Page 13 | 17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

SoreAndTired1 · 05/08/2024 23:10

FeelingUnsure99 · 05/08/2024 23:07

Where do you live where 17 year olds are at Uni @SoreAndTired1 ? I'm very interested.

In the UK you finish year 13 in the summer term of the year you turn 18 (if your birthday is 1st January to 31st August) or 19 if your birthday is 1st September to 31st December.

Australia.

I've never heard of a 'year 13'. I thought year 12 (as the final year of secondary school) was a universal thing all across the world. It certainly is in NZ, Canada, America, Sweden...

AvrielFinch · 05/08/2024 23:11

FeelingUnsure99 · 05/08/2024 21:30

What kids are "away at college" at 17?

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Some scottish students.

hellodolly1 · 05/08/2024 23:11

It's frustrating- I understand you want her to see her family . My DD stopped doing this at 17/18 my family are far away from where we live . But I would be cancelling her Reading ticket - due to lost expenses and wouldn't bribe . I'd also expect her to contact her GPs to let them know she's decided not to come . As other posters have said - family ties are important . Unless she is SEN I wouldn't worry leaving my 17 yo at home .

Footballwidow24 · 05/08/2024 23:12

Scottish teens absolutely can be at uni when they're 17.

Caththegreat · 05/08/2024 23:14

You have all spoiled your kidd.

RoseGoldEagle · 05/08/2024 23:16

I’d let her stay home at 17. I stayed home at 16 when my parents went away for a week. It actually made me appreciate being cooked for, living in a tidy house and having company! Also if you say, genuinely meaning it, that she can stay home- she might even change her mind and come.

Frenchsplit · 05/08/2024 23:16

In Scotland a child is effectively an adult at 16. Surgery wrote to 16 to get his phone number as it’s on him now. He could get married! This babying of DCs is not a good thing

Putting · 05/08/2024 23:17

FeelingUnsure99 · 05/08/2024 23:07

Where do you live where 17 year olds are at Uni @SoreAndTired1 ? I'm very interested.

In the UK you finish year 13 in the summer term of the year you turn 18 (if your birthday is 1st January to 31st August) or 19 if your birthday is 1st September to 31st December.

That isn’t the case UK-wide.

I was at university with quite a lot of 17 year old Scottish students.

hellodolly1 · 05/08/2024 23:18

Sorry just saw update- definitely in that case I wouldn't leave her at home nor would I want her to go to Reading !

Frenchsplit · 05/08/2024 23:18

He stayed at home and looked after the dog while I was away for three nights. he doesn’t enjoy holidays

ilovesushi · 05/08/2024 23:18

It's really good that she has opened up to you. Yes to taking her to the GP asap. Gutted for you that your trip is messed up, but you can't leave her on her own like this. x

RoseGoldEagle · 05/08/2024 23:19

SoreAndTired1 · 05/08/2024 23:10

Australia.

I've never heard of a 'year 13'. I thought year 12 (as the final year of secondary school) was a universal thing all across the world. It certainly is in NZ, Canada, America, Sweden...

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Years 10 and 11 are GCSE years, years 12 and 13 (also known as upper and lower sixth in many places), are ALevel years. In my experience in England at any rate.

Frenchsplit · 05/08/2024 23:20

I think she’ll be using depressed in the classic teenager sense, as we all did in my day

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 05/08/2024 23:20

Radarkeigh · 05/08/2024 20:24

She comes on holiday or you kick her out.

A slight overreaction, don't you think??

Radarkeigh · 05/08/2024 23:22

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 05/08/2024 23:20

A slight overreaction, don't you think??

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More a threat. The OP paints a picture of an incredibly immature child who cannot be trusted to be left home alone, so needs drastic measures to get her to comply and come on holiday.

sleepingcat003 · 05/08/2024 23:23

SoreAndTired1 · 05/08/2024 23:10

Australia.

I've never heard of a 'year 13'. I thought year 12 (as the final year of secondary school) was a universal thing all across the world. It certainly is in NZ, Canada, America, Sweden...

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Are you talking about 17-year olds? Because they wouldn’t go to uni in Sweden. They wouldn’t even get their student money (you basically get paid to go) until you are 20 years old I think.

FeelingUnsure99 · 05/08/2024 23:23

Thanks for the replies about Scotland and Australia - interesting to hear.

Year 13 in England and Wales (I'm having to assume Scotland is different now) is the second of the two years you spend in 6th form. It's when you do A levels, as they're known over here. To the pp who asked.

MusicCrayon · 05/08/2024 23:23

FeelingUnsure99 · 05/08/2024 23:07

Where do you live where 17 year olds are at Uni @SoreAndTired1 ? I'm very interested.

