£10.5k spent since January on my credit card

[Heyheyheyyou]

I’ve spent £10.k on my credit card since January 2025 on food, clothes, petrol, eating out and other general stuff for me and the kids. This excludes bills & mortgage, which are paid from a separate account.

DH has become angry as he views this has excessive and points to things, such as take aways and coffee etc, which he considers a waste.
He’s basically made it clear, he wants to take over running the family finances or have completely separate bank accounts.

DH wants to save enough to help DC buy a house at some point in the future ladder. He was putting away £100 per month for a few years but has had to stop due to the cost of living.

Dors my spend seem excessive, I don’t think so. We have 2 primary school aged children.

Yes, excessive if your finances are such that he can’t save £100 pcm for the Dc’ futures.

But:

He’s basically made it clear, he wants to take over running the family finances or have completely separate bank accounts.

is an over reaction.

It sounds as if you have been spending without any observance of a budget, and that the two of you have not communicated over your household finances. Where is the teamwork here? Why is HE trying to save £100 pcm, not the two of you together?

Tell him you agree it has been out of hand, go over your total family / household budget and work out what is affordable in each category.

Your list is a mix: kids clothes and needed clothes (as opposed to fashion purchases on a whim) , petrol, are essential, coffee out and takeaways not so much.

Separate out how much was spent on essentials, and give those budget lines: petrol / clothing.

Add up how much was takeaways and coffees.

Work it all out within the context of your finances overall
Agree budgets for things
Agree what account those costs will come from (for each of you)
Stick to it, and discuss and communicate if there is an emergency or adjustments need to be made.

Flipping heck I'd have a heart attack if my dh ran up a 10k debt.

That said you haven't been clear about your income is or whether it's paid off every month. We only use our ccs for large purchases where it benefits us to have the extra protection and pay it off the same mth.

Clearly you need to sit and discuss a budget

How much of that money is indulgence spending? Coffees, lunches, takeaways — the kind of things you don't actually need? That's key. If it's £50 then no problem. If it's £500 then I'd be concerned if I was married to you. £6k a year being frittered away on coffees etc could add up to two house deposits in 10 years' time.

Do you want to save money for the children or not? If you do, set yourself a limit on discretionary spending (the little luxury spends) and stick to it. Put the money saved into a separate account for the children.

Taking control of your finances and being able to live within a reasonable budget can be very empowering. Lots of us have had periods when we've frittered away serious sums of money because we haven't had a budget.

The OP has said that it isn’t a debt, it is paid off every month.

Depends on whether petrol is to get to work or take the children to school or whether you could walk to either.

You need to break this down into needs, actual needs like supermarket shopping and wants like takeaways and eating out. My own children knew that one meal out for a family of four was a hell of a lot of money compared to how many meals that equates to in a supermarket shop.

I think if this is the first conversation you have had over spending and his attitude is how you have described it seems a little extreme. A sit down conversation needs to be had between you.

Dh and I always have a yearly sit down talk over finances, what we have spent and what we intend to spend in the following year, ie cut down on that, the house needs X spending on it. We do use a credit card, it is paid in full automatically every months and it is a rewards card so it pays us back too. Dh pulls the info from the credit card statement and compiles it into an excel sheet so we can see what we spent and where.

Your DH does have a point. He wants to save and you are spending without regret or awareness. Yes, a credit card does afford you some financial protection but it is too easy to use and not realise how much has been spent. Take aways, coffees etc all add up. You can setup a spreadsheet which will show you how much you are spending and sort it in a pie chart with percentages. It will be an eye opener.

And if that money on take ways, clothes you probably do not actually need etc can be put to better use like a house deposit for DC I can see your DH point.

That is a huge amount, but we can't say if it's excessive without knowing your family income or if you are in debt.

If you DH has concerns (and I can see why), then he needs to sit down with you, with all finances statements etc, and do a budget. MSE have a great budget planner that you can download.

You put all your income onto it and all your expenditure for a whole year, and you can see how much is left over.

If you are getting into debt, spending beyond your means, then yes of course it is excessive. Anything that you buy that you can't afford, is a luxury. Takeaways, coffees etc, when you are in debt, are unnecessary.

