stark though due to language, existing relationships, and religion.

Middle classes who put values of education etc before local community don't understand why this is as important as it is to others.

We see this same divide internationally in voting patterns. It doesn't matter whether we are talking about another European country or America. The same thing is happening. There's a split between these fixed and unfixed demographics. And little work being done to help each understand each other. The mobile class is the affluent one who makes the decisions. The one that's fixed feels a loss of sense of power and a degradation to their community which is being accompanied by a degradation economically and socially. The mobile class is very often detached from this.

I understand why racial tensions and immigration therefore has been blamed and the far right has been able to exploit this. Because there's are elements to migration patterns that people recognise. But actually it's more about social and economic changes being poorly managed and hidden from decision makers who are detached from the levels of crime and poverty that has emerged. And it's easy for this areas to be written off as uneducated or uncouth because of these lack of shared values and understanding.

Racial tension is the result of decades of social neglect for certain areas and a dismissal of the effects of gentrifying areas. Middle classes are happy because they've got the nice houses and the good schools. Immigrants tend to be the ones either with an education before they came (and thus more middle class) or a skill (remember the decline of apprenticeships) or money (the means by which to move at all). Their mobility means they have more shared values with middle classes. And it's harder for them to be accepted by those in communities who value these fixed values of family and friends you grew up with because they are 'outsiders' (and would be treated like this even if they were white).

I think race and religion is an amplifier. It is worse because of them. And this goes in both directions. But it's not the underlying tension. That's along class and economic lines. Which is why we are seeing similar patterns despite different ethnic migration patterns.

I notice that different social classes increasingly seem to speak almost entirely different languages even in English because of these different values systems. And this is getting worse. And we aren't recognising this.

You fix racial tensions by understanding wider social and economic tensions and these differences in value systems and you make sure that people feel their values are understood as important. Stuff like helping people stay in their geographic location despite economic changes is important to a huge number of people. Because it's not about how convenient it is to work and house prices - it's about maintaining that day to day contact with your neighbour or relative. If that's your priority in life and the only thing that matters - not your career or lifestyle that's your whole world. Others who move willingly make a choice to improve their lives, we are talking about the reverse - people forced to move to the detriment of their lives.

Personally I think a lot more could have been done for housing schemes for locals but instead it was about developers making the biggest profits possible. And this has had massive social implications. We usually hear 'taking all the council houses' argument but actually I think it's about these movements internally in the private sector just as much as people migrating from outside.

I've lived on a 'mixed' estate before and actually I think there's a lot to be said for social housing being integrated with private housing for various reasons. There's a huge snobbery about it. And I've heard far too many people say they'd refuse to live there because of it or refuse to live next to a council estate. There's part of your issue right there - deliberate marginalisation of white working class by white middle class.

But it's easier to shout racism at people rather than look at the economic angle to this.

Remember black lives matter was originally a Marxist organisation but as it became mainstream and white allyship emerged it was stripped to purely identity related issues.

Why? And why does it matter? Cos it very very much does.

plhkldsytrd · 06/08/2024 08:56

Secretly? You only need to read the interruptions on black mumsnetter threads to see there is no secrecy in the racist views held by a number on people on here.

LadyGrinningSoul8517 · 06/08/2024 08:57

Goaperipoff · 06/08/2024 08:55

It has shocked me in the last few weeks how much racism exists. I was also shocked during the election at how many voted reform. Lots of awful posts are left to stand here in my experience. Not just re racism, some very ableist posters here, especially when it comes to children. I've reported posts suggesting child abuse could cure ND but the posts have been left to stand.

This too.
Because 'back in their day' autism didn't exist and kids just needed a good clip around the ears.

It's disgusting.

TygerLyon · 06/08/2024 08:58

LizzieSiddal · 06/08/2024 08:40

Only about 5% of uk land has houses in it so we aren’t “full”. What we do have is decades of governments not building the homes, Drs surgeries etc which are needed to support the people. In the last two years the Torys gave a million people visas to legally come into the country yet have built very few houses. It’s criminal! People should be focusing on that, not the 50,000 people who came over in boats.

Which is fine if we have the infrastructure to support it.
We don’t. The NHS is on its knees, you can barely see a GP and waiting times in A&E are dangerously long.
Education is failing thousands of children.
It’s not about physical overcrowding, it’s about there not being the services to safely care and protect the population.

