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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend is fuming that I’m not going to her bottomless brunch

111 replies

pingupenguin1 · 05/08/2024 19:44

My friend is having a bottomless brunch in a few weeks time. It’s from 12pm until about 2.

I am really struggling with money at the moment, and she knows that. I’m also not drinking much alcohol at the moment - barely any.
It would be £45 for the brunch, which I just can’t justify, especially as I’m barely drinking! I’d just be paying for a sandwich essentially.

I told her this, and I said I’m really sorry. They are continuing in town afterwards, so I said I’d meet them out at 2pm so that I can still go and be part of it.

She initially didn’t reply and then told me she was fuming and that “she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Am I the bad friend here?

OP posts:
Demonhunter · 05/08/2024 20:26

I get you OP, I don't drink now as it messes with my chronic pain meds and I've turned down things like this before not only due to dietary restrictions but I'm not willing to pay over the odds for a couple of soft drinks.
If she was any kind of friend she would understand and just choose something more suited to you at a later date for a catch up and belated birthday celebration. You're not asking her to change the plans for you, just that you can't afford to partake in this particular activity.

MooonDreamz · 05/08/2024 20:27

She's not a good friend

Balloonhearts · 05/08/2024 20:27

"she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”. Great, really kind of you to offer, see you then.

Grmumpy · 05/08/2024 20:27

What is she..five years old!

SaintHonoria · 05/08/2024 20:30

'she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Send her flight details for your next birthday meal in Australia.

You've given a perfectly good reason as to why you can't make it and she has acted entitled and unpleasant.

You didn't have to say you can't afford it, you can decline things without giving any excuse as to why.

Easipeelerie · 05/08/2024 20:35

You can’t afford it. If she can’t understand that, she’s not a friend. Let her fume then drop her.

cooroocoocoo · 05/08/2024 20:37

Possible compromise would be to join her at the restaurant but to order separately so you stay in control of your budget.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 05/08/2024 20:38

Bouliegirl · 05/08/2024 19:58

Why does everyone have main character syndrome these days?

Ooh, is that what it's called 🤔
I know a few of them😂

MacaroniBeachMustique · 05/08/2024 20:41

pingupenguin1 · 05/08/2024 19:44

My friend is having a bottomless brunch in a few weeks time. It’s from 12pm until about 2.

I am really struggling with money at the moment, and she knows that. I’m also not drinking much alcohol at the moment - barely any.
It would be £45 for the brunch, which I just can’t justify, especially as I’m barely drinking! I’d just be paying for a sandwich essentially.

I told her this, and I said I’m really sorry. They are continuing in town afterwards, so I said I’d meet them out at 2pm so that I can still go and be part of it.

She initially didn’t reply and then told me she was fuming and that “she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Am I the bad friend here?

You really haven’t done anything wrong here at all. You definitely aren’t a bad friend!

Wigtopia · 05/08/2024 20:41

Lifestooshort71 · 05/08/2024 19:47

I think it's OK to say you can't afford it (a lot of money for a couple of hours) but a bit cheeky to add that you're up for the fun bit later - perhaps she's got the hump about that as well?

Why is this cheeky? This is showing a willingness to celebrate the birthday, but lacks the cash to do the bottomless brunch.

Timeturnerplease · 05/08/2024 20:48

God this kind of stuff is so childish. It’s not a 5th birthday party, your ‘friend’ is not the centre of everyone’s universe and adults have lives of their own that do not involve spending every spare moment with their friends.

This kind of thread appears on Mumsnet so often that it’s worrying how many grown adults there are out there having strops because the entire world is not stopping to celebrate their birthday/engagement/hen do.

OP, YANBU at all.

Crumpleton · 05/08/2024 20:48

YANBU.

It's fine if your DF, or anyone for that matter wants to spend £45 or however much on a bottomless brunch or any outing but there's no way they should just assume that their friends can or would even want to follow suit.

