To wonder why more parents don't encourage daughters to freeze eggs?

[alesndra]

I know , I know - money! But there's so many more parents that help out their children by buying them housing or contributing large sums towards the wedding. Why isn't egg freezing a more common "gift"?

For example, I grew up quite comfortable and my parents wanted to help me build up a safety net. When I finished uni they bought me a flat in central London (for which I am immensely grateful) and paid a substantial amount towards my wedding (again, very very thankful for this). So they clearly have money and were willing to use it to help me out in life. Similarly now, I've mentioned we might do IVF and parents have said if they can help out financially they are very willing. So... why is it that so few girls are encouraged by their parents at age 18-25 to freeze eggs by their parents? Why, among all of my friends, even ones who went to private school and come from super rich backgrounds, have none of us been "gifted" an egg freezing round but many got flats etc? Not ungrateful but just wondering why culturally it's not as common when it could save so many tears, stress and even money down the line to be used on unsuccessful IVF rounds as egg quality declines?
I feel like this is 100% something I would "gift" my daughter, ahead of for example cars or flats. Or am I missing something?

I can’t comment as have made my own way in life with minimal intervention from parents from 16.

I did look into this procedure personally with a view to funding it myself when younger, but it didn’t seem a good option at the time so didn’t do it. No regrets.

Will of course support if there’s genuine need but think good parenting is more about fostering independence so wouldn’t be doing this (or any of the other things your DPs chucked money at) for DC.

Ok, so I'm a 41 year old man, with a 17 year old daughter, and my answer to your question @alesndra would be "Huh, is egg freezing a thing that exists? Why would an 18 - 25 year old need to freeze eggs?"

Having read the thread I presume it's in case she doesn't meet someone, or isn't in a financial position to have a kid until her late 30s, but that's a hell of a leap surely. Admittedly I live in a fairly cheap area of the country, but I don't know anyone who wanted kids who didn't have a partner and hadn't bought a house by 30ish.

And surely the money put towards egg freezing would be better off used as a deposit etc., rather than some remote hypothetical that might never be needed.

Seems a most odd position to take!

What???

Cos i dont see a need to push invasive and expensive medical procedures
She has expressed never wanting kids - why would i undermine her wants on a 'maybe'
Its her body and her choice - saying 'here, freeze your eggs just in case' is as good as saying 'you dont know what you want, i know better, you will want babies'

I find it odd anyone WOULD offer their kids this without an expressed desire for help in the area

Because thankfully my parents didn't view me as a baby making machine,

Darling daughter not only will you be paying off a student loan but you will be paying storage on your frozen eggs , shopping for Danish sperm and being ghosted on dating apps oh and we are going to alter your hormone levels to make you recreationally available for sex. Next you’ll be expecting us to pay for an abortion when the guy who is a sperm donor on the side isn’t ready to settle down because his dating age range gives him more of a biological window oh domestic load has no status so that will be outsourced to someone lower down the economic ladder and surrogacy if your body isn’t on ice enough .

YABVU. Because it’s basically a con - the chances of it actually working with defrosted eggs aren’t that high. Plus the IVF you put a young woman through to yield the eggs can cause ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (proven fatal to some women), also bowel perforations, abscesses and long term damage. The long term impact of injecting yourself with strong fertility drugs to overstimulate the ovaries to mature the eggs hasn’t been widely studied.

Then there’s paying thousands in storage costs to clinics for 20 years, then what do you do with leftover eggs? Then there’s clinics who offer you a discount if you give up half your eggs - meaning a pipeline of eggs they sell on at profit, and someone else raises your genetic child.

You would be mad to do this. Please, do not encourage your daughters to do it and don’t do it yourself.

Not everyone agrees with the morality of it. I don't.

Or it come across as interfering and controlling.

