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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend is fuming that I’m not going to her bottomless brunch

111 replies

pingupenguin1 · 05/08/2024 19:44

My friend is having a bottomless brunch in a few weeks time. It’s from 12pm until about 2.

I am really struggling with money at the moment, and she knows that. I’m also not drinking much alcohol at the moment - barely any.
It would be £45 for the brunch, which I just can’t justify, especially as I’m barely drinking! I’d just be paying for a sandwich essentially.

I told her this, and I said I’m really sorry. They are continuing in town afterwards, so I said I’d meet them out at 2pm so that I can still go and be part of it.

She initially didn’t reply and then told me she was fuming and that “she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Am I the bad friend here?

OP posts:
Lifestooshort71 · 05/08/2024 19:47

I think it's OK to say you can't afford it (a lot of money for a couple of hours) but a bit cheeky to add that you're up for the fun bit later - perhaps she's got the hump about that as well?

LlynTegid · 05/08/2024 19:47

I think you have been reasonable to decline now, it would be unfair to do so say a few days before.

I would hope a friend would be understanding if for whatever reason you are short of money.

Original poster
pingupenguin1 · 05/08/2024 19:47

It was more because I didn’t just not want to show up. I wanted to show her I still cared about her birthday - so I’ll join them later to join the celebrations

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 05/08/2024 19:48

Nope, 'you are NOT bad friend here...'

JC03745 · 05/08/2024 19:48

Is your 'friend' 12? Is the bottomless brunch for her birthday? You made a suitable compromise. If she is childish enough to not understand cost of living and not everyone can afford everything- then is she really a friend?
Personally, I find bottomless brunch things are usually dreadful value- and I wouldnt want to go anyways.

Sunshineafterthehail · 05/08/2024 19:48

She is the bad friend making you feel bad for not coughing up 45 quid....

JaxiiTaxii · 05/08/2024 19:48

She's an idiot of she'd spend £45 on a sandwich when struggling.

A genuine friend wouldn't want someone they care about to spend ££ they can't afford. Watch this one.

billyt · 05/08/2024 19:49

She's fuming? Jeez, what a drama queen.

If she was a good friend she'd appreciate you're broke. I can't imagine telling a friend I was fuming. Is she always so dramatic?

So many entitled idiots these days.

Look like you need to drop the rope asap.

NotSureWhatUsernameToChoose · 05/08/2024 19:50

She initially didn’t reply and then told me she was fuming and that “she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Ask her HOW she would pay anything, if she had no money?

And you are very happy to be with her, you will freely give your time, but you have no money.

lastminpanic23 · 05/08/2024 19:51

You could go and just not do the brunch? I have a friend who doesn't drink, she comes to the bottomless brunch things and just pays for her food. Is that an option? Don't be pressured into drinking if you're choosing not to for whatever reason.

Waterboatlass · 05/08/2024 19:52

SIBU it's a lot of money for a few glasses of prosecco. More than fine to join afterwards.

Maybe there's a non alc or a la carte option though rather than bottomless if you could stretch to a glass and simple lunch?

Bertsmum22 · 05/08/2024 19:53

What you’ve said is fine but her reply means she’s a twat and not a good friend! Mug it off.

CoastalCalm · 05/08/2024 19:54

I would check to see if the bottomless version is compulsory and go from there

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 05/08/2024 19:56

£45 is crazy!!

Yanbu, your friend is not very nice.

Bouliegirl · 05/08/2024 19:58

Why does everyone have main character syndrome these days?

wheretoyougonow · 05/08/2024 20:01

“she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Perfect. Ask her for £45 as an early birthday present to you and she can get what's she wants 😂😂
Seriously- no actual grown up acts like this. Not sure she is a friend.

Cherrysoup · 05/08/2024 20:06

That’s very moody of her. Bar weddings, I don’t think I’ve ever explicitly paid to spend time with friends. Haven’t done hens (bar one in my life, not really been asked to others) and friends don’t usually demand I spend money I don't have or get arsey if I say I can’t afford it.

Namechangeforthispost579 · 05/08/2024 20:10

Your friend sounds like a dick. Having said that I would have still gone and just paid for my food if I didn't want to drink.

Proudbitch · 05/08/2024 20:10

Lifestooshort71 · 05/08/2024 19:47

I think it's OK to say you can't afford it (a lot of money for a couple of hours) but a bit cheeky to add that you're up for the fun bit later - perhaps she's got the hump about that as well?

How is that cheeky? She hasn’t referred to the rest as the ‘fun’ bit. She just won’t have to spend £45 on a sandwich

Proudbitch · 05/08/2024 20:11

Namechangeforthispost579 · 05/08/2024 20:10

Your friend sounds like a dick. Having said that I would have still gone and just paid for my food if I didn't want to drink.

But at bottomless brunches you can’t do that. Everyone has to be on the same deal.

WindsurfingDreams · 05/08/2024 20:11

Bottomless bunches are generally dire anyway. Yanbu she sounds very selfish

Sallyshome · 05/08/2024 20:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Demonhunter · 05/08/2024 20:21

Lifestooshort71 · 05/08/2024 19:47

I think it's OK to say you can't afford it (a lot of money for a couple of hours) but a bit cheeky to add that you're up for the fun bit later - perhaps she's got the hump about that as well?

It's not cheeky. She is willing to go out after, where drinking soft drinks would cost no where near £45 so it's a very reasonable compromise.

Letsgotitans · 05/08/2024 20:24

Lifestooshort71 · 05/08/2024 19:47

I think it's OK to say you can't afford it (a lot of money for a couple of hours) but a bit cheeky to add that you're up for the fun bit later - perhaps she's got the hump about that as well?

I don't understand, you're acting like the bottomless brunch is a works event and the going out afterwards is the reward, is it not all meant to be fun? It's quite acceptable to say you can't afford the bottomless brunch but will join after, I think that makes he'd a very good friend, she is wanting to celebrate with her.

autumn1610 · 05/08/2024 20:26

I’d see if they do an alcohol free version or if you can just have brunch without joining in the bottomless part. Quite a few places you don’t have to have the whole table taking part. I would do that rather than doing drinks after