MaltipooMama · 06/08/2024 08:59

Royalshyness · 05/08/2024 23:38

Mumsnet has become a not very nice place compared to the funny, supportive space it was ten years ago when I loved it

yee - racism is here too

I only joined mumsnet when I became pregnant last year, and I wish I had known it 10 years ago when you said it was much better. I regularly see so many spiteful, nasty and unnecessary comments on here from people and it really is such a shame

stuckdownahole · 06/08/2024 09:01

Bubblesandcakes · 06/08/2024 08:24

And how the UK built its wealth on the back of slavery and colonialism. Hello Liverpool, Glasgow, Bristol!

The problem here is:

Colonialism directly benefited the upper classes, the landowners. It directly benefited the middle classes who were involved in trade.

The urban manual workers and the rural agricultural workers saw a more indirect benefit in that the UK became generally richer and their living standards gradually improved over time and generations. But they still were, and still are, in daily contact with people who had more than them. You are trying to tell the descendants of those working class people that they should feel awful for something their own family ancestors didn't initiate, had no control over (most poor people didn't have the vote until 1918) and did not directly benefit from.

You're like the teacher who wants to punish the whole class for misbehaving when actually two-thirds of them weren't causing any trouble.

Temushopper · 06/08/2024 09:01

Bubblesandcakes · 06/08/2024 08:19

Im glad people like you and @Lacdulancelot can recognise your bias. The ones who think racists are just thugs throwing bricks at Asians or people in white sheets burning crosses on black peoples lawns are often racist themselves so they use extreme examples to seperate themselves from the more “unacceptable” racists.

I had an incident outside a local shop recently, I was waiting for the place to open just before 9am. I had a delivery at home due a few minutes later. There was some sort of delay which meant just after 9am it wasn’t open and I was getting anxious and kept looking at my watch. There were a few people waiting near me too.

This woman out of nowhere ordered me to stop looking at my watch because it wouldn’t make the shop open any earlier. I was speechless but thankfully found my words and told her where to go. I really doubt if I was a fellow white Woman she would have dared to speak to me like that. What harm was it causing her if im keeping an eye on my watch? But because my skin wasn’t white and I was wearing a headscarf she thought she could try and order me around. I’m so glad I put her in her place.

When the shop finally opened I was at the front of the queue as I’d been there first, I went to stand at the counter to get served and I was gobsmacked to find this nasty woman who came in behind me went through the back entrance where the staff go - she was actually a staff member there!

now, I’ve heard reports that customer service in that shop is poor but that’s more people complaining about them opening later/closing earlier and long queues. I doubt she picks fights with most customers in my white majority town. There are white people who stand in the queue and complain loudly about how slow staff are and I’ve never seen them challenged.

She has a POC colleague that she made a big deal of saying hi to when she entered, so in her mind she’s probably not racist as she speaks nicely to some POC 🙄

Edited

I think the problem with anecdotes like this is that most white people will have encountered someone being equally rude to them in a queue or while being served in a shop and on the face of it the treatment isn’t connected to the race of either party. Undoubtedly anyone not white will sometimes encounter this because the person that engages with them is just unpleasant to everyone &/or they are just having a shitty day. They will also encounter it sometimes because the person they are speaking to is emboldened to be rude to someone who doesn’t fit it/feel likely to be supported by others like them so will make less effort to be civil. Overall they therefore have to deal with people being unpleasant more frequently and it must be awful always having the awareness it’s partially fuelled by people perceiving you are different and discarding you as unimportant or lesser and then not knowing if it’s just unconscious bias or deliberate targeting.

Most people are rightly disgusted by the behaviour of the rioters. They understandably don’t want to be categorised with them and I really don’t think it’s fair or reasonable to suggest that having an unconscious bias is at all the same thing as marching around stating you want to kick anyone not white and british back several generations out of the country. We all have biases, we all categorise people & we are all sometimes guilty of stereotyping. It’s important we are aware they exist as we can then actively work to overcome them but I’m unconvinced stating we are all racist or categorising an incident like the one you describe as racism is a helpful thing. It tends towards people becoming defensive rather than listening. I’m working on my own biases and I hope helping to limit the degree to which my kids develop them. I’m working on challenging other people’s (particularly older members of the family) and find questioning where the belief comes from/if it has any basis in fact is quite effective in making them think but saying something is racist is just deflected and leads to an entrenchment of the whole “you can’t say anything without offending people” attitude.

midgetastic · 06/08/2024 09:04

There are problems

But it is simplistic and wrong to blame them on illegal immigrants or legal immigrants or on people born here with the wrong skin colour

And it is daft to riot over these things just after a change in government

hairbearbunches · 06/08/2024 09:04

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 06/08/2024 08:05

Posts are not deleted just because people report that they are racist. MN looks at the content and makes a judgement as to whether they are actually racist or not.

