Friend is fuming that I’m not going to her bottomless brunch

[pingupenguin1]

My friend is having a bottomless brunch in a few weeks time. It’s from 12pm until about 2.

I am really struggling with money at the moment, and she knows that. I’m also not drinking much alcohol at the moment - barely any.
It would be £45 for the brunch, which I just can’t justify, especially as I’m barely drinking! I’d just be paying for a sandwich essentially.

I told her this, and I said I’m really sorry. They are continuing in town afterwards, so I said I’d meet them out at 2pm so that I can still go and be part of it.

She initially didn’t reply and then told me she was fuming and that “she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Am I the bad friend here?

Not the point of the thread, but I wouldn't worry about not drinking OP, the drinks tend to be like pisswater at these things🤣.
I don't think you are being unreasonable one bit. Don't do anything you don't want to do.

How olds your friend 12? Not sure what it is with women and their birthday celebrations but they need to grow up.

Surely if she's hosting a lunch for friends wherever that may be, she's paying?

I'd probably reply, very briefly with good wishes for her birthday and then leave it. I don't think I'd be too bothered after getting her text.

Unless it's very out of character for her in which case I'd give her a bit of space and then talk it over once the dust had settled.

YANBU - what’s wrong with her?

Maybe she had to make minimum numbers for the booking or perhaps others have also declined due to the cost and she projected her annoyance onto you.

She should grow up.

I don't know where you live but I went to one recently as a none drinker at Quebana (not sure if it's a chain) and they allowed me as a none drinker to order off the normal menu. I wouldn't be paying £45 for anything unless I'm actually benefiting and a true friend would understand that and not put pressure on you x

This.

They must have to do a non-alcoholic alternative for those who can't/don't drink. I'm pretty much teetotal and an introvert and would rather do the meal part than hanging around for an indeterminate length of time afterwards.

45 pounds for a glorified brunch and cheap drink is stupid, if people have that much to waste they are fools. she obviously is very immature , if she wants you there and knows you cant afford it let her pay , I would if It was a freind who was struggling I would pay and not embarrass them.

I'd refuse. £45 stupid money

I've never been to a bottomless brunch and never want to. The idea of everyone trying to down as much cheap booze as possible in 2 hours and having a bit of crappy food isn't my idea of a good time at all. You're absolutely not being a bad friend by not going. If she was a good friend she'd understand and maybe suggest a nice lunch for the two of you another time!

I don’t understand! Surely the brunch is supposed to be fun, not something to suffer through to be allowed to join in later.
I have heard that the food is poor and limited at these bottomless brunches, and its just about as much cheap booze as you can drink. Even as a drinker I’d prefer a less pressured environment than to drink as much as possible in 2 hours just because! I don't think it would be worth it unless you aim to drink as much alcohol as possible, whether you have the money or not!

Didn’t think they served alcohol at children’s parties.

How childish of her! Don’t feel bullied

You're not a bad friend but she bloody well is!

when you do bottomless brunch usually there’s a non alcohol version and is usually cheaper

You are definitely not the unreasonable friend here! My friend group regularly does bottomless brunches and we love them but would never react like that if someone couldn’t make it - in fact I’ve missed two this year because I’m pregnant and I’ve joined after for mocktails. Sorry your friend is such a twat!

brave of you - offering to meet up with a rowdy bunch off their heads on cheap prosecco.
I'd have offered to meet her for a coffee on a different day.

Maybe the day after - she'll be on black coffee not expensive lattes or cappuccinos😂

I assume judging by the comments we don’t live in a society anymore where you pay to host your own birthday party.

I find it incredibly crass when somebody invites me to their birthday celebration and expects me to pay for it, a long with a present, money spent on travel etc. if I’m asked to chip in I will always decline.

"She would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”

Really?

So your friend has created this emphasis on the absolute imperative of friends being with their friends on their 'special day' regardless of anything else.

If you think about it, at best, it's quite a thoughtless pronouncement; one where all the expectation is on you to do your bit and prove just how good a friend you are. In a way, she's being very generous with your money and all for whose benefit? Some might say shades of emotional blackmail.

You wouldn't be posting on here if she'd changed ONE small word:

"I would pay anything to spend MY birthday with you ”

If you were to let her know you couldn't afford it/justify the expense at this time would she immediately respond with something like, "I appreciate money's a bit tight at the moment but I'd really like you to be there. Will you allow me to cover the cost? It'd be my pleasure!" Or, if she couldn't afford to do that, perhaps come up with a change of plan. Opt for something more affordable?

A birthday may be cause for celebration but I reckon it's not more important than generosity of spirit or genuine friendship.

(Sermon over.)

A friend of mine did this for her 30th. She expected me to pay for flights and two nights out plus all of the other costs of being away. Her reasoning was that we wouldn't have to pay for accommodation as we could all stay with her family. I couldn't justify spending that amount and was made to feel bad for it by her and the rest of our friends. Every now and then she has made comments since but she stopped once I attended another similar activity a couple of years later. As far as I was concerned I was managing my money and that was more important.

she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”. What utter rubbish. So she would pay for a trip to the beach in Antigua for your birthday? Or similar.

I think expecting someone to pay £45 for a sandwich is similar to that but n principle. I also think expecting someone to attend what is basically a booze up when they aren’t drinking is unreasonable. Being the only sober person in a crowd of drunks can be very tedious

@pingupenguin1

Your so called friend is being a massive childish twat! I'd not even bother joining later if that's her attitude. Time to bin her.

Surely 12-2 is lunch?

What do you mean by the fun bit? Isn't the brunch the fun bit?

Offering to come later is perfectly reasonable. It's just attending one activity instead of both.

I want to do a bottomless brunch where the pancakes, bacon and smoked salmon are bottomless. Not the watered down fizzy wine!

I don't drink alcohol anymore and I find it depressing that these are even a thing. They are usually not good value once you realise how infrequently they refill your glass and the food is actually limited. You are decidedly NBU.