Friend is fuming that I’m not going to her bottomless brunch

[pingupenguin1]

My friend is having a bottomless brunch in a few weeks time. It’s from 12pm until about 2.

I am really struggling with money at the moment, and she knows that. I’m also not drinking much alcohol at the moment - barely any.
It would be £45 for the brunch, which I just can’t justify, especially as I’m barely drinking! I’d just be paying for a sandwich essentially.

I told her this, and I said I’m really sorry. They are continuing in town afterwards, so I said I’d meet them out at 2pm so that I can still go and be part of it.

She initially didn’t reply and then told me she was fuming and that “she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Am I the bad friend here?

Most bottomless brunches I have been to are a rip off. They’re slow with the drinks which are usually watered down, cheap cocktails. Your friend sounds like a teenager. Proper drama queen.

This!

Yanbu, she is. Normally you are not supposed to pay in order to celebrate a friend. It's weird. If she cant afford inviting people she could just have coffee and cake at home with friends. Or ask people ro bring dishes to a brunch as her birthday present. But she sounds entitled and lacks compassion, who needs a friend like that?

I truly don't understand your friend's attitude. Not very friendly at all! More It's All About Me.
You sound like a lovely person, caring and thoughtful.
Her behaviour says so much more about her personality than yours. Her being upset is not your fault.

I have been in this situation as the one whose birthday it was, and I offered to pay for my friend to come. He refused, and I talked him into it saying that when he makes his million he has to remember me:)

Maybe your friend is not in a position to pay for you. In this case, unless you are very close, it would be acceptable to meet after the event.

If you have known each other since kids and, up until recently, have been her drinking buddy, then she will find it hard to accept your change in lifestyle as an excuse for not going.

I think its awful your friend is guilt tripping you and if you cannot afford it you cannot afford it simple, you should NOT have to even explain yourself if she is your "friend" she should get it .

I recently said to a friend I was broke, she thought I meant I had not much money. I meant I had nothing at all. It's hard for people who earn okay money to understand you being at your OD limit on the third of the month for various unforeseen reasons...

When my friend realised I meant zero available she was like ohhhh sorry...and we sorted something out. She's been there before herself.

If your friend is being arsey while realising just how broke you are, that's crap. Otherwise she might just not quite get it. £45 to me is haha no chance, I'd prefer to get some food this month thankyouverymuch. To her it might just be a normal thing to spend going out.

Might be a misunderstanding, or she might be being a diva.

No she is an insensitive ah! If she knows you can’t afford it maybe she should offer to chip in! Or I would just say sorry I won’t be there I’m skint and you know that! When I can afford it we can do something together. If she kicks off then tbh I would just start stepping back from this friendship.

I think it's fine not to go, I probably wouldn't either. It's a lot of money to waste if you're not making use of it. If people want to have birthdays with a set price like that, they should expect some people not to go.

So she's 'fuming' is she, because you haven't got £45 to drop on an event you don't want to go to anyway? Well that's too bad, isn't it? Let her fume away. We don't get to tell our friends what they need to spend their money on. We invite them and then it's up to them. I couldn't do with a friend who dictated to me and punished me for not having much cash. No doubt she will get over it as fumers often do, but tbh if she doesn't you haven't lost much.

Wait a minute. I thought SHE was having the "bottomless brunch"? So why has everyone else to pay for it? To me, that's like inviting friends for dinner and expecting them to pay a share. Not on!