So I would respectfully suggest that, just because you may not have seen racism, that doesn't mean that it isn't there.

The whole thread was taken down because ‘it was causing distress in RL’.

I call out racism when I see it. I don’t use it as a weapon when someone has a different opinion to me.

I think inward migration is far too high and we need robust measures to bring the number down. I think all people coming across on boats should have any right to be here revoked. They are law breakers.

a significant minority will be only too happy to call me a racist for those opinions. And so the debate is shut down and we move no further forward in terms of a solution that works and is fair both to those who want to come and those already living here and calling this place home.

Racism now seems to mean whatever it suits some people's agenda to mean.

Apolloneuro · 06/08/2024 09:08

Well I’ve started reporting posts that are nasty full stop. I think a style of posting has become mainstream on here just bullying and sneering and I’ve had enough and think it should be cracked down on.

You know what I mean ‘how do you get through life…’ ‘we don’t live in a war zone’ (to someone worried about going into London) and the ubiquitous 🙄

If this is is representative of how we treat people I’m horrified. I’ll be honest and say I’ve occasionally been a bit like it myself, but have stopped.

Being on here is like being in a car and getting road rage. How many people would say to someone’s face the things they write on here?

Every single bitchy comment I see on here I’m going to report.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 06/08/2024 09:12

Devonbabs · 06/08/2024 07:37

Rather ironically, there are many middle class MN sat in their houses in the leafy Surrey villages, calling out “racist” as a symptom of their white saviour attitude.

Yes. I think a lot of people who shout "racism" on here are white and are well meaning, but they really are not helping anyone especially not BAME people.

CwmYoy · 06/08/2024 09:13

@RedToothBrush

Thank you so much for a well thought through informative post. I have been concerned about the antisemitism on some threads which seems to be left to stand.

As does some Islamaphobic nonsense on other threads.

I wonder if people don't realise how it sounds - or perhaps are not very good at expressing themselves.

I was called racist by a friend for wanting the French to do more to stop the little boats. I want them stopped because people are drowning - I don't think that makes me racist.

hairbearbunches · 06/08/2024 09:14

@RedToothBrush blistering comment. You should be involved in social policy.

if the white middle classes, who were calling working class Brexit voters from a pig to a dog (and still are) had voiced the same bile about any other group, a good many of them would have been reported for hate speech.

Quirkyme · 06/08/2024 09:14

Goaperipoff · 06/08/2024 08:55

It has shocked me in the last few weeks how much racism exists. I was also shocked during the election at how many voted reform. Lots of awful posts are left to stand here in my experience. Not just re racism, some very ableist posters here, especially when it comes to children. I've reported posts suggesting child abuse could cure ND but the posts have been left to stand.

I find it interesting when people claim to be shocked by how much racism exists/that it exists at all/ and when they add "can't believe that happens in 2024."

Like racism doesn't have an expiry date. These comments may be well being but they're so annoying and unhelpful tbh.

xsquared · 06/08/2024 09:14

There are definitely racists in mn, but you'll also get mners who tell you that they haven't seen any racism and that you're trying to find something to get offended about.

BurnerName1 · 06/08/2024 09:18

Some excellent, thoughtful posts on this thread which sadly will be largely ignored.

It is NOT racist to say 'People are concerned by the demographic changes happening in their communities.'

Bloom15 · 06/08/2024 09:19

Yogayogayoga · 06/08/2024 08:47

There are so so many secret racists in real life. I've had to unfriend 5 different people on Facebook after they posted memes sympathising with the far right protestors. I visit people in their homes as part of my job and after a while they become more comfortable and their true feelings start to come out in little comments. These are not just the low income/intelligence racists seen on the news, these are doctors, Navy Captains, school teachers, etc.

Same.

They are becoming emboldened to air their disgusting views. Some racists think they can't possibly be racist because they have a non-white friend.