Sugarlily · 05/08/2024 20:49

I guess it depends on what you’re struggling for money means. I have a friend who constantly moans about struggling but then I find out she has a ton of savings and goes on fancy holidays…..

macaroniandcheeze · 05/08/2024 20:52

CoastalCalm · 05/08/2024 19:54

I would check to see if the bottomless version is compulsory and go from there

Yeah there is usually a non-alcoholic option (which costs less money)

OpizpuHeuvHiyo · 05/08/2024 20:54

Friends don't choose £45per-head activities for their birthday celebrations unless (a) all their friends are wealthy with no money worries or (b) they (the birthday person) are paying for everyone.

£45 is beyond budget for a lot of people and it's shittu being a non-drinker at a "bottomless" thing like being someone trying to eat minimally at an "all you can eat" thing.

She's being a bad friend. You aren't.

But if she would genuinely "pay anything to spend your birthday with you" then she can pay the £45 for you to spend her birthday with her, and she can spend your birthday with you doing something cheap/free that you can afford, and then you are effectively even.

MrsSunshine2b · 05/08/2024 20:55

Your friend has serious main character energy and needs to get over herself.

LostTheMarble · 05/08/2024 21:02

First of all, who has a BB at 12 with the intention of ‘going out’ after? To where? I’ve been to ‘late’ ones and even then had to wind down for an hour or so before the evening crowd gets as caught up on drink as you are. The food is usually ok, but not £45 ok - that’s more than twice what you’d spend on a large takeaway and the most you’d get there is filler food! Your friend has completely unreasonable expectations, that’s a ridiculous sum to pay for nibbles and sipping on one glass of something…

mumedu · 05/08/2024 21:03

pingupenguin1 · 05/08/2024 19:44

My friend is having a bottomless brunch in a few weeks time. It’s from 12pm until about 2.

I am really struggling with money at the moment, and she knows that. I’m also not drinking much alcohol at the moment - barely any.
It would be £45 for the brunch, which I just can’t justify, especially as I’m barely drinking! I’d just be paying for a sandwich essentially.

I told her this, and I said I’m really sorry. They are continuing in town afterwards, so I said I’d meet them out at 2pm so that I can still go and be part of it.

She initially didn’t reply and then told me she was fuming and that “she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Am I the bad friend here?

I mean if that's the case then tell her she's welcome to pay for you.

Namechangeforthispost579 · 05/08/2024 21:07

Proudbitch · 05/08/2024 20:11

But at bottomless brunches you can’t do that. Everyone has to be on the same deal.

Show quote history

I've done that before?

bloomtoperish · 05/08/2024 21:19

Bottomless brunches that don't give you unlimited food (so nearly all of them) are a waste of money IMO, I'd much rather go to an all you can eat buffet and buy myself a bottle of wine.

DandyClocks · 05/08/2024 21:43

I think your friend is rather selfish expecting you to cough up money you can’t afford just because it’s her birthday. With that attitude, I’d be inclined to quietly drop her.

Luckily I don’t drink so will cheerfully decline anything like this with no fucks given.

@Sugarlily

Presumably your friend prefers to choose how to spend her own money?
I have a friend whose company I enjoy enormously and we share a hobby too. However, I’ve said I’m skint before when I didn’t want to offend her rather than telling her the truth that I have no interest in going to see bands, or drinking in pubs etc.

If the friend is saying they’re skint in order to get someone else to subsidise them, then that’s pure cheeky fuckery.

Clueless2024 · 05/08/2024 21:48

What is it with people & birthdays? Unless you are a child, a birthday is a big, fat whoopee Doo basil. It doesn't give you permission to act like a dick

BeeHappy12 · 05/08/2024 21:48

Do adults actually behave like this?

MoonAndStarsAndSky · 05/08/2024 21:52

I'd take her response as her offering to pay:

"Thank you so much DF but I wouldn't feel comfortable with you paying for me to attend - no matter that you would pay anything for us to spend your birthday together. Let's keep it that I meet you after the brunch and I'll get you some drinks in town."

Conniebygaslight · 05/08/2024 21:54

She’s a tit.
I’ll bet you anything you’ll be ‘tested’ again at some point and fail….ditch her now to save you the pain. You can’t win with these idiots and the freedom is incredible.

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