To think we are stuck with hideous neighbour.

[Neighboursfromhell]

We love in a purpose built flat, one neighbour above and then a substantial shared garden. Upstairs property is owned by a very wealthy Dutch man, turns out he bought the property to put his grown daughter in.

His daughter has significant mental health issues, we have 2-3 nights a week where she howls like a labouring cow all night, or she repeatedly slams the bedroom door over and over and over again. She will scream duck you you ducking cunts at us and she has a partner of about 18 months with whom there are domestics at least 2-3 times a week. Violent domestics. Police are here at least once a month. She grabs what sounds like hammers and whacks the floor screaming at us she can't do what she wants you fucking c.

Police won't do anything because the violence is tit for tat and if they want to attack each other they can.

Council won't do anything due to the violence and therefore it is a police matter. The domestic violence is only one element of the god awful behaviour.

We can't afford the tens of thousands to lodge our own court action.

We can't sell as it's an expensive (inherited) flat and no one is going to spend that much on a crazy, dangerous neighbour.

The property isn't rented, it's owned outright. The owner is technically breaching the lease by not acting on her behaviour but again, we can't afford to legally pursue it.

Aibu to think there's fuck all we can do?

Aibu to ask how long reasonably her mental health can give her allowances? She can 100% control herself when she wants to.

I would continue complaining to the police and social services. You say she hurts herself and others, maybe she could get sectioned? It sounds awful. Is there any drugs or alcohol involved?

I agree with @Hangingupnow - someone will buy it at the right price. Different if you'd bought it, but cutting your losses in this situation and selling would set you free. Course a buyer would find out about the reports but if the price is right for a nice flat in a fancy area there'll be someone willing to get a bargain. Maybe an investor. I certainly wouldn't write off that option if you've not tried it. Course you shouldn't have to but if you don't want to be stuck there and other ways aren't working then it makes sense to move on.

In addition to all that is suggested, I wonder if contacting the Netherlands embassy as it seems neglect of a citizen of theirs might get some additional involvement? I have zero clue about Dutch law and what it says about a parent neglecting a child.

weve been in similar situation. Feel for you.

Report her to adult social services and record what you can hear from your flat eg frequent wailing, arguments etc and keep a log of every time she's abusive. Mental illness isn't an excuse to be abusive and make others' lives miserable. I would also consider moving out into a rental and put the flat up for sale.

I'm pretty sure this was a typo and the op meant to say he wants out, not he wants our's.

Surely the daughter is an adult.

If you like the flat and the area, it seems a shame to be forced out when anything might happen to change the neighbour and then issue goes away. If that's the case, don't sell, rent it out. Tell the letting agents there is a noisy neighbour upstairs with mental health issues, so it's not suitable for a little old lady or a young family, but if it's priced right someone will want to rent it - maybe someone who is equally noisy and would welcome the opportunity to play loud music or musical instruments etc without issue.

If you then rent somewhere, you'll have an opportunity to assess the situation with a calm head and a bit of distance and decide whether to sell or not.

Why do people keep saying she should cut her losses, accept the first half-decent offer, etc? Sell it to the rich dad for market value +20%, if he wants it so badly.

But...it sounds like a nice flat in a nice area. I would be more inclined to keep on with the noise complaints, police reports, etc, and eventually something will happen.

You don't have to put up with it just because she's mentally ill. Keep a diary of every time she's noisy (banging on the floor with hammer, banging doors etc). Report to your Council and keep reporting. They should issue a noise abatement order and if that doesn't work, eventually take legal action.

Sounds awful and completely intolerable.

Keep a detailed diary of incidents and make recordings.

Report to the police, social services and the council. Copy in your councillors and MP.

Memtal health issues do not trump your right to live in peace.

My mum lives next door to a couple like this, both have mental health problems. If they weren't beating the hell out of each other, the male would be screaming abuse through the shared wall at my mum. The only way she got anything done about it was to record the noise and abuse and to call the police every time they kicked off. The male was sent to prison for a year. They are still there, but ill health in both of them means they don't kick off anywhere near as often as they used too.

No, those places you are talking about dont encessarily exist- and if they do they cost waaaaaay above a price of a flat or if state funded are impossible to get to. They are like hen's teeth. I think people have this amazing view that if someone has mental health problems they can conveninetly be put away with some support, while in reality many people with mental health live in disgusting conditions/on the streets/die of illnesses and malnutrition if no one is looking after them.

There are other realities of having to look after with mental health problems you may not be aware of, and the dad may just not be able to cope with the demands anymore. It's no fairy land.

“Then some other poor person will be stuck with this horrible neighbour.”
And if the “horrible” neighbour moves, do you not think that some other poor person will then be stuck with the same problem, wherever she moves to?

Have you recorded the threats? If not I would continue doing that and continue report every time there is an incident to police and council.

Being mentally unwell doesn't mean you have zero control over your actions. It sounds utterly vile, listening to her and her partner assaulting each other and then being called names in what sounds like an utterly disgusting and unprovoked manner. Would you accept living in such conditions? "Oh, it's her anxiety poor thing" as she's screaming abuse at you and is clear that nobody is going to stop her ("I can do what I want") Why don't you buy the flat? It sounds wonderful. 🙄

The language you are using to describe that woman is vile and althought I totally see your point as I woudl struggle with the noise, it also makes me sad that you use such disgusting language for anyone.

Just flag it up every time. Not sure what the options are. Sadly support for adults with MH in this country is shit. I see how many people think it would be conveninent to lock up all people who strrgulle this way in a ghetto away from your sight.
At least her father could afford a flat for her to live, imagine how many others dont have the means.

No you shouldn’t have to put up with it - I’d keep reporting it. If you could sell and move then I would but you can’t hide the neighbour issues so it will affect the sale.

For some people having mh it means exactly that. Sometimes there is little control over your actions or not recognising your actions, or not knowing the effect it has on others.

I am not saying ebing a neighbour ir easy, but it's very clear most people on the threat have little understanding of what some conditions entail and how wiode the spectrum of them is- and then you make misinformed comments that have little to do with reality.

Yes, it is ridiculous. Her behaviour may or may not be the result of illness but it is not acceptable either way. All the key board warriors on here would not be so understanding she was their neighbour I’m guessing.

You don’t mention whether you’ve spoken to her directly.

Sensible reply. OP has a right to a life without this aggro.

Personally, I’d cut my losses and put the flat up for auction. If you sell privately, you have to disclose any neighbour problem, but if you auction it, you don’t.

I think being called foul names and having someone hammer the floor consistently is shocking.

I hope there is something that can be done to help the OP as this is no way to live.

Mental health problems does not excuse this behaviour.

What if she beats the OP ?

I would continue calling the police - violence is an offence and her threatening behaviour towards you - calling you c..t etc is should be dealt with.

OP have you checked your home insurance for legal cover? It's usually an optional extra but if you have it they might be able to offer some help.