In the UK you finish year 13 in the summer term of the year you turn 18 (if your birthday is 1st January to 31st August) or 19 if your birthday is 1st September to 31st December.

Not in the UK, in England. This isn't the case in Scotland, many students go to uni at 17.

Thinkbiglittleone · 05/08/2024 23:23

Joanfromnextdoor · 05/08/2024 20:05

Name change here as I don’t want to be recognised with my other threads.

We are due to travel to France this weekend and stay for a week. We are going to see my parents for the weekend (they are french) and go for a few days in Normandy. Dd is now refusing to go, saying she hates it there, she is not confident at all with her french (my fault). We went at Christmas last year for the first time in at least 10 years and she said she hated it, felt depressed there.

I think Covid didn’t help at all as we didn’t go to France for 2 years and she has a massive blockage about going.

I have pleaded with her..and she reluctantly said yes she was coming but then changed her mind again. I got her a ticket to Reading to see her favourite artist, I booked for the 2 of us to go to Paris in December as she really wanted to go to find a compromise with her.

I can’t leave her because she is not matured enough, I don’t trust her, she would be the kind to not close the fridge properly, leave rubbish everywhere, she refuses to do anything pretty much.

We have no family that could help us.

We have a 20 years old daughter who really wants to go, we can’t cancel the holiday.

AIBU to lose my shit with her ?? What would you do ?

On the grounds she is not mature enough to stay at home alone and you have no one to stay with her - she comes with you,

She sounds spoilt - tell her she is coming, she can stay on the room once on France, but she can't be at home, it a shame she is not more mature to be left at home, but you gave to parent the child you have, not the one you want.

SoreAndTired1 · 05/08/2024 23:26

Thinkbiglittleone · 05/08/2024 23:23

On the grounds she is not mature enough to stay at home alone and you have no one to stay with her - she comes with you,

She sounds spoilt - tell her she is coming, she can stay on the room once on France, but she can't be at home, it a shame she is not more mature to be left at home, but you gave to parent the child you have, not the one you want.

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@Thinkbiglittleone She is not spoilt, she is a 17 year old almost adult who shouldn't be treated like a child, and should be given respect and the opportunity to grow and have independence. Btw, the thread has moved on a lot now, so the OP's post is old and she's given more updates.

DreamTheMoors · 05/08/2024 23:26

My parents forced me to go on a week-long trip with them - I was 19, just the three of us.
The entire time, my dad insulted me, what I said, what I wore, what I ate. And then he insulted my silence. And my mum never spoke up on my behalf. She just sat there and watched.
The crazy thing is I was in my second year of university, had lived away from home without incident the entire time.
If you insist on your daughter going with you, I hope you can restrain yourself from ”losing your shit with her.”

Onthemaintrunkline · 05/08/2024 23:29

At 17 you don’t get to make the rules, parents do. Yes - there’s always a bit of give and take, compromise. However, at yr daughter’s age over matters such as these you decide, take charge, you’re the parent. If she stays home it’ll ruin your holiday completely.

Wordsmithery · 05/08/2024 23:31

Why take her? She’ll be unhappy and as a result could well make everyone else unhappy. Show her you do trust her, take a deep breath and leave her at home. Get a friend to look in on her once while you’re away if you must.

SoreAndTired1 · 05/08/2024 23:33

Onthemaintrunkline · 05/08/2024 23:29

At 17 you don’t get to make the rules, parents do. Yes - there’s always a bit of give and take, compromise. However, at yr daughter’s age over matters such as these you decide, take charge, you’re the parent. If she stays home it’ll ruin your holiday completely.

@Onthemaintrunkline At 17, she's basically an adult, her mother does not get to make the rules, she does. She's 17, and no one can physically force her. If I were her daughter, I would ruin the holiday completely if I were forced to go, I make sure I made it living hell for my parents. Trust me the parents would have a far better holiday than with a 17 year old spiteful girl going scorched earth. At 17, OP does not get to make the rules for her daughter. Btw, the thread has moved on a lot now, so the OP's post is old and she's given more updates. Read the full thread.

sleepingcat003 · 05/08/2024 23:33

DreamTheMoors · 05/08/2024 23:26

My parents forced me to go on a week-long trip with them - I was 19, just the three of us.
The entire time, my dad insulted me, what I said, what I wore, what I ate. And then he insulted my silence. And my mum never spoke up on my behalf. She just sat there and watched.
The crazy thing is I was in my second year of university, had lived away from home without incident the entire time.
If you insist on your daughter going with you, I hope you can restrain yourself from ”losing your shit with her.”

You don’t forget things like that, you are certainly old enough to remember. Horrible. What did they even get out of it I wonder.

But how did you dress out of curiosity?