@Bobbotgegrinch Ok, so I'm a 41 year old man

These words did not need to be said... Abundantly obvious you're a man from the rest of your post! Are you really so ignorant of basic biology that you don't know younger women are generally more fertile and egg quality drops as women age? You had your child pretty young. The average age of first time parents has risen, it's not that unusual that people don't want kids until their mid-late 30s.

I remember reading about this in 2011, at this time egg freezing was only offered as a last resort for medical reasons rather than a way of beating the biological clock. Even though I had/have reservations about it it’s more understandable than gifting your daughter the opportunity of freezing her own eggs “just in case”.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1345733/Mother-freeze-eggs-infertile-daughter-day-birth-HER-OWN-brother-sister.html

We have a biological clock for a reason. And I fully understand that not everybody is in a position to have a baby at a younger age, but do we want it to become the norm for people to have babies much later than naturally possible?

I guess there’s also an element of feeling like you should have a baby because your parents paid for it and your eggs will go to waste, even if you don’t even really want one.

The moral issue maybe too? It's quite a grey area in terms of potential lives. What do you do with unused eggs for example?

@pollymere there are ethcial issues but I’m really struggling to see how this is one? The eggs would
otherwise have been dispelled from the body as
happens every month.

Do women have an ethical obligation to try to get an egg fertilised every month so that the egg is not dispelled?

im going to donate my eggs to be used for science. But if not then they’re just thawed and destroyed. As had happened every month since I’ve had a period…

slight difference in that once the egg is expelled, not dispelled, its no longer viable, whereas the frozen ones potentially are.

My thoughts exactly. Who even has these conversations unless prompted by your child. It's literally none of your business as a parent.

@godmum56 can you expand what you think the ethical issues are?

There's been a huge recent debate on this topic, did you not hear about the ruling in Alabama that frozen embryos have rights and that destruction would count as Wrongful Death of a Minor? Obviously that's Alabama, and it's embryos not eggs, but it's not a huge leap to imagine that at some point in the future frozen eggs could come under the same spotlight, and that some people believe destruction of them would be essentially murder (I don't, but those are potential ethical/legal issues).

honestly I think its something that people have to take their own stance on. Just pointing out the difference between a viable and a non viable egg.

Because i don't want my daughter thinking its a good idea or even possible to extend fertility indefinitely. I don't actually think its the best outcome to end up with a 10 year old when you are menopausal. Our bodies recover better from childbirth and cope better with the sleepless nights etc when we are a bit younger so I'd prefer to be clear with her that actually, she needs to be ready to have a family when her body is, if she wants one.

I'll be educating her about her body clock and the need to consider and prioritise planning to be having a family in her late twenties/early thirties.

I agree with you, Arrivapercy. Apart from that it all seems terribly artificial and a bit 'brave new world'. How far should science go with something like this? Human lives are precious, childless couples can be fulfilled, happy and extremely useful if they can accept it, babies are a 'gift' and not a right.

I can see a future in which women ho can afford it freeze their eggs at 21, work at their career until the age of 55 and then “retire” to have babies.

I have never wanted kids... expressed that as a child myself. So if my parents had said about me freezing my eggs, I would have told them to fucking stroll on.

I’m in the middle of ivf myself (probably due to old eggs) but totally disagree with what you are suggesting. Lots of women choose not to have kids . Why make the assumption an 18 year old will want them ? Or will need IVF anyway as most people don’t ? It’s so invasive and expensive and not to be taken lightly, especially when there is not a great chance of success with frozen eggs.

People on mumsnet generally don’t need it obviously!!! The majority here sound judgmental and not very thoughtful. My daughter is 33 and hasn’t met anyone she wants to settle down with yet. Her career has meant moving around a lot. She met someone recently who has been through hell trying to conceive and she urged my daughter to freeze her eggs. Females have a relatively short fertility window whereas buying a house can be delayed and renting is ok too! I don’t think the questioner deserved the pile on. You’re lucky to have had kids and many of you have assumed that everyone in their thirties have found their life partners