To wonder why more parents don't encourage daughters to freeze eggs?

[alesndra]

I know , I know - money! But there's so many more parents that help out their children by buying them housing or contributing large sums towards the wedding. Why isn't egg freezing a more common "gift"?

For example, I grew up quite comfortable and my parents wanted to help me build up a safety net. When I finished uni they bought me a flat in central London (for which I am immensely grateful) and paid a substantial amount towards my wedding (again, very very thankful for this). So they clearly have money and were willing to use it to help me out in life. Similarly now, I've mentioned we might do IVF and parents have said if they can help out financially they are very willing. So... why is it that so few girls are encouraged by their parents at age 18-25 to freeze eggs by their parents? Why, among all of my friends, even ones who went to private school and come from super rich backgrounds, have none of us been "gifted" an egg freezing round but many got flats etc? Not ungrateful but just wondering why culturally it's not as common when it could save so many tears, stress and even money down the line to be used on unsuccessful IVF rounds as egg quality declines?
I feel like this is 100% something I would "gift" my daughter, ahead of for example cars or flats. Or am I missing something?

Until very, very recently, success rate for egg freezing was very poor, and I don't think the general population realises how quickly that has changed.

It's also one of those things that isn't urgent until the window of opportunity has passed. In retrospect, I kind of wish I'd done it!

I don’t have daughters so can’t mentally put myself in that position but I don’t think that you’d look at your child at the age of 18 and think grandchildren and think what if she can’t have children without intervention I know let’s offer to freeze her eggs. I imagine that even if you did offer it the daughter would say that she’d rather have a holiday, a car, a flat or almost anything else (assuming that the parents are in the position financially to do so)
Sadly you can’t change time for yourself let alone for your children as much as you might wish you could

Yes, but I could imagine having a 27 year old daughter who has years of career - establishing to do, no partner, and who wants kids someday, and making the offer to pay for egg freezing. I kind of wish it had been an option when I was that age.

I know you are seeing this as a "Brave New World" scenario, but if we significantly extend healthy lifespans, is this actually a terrible thing, to have this option?

Turn it the other way - why didn’t you ask your parents to pay for you to feeze your eggs instead of buying you a flat or paying for your wedding? Or maybe as well.
i imagine it wasn’t something they even thought about.
Surely also with no deposit to save for or mortgage to pay, it’s something you could have paid for for yourself anyway.
You are very privileged to have the above, and even though it sounds like that’s the norm in circles you move in, you do sound very entitled.
Although maybe this is just a stealth thread anyway

Well said

Also I wonder how the kid born yesterday? will feel, knowing they could have been born in the 90's instead of being on ice for 30 odd years......

a sort of 'freeze your future carers' scenario?

If I’d have had the gift of seeing into the future when my DD36 was 18, I would have encouraged her to have her eggs frozen. She has endometriosis, has already had to have 1 fallopian tube taken out, and the other one is partially blocked. She and her DH are starting IVF and have been given a 15% chance of success.

I actually have a friend whose mother did offer to freeze her and her sister’s eggs when they were about 19-21. It seemed like a really far off thought at the time.

The girls will now both be mid-thirties and neither has had a child.

Because it's expensive, invasive, and unlikely to result in a live birth. You're much better off freezing embryos, but to do that you need to know who you want the father to be. Most women don't need it. The vast majority of 35 year old women TTC for the first time will conceive within a year.

Gifting your child a large deposit is probably a lot more useful because they will then be financially ready to have a child at an earlier age.

Me too!

Either do it naturally or don't do it at all. People managed quite well like that for generations before egg freezing was even thought of. Nobody thought they had a right to a child, they hoped, it usually happened and they were grateful, if they couldn't they found fulfilment in other ways.

It would have been a hard no from me! I would have seen this as a pushy mother desperate for grandkids .

Just because the technology exists, does not mean that it has to happen.

Why would you as a parent? Why would you be thinking about that in the first place (besides some genetic component within the family.)?

I’d be weirded out if my parents gave me that. Bad enough they were asking me when I was having children in my early 20s, would have probably gone low contact if they gifted me such a thing over helping with a house purchase.

Plus, having listened to someone talk about it and show what they went through, no bloody thank you would I have gone through the trouble even if I had fertility struggles.

It could make having living grandparents a thing of the past?

I guess if parents could raise their children to be independent and stand on their own two feet & make good choices then they wouldn’t raise kids who ask what more can my parents for me:

Buy me house
Buy me wedding
Buy me baby
Tell me to freeze my eggs

Waaaaa

You sound like my (IVF) toddlers.

I am hoping to raise children who can think critically and can assess life for its instrinic worth than a list of I wants that can be bought.

My parents couldn't have paid for me to have a Tesco value microwave never mind a London gaff and egg retrieval 🤷🏻‍♀️

I won’t be encouraging my daughter to have children at all. I’d rather she prioritise other things that will give her a better quality of life (financial security, career, good social support). Her choice though, obviously.

It would be better to help them have babies young.

Probably because it’s usually not needed. And the tests and extraction are invasive and painful according to my friend who has done it herself (frozen age 31 thanks to her mum paying).

I’d rather help my daughter have her babies when her body was ready for them - eg younger. I think that doing egg freezing encourages people to wait a lot longer. It’s beneficial to have babies when biology wants you to.

I completely agree.

Having gone through the IVF journey (obviously only as the male partner) and learning about the stats, and now having 2 daughters- I expect I will suggest exactly that. Probably not 18-25 yo eggs, but ~30.

There’s no guarantee but it’s a massive opportunity to keep a door open that will otherwise close for sure.

Keep in mind when looking at stats related to IVF they are heavily skewed by the fact that the people going through it are usually those who are already older and/or struggling. Odds of successful live birth for a woman 42+ are 3-5% per round of IVF. That’s something like 50% for a 30 year old. Age at egg retrieval is the biggest determinant.

The low chance of success

I'm not sure that's entirely true anymore - at least not as a rule of thumb.

Biology lags generations behind: its still in the era of shorter life expectancy, women doing domestic "careers" and very different financial landscape.

All these things can impact a child's life.