To ask how you would react to this?

[itsoverisntit12]

Husband has barely spoken to me all weekend. It's a constant circle of me having to try and make conversation and get nothing back. I'm mad about it and I've told him so. So went I went to the shop he decided to drive off when I was inside and leave me.

It's only a 10 min walk from home. But I'm fuming. I don't know how to even react or what to say?

So to deal with your fears

• you are already alone aren't you? He doesn't talk to you, refuses to communicate like an adult, drives off without you and has blocked your phone. How lonely you must feel right now. Living alone doesn't have to be lonely (I love it).
• It's a broken home NOW. It'll be better if they don't have 2 parents at loggerheads with their father treating their mother like shit. As a child I remember an adult saying I came from a broken home and feeling both confused and upset - I didn't think my mum, me & sister (minus alcoholic violent Dad) were broken.
• Less income. Never great but CMS from him and ability to do your own thing with money = you'll manage
• Looking after kids on your own. How much does he do with them now (on his own)? If you live separately he'd hopefully have them at least every other weekend, giving you time to yourself.

There are worse ways to live than as a single mum, for example in an unhappy, loveless marriage being alternately shouted at or ignored. If he won't try marriage counselling/therapy then all you are doing is continuing to make your life miserable, and by extension your kids lives as well.

Hmm childish is the right answer. Just because he is not hitting you or being overtly abusive doesn’t mean this behaviour isn’t deliberately to hurt you.

Honestly if you have the resources I would get a few counselling sessions on your own. It would be good to have an adult to discuss this all with, and your husband is too immature to have a conversation with.

I’d be telling him to leave right now

They are in a 'broken home' right now watching all this unfold!

Very well put. Even if you can't leave right away, you can start planning right away.

Is he autistic?

Why don’t you let him do it?

And you’re still with him because………

Let him do it. Go to a hotel with your book and favourite PJ

This. If you don’t drive, learn. Tell your parents. Get a solicitor.

Add on…broken home?? That’s bullshit. Parents splitting up does not mean broken home! You’re in a broken home now. Being ignored, arguing in front of your kids, driving off and leaving you. Your kids would be happier in a loving environment with you on your own and showing them a happy, loving, safe upbringing. Stop pedalling the broken home gaslighting bollocks

What?? There is nothing in the OP to suggest that and even he is so what? Autistic people can be arseholes too and you are allowed to call them out on it and leave them.
OP in terms of "how to do it" there are lots of useful guides online..try Wikivorce for a start and obviously go and have a chat with a solicitor. Usual advice is to get yourself prepared, quietly gather copies of payslips, ideally his pension if you can but that can be tricky...don't worry too much, the solicitor can deal with that later. As others have said find out what your UC entitlement might be and start working it out. If you'd asked me if I could manage alone before ex left for ow I'd have said obviously not but when it happened and o had no say in it, you make it work. Good luck.

You need to leave.

I'm not trying to be cruel when I say this, but staying in this situation will be very bad for the kids. If you can fight through that fear for them, it would likely be much better in the long run.

There is a dangerous narrative becoming increasingly common, that abusive behaviour can be explained (and at times excused) through a ND diagnosis.

To be clear, OP, people can be both autistic and abusive, they’re not mutually exclusive. However, neurodiversity is NEVER a reason or explanation for abuse. Speaking as a diagnosed adult, with two diagnosed children, plus multiple diagnosed extended family members. It’s possible also to be autistic and not an abusive arsehole.

All of this.

And OP, as someone who comes from a "broken" home, I can tell you that being in a happy home with just me and my mum was a million times better than when her and my Dad were together! He wasn't violent or aggressive but he was massively controlling and we were constantly treading on eggshells around him.

Likewise with my DSD. DP and his ex didn't really argue as such but they had got to the point where they basically co-existed mostly in silence and probably with a lot of unspoken annoyance.

She made a comment once that me and her Dad hugged "a lot" and she wanted a boyfriend to hug. I wouldn't say that we're massively overly affectionate in front of her but she's probably picked up on it as she hasn't seen it before and again, surely it's far nicer for her to be in a loving and affectionate home than in one with a tense and hostile atmosphere??

OP, a "broken home" is broken long before you make the decision to move out. The way your husband is behaving in front of your kids is damaging them far more than if you were to be on your own with them.

@itsoverisntit12 your poor kids. The atmosphere will be making them so anxious.

Please just end it. This isn't love. Its not healthy for your or the kids to live like this.

Make the decision, pull the plug and move one of you out of the master bedroom. Don't cook, clean or otherwise look after him at all.

Or move out and go to your parents. Apply via local council for a place and look into any benefit entitlements.

Life WILL be better without him.

OP, I'm 47 and I can still vividly remember my father leaving my mother places and driving off because she'd committed some imaginary crime. I'm in therapy for it now because I've finally had to admit that it's left me with coping mechanisms that aren't good. Your kids know what's going on. They may not have words for it yet, but they know.

Please look at: gaslighting (him saying you slammed the door, you now questioning yourself because you don't know what the truth is any more because you can't trust your judgement).

Ask yourself if there's a possibility that he's lying about you slamming it.

Coercive control.

Using the children as a method of control (knowing if he takes them with him, you will come back, because you won't leave them).

Making you believe that you will be publicly shamed if you leave as a way of keeping you in the marriage

If you can afford life without him at a stretch then you can afford it and that's good enough. If he realises this, he may do things that leave you unable to afford it (eg manipulate you into running up debt by promising it will fix the marriage/make him happy when it won't)

Please ring women's aid and talk to someone.

As a child I remember an adult saying I came from a broken home and feeling both confused and upset - I didn't think my mum, me & sister (minus alcoholic violent Dad) were broken.

As the child of divorced parents, I always found the phrase "broken home" ridiculous. We had a very happy home, thank you very much! And two parents who loved us even though they didn't get on with each other.

Life is far too short to live like this. I completely understand the feeling scared of leaving - but it will be one of those things you'd wished you'd done earlier once you've done it.

You have children so this isn't just about you of course - but do you want them to be brought up watching your relationship and thinking it's normal/acceptable? Hard as being separated is it's far preferable over being in an unhappy & abusive relationship.

If you feel like you're starting to have your eyes opened to the reality of what his behaviour is like it's worth having a chat with Women's Aid - they have a web chat and can help make sense/validate what's going on. That was a massive help to me when I was in a not-too dissimilar situation to you.

What? Why? What has she said that would vaguely suggest that.

Leave him OP you may not have as much money buy you will have peace.

My parents had this type of relationship and the only thing I felt when they finally split when I was 10 was relief. Your children are already living in a home that's broken. Imagine how they must have felt when he drove away. As for your mum no wonder she was explode watching her child be treated so poorly.

We went to live in a tiny flat in a rougher area after my parents divorce and it felt like heaven. No hate, so simmering anger, no silent treatment, no waiting for the next fight. My parents rarely fought in front of us but we knew anyway it was an awful way to live.

File for divorce. It's your only option.

Gosh this relationship is truly toxic. It's getting worse with the blocked phone number too. I'd pack my bags and take the kids to my parents until I get my own flat. You can't carry on living like this. Your children are learning relationships from you. At this rate they'll grow up accepting someone who treats them badly. Be a good role model and move out.

This, the kids would worry about you. They will know it wasn’t right to just leave you.