If you can clear it in full each month and there is no debt, then you need to discuss with him what he thinks is excessive and why.

If you are frittering away the family finances on unnecessary things, then he is right to be annoyed. There is only so many clothes that DC need. A takeaway is a luxury not a necessity.

You just need to discuss this sensibly with him and come up with a plan for spending. (assuming that you aren't £10K in debt).

Whether him taking over the family finances is unreasonable or lot really depends on the situation.

Op has continued spending like they aren’t impact by CoL and they have had to stop saving the money for the kids.

I very much doubt this is the first conversation about money. I wouldn’t blame him it’s been discussed and discussed and op continues regardless.

I’ve spent £10.k on my credit card since January 2025

Are you already in the future OP?

Maybe it’s time to look at your finances and look at a budget, Together.

Apparently though studies show that there is a different spending psychology with credit cards and people do spend more, even if paid off at the end of the month. Apparently it’s to do with the perception of deferred payment vs immediate payment as with debit cards.
I found that when I only used debit cards, my savings accelerated. So it was true in my case.

On what planet does a person think 10k of debt (outside of say a mortgage) is not excessive?

No way on earth would I share a bank account with someone so irresponsible.

People need to realize 'financial abuse' goes both ways, its abusive to blow through all your partners/family money, then also get into unnecessary debt and expect it to be joint and dragging everyone else's name/finances/credit scores into it.

He has a right to protect his money and future from your lack of care by having his own account where you can't waste it on living a lifestyle you can't afford.

That seems very excessive, though you haven't mentioned your income.

It’s big a debt though. It’s monthly expenditure that is paid off each month.

There is a brilliant app called Snoop that links all your cards and will tell you for example - you are spending £200 a month on coffee

It is debt, thats the very point of what a credit card is... making repayments on time a debt doesn't mean its magically not a debt.

It's really important to know one thing. Are you paying this bill off each month? Or are you racking this up, and actually owe over £10,000 without a means to pay for it? My credit card bill is on average £1,200 per month. I can afford to pay it off every month. The amount isn't a problem if.you have the means to pay. It's a problem if you're building up debt. If it is all unpaid debt, I'd cut up that credit card. Stop all coffees and eating out. Draw up and Stick to a budget. Plan a way to pay off your debt. Give the card company a call, they'll be more than happy to help you plan your repayments. If you have the money to pay and aren't in debt, and your husband just wants to save more money. In that case I'd sit down with him and agree to stop the coffees and eating out. I wouldn't.like my husband to take over all of the money, and prevent me from accessing it, if we're not in debt. I'd be angry and hurt. It is actually a form of control and is classed as abuse. It happened to my friend in a severe way. He gave her cash for the month. She got the food, but couldn't afford anything else. She had to.sell stuff to make some money. It was horrible to see. He'd actually tell her to ask her friends for kids clothes etc. It really upset me yo see that happening to her. She dresses in rags and her children's clothes look ancient. She can't afford to have her hair done and has broken glasses. Whereas her husband wears designers suits, wears a tag watch, drives a £50,000 car and runs his own business. He posts f.b. photos of cocktails and fancy dinners out with colleagues. While she literally looks like shit. I feel very sorry for her and her children.

I think that level of expenditure is reasonable for all food, clothes and activities for a family of four plus your petrol.

But if you can't even save £100 a month then no I don't think you can afford coffees and takeaways, and probably time to move to cheaper brands for clothes if you haven't already.

It is shit, we have two good salaries but interest rates and the cost of living mean we're nowhere near as comfortable as we were a few years ago, and I think everyone is feeling that way and having to watch their spending a bit more than before.

Yes £10k in 7 months sounds really excessive, sorry. It’s more than £1k a month!

Edited to add - that’s if it’s over £1k a month that you can’t afford to pay off, is what I meant!

I understand why he thinks you've been spending too much if you can't save £100 a month between you. But you know that, so it would be fair to have a conversation with him and come to an arrangement that allows you to do something other than spend all that you earn. Rather than you making the unilateral decision about what to do with your money.

Spending £1.5k a month on a CC then paying it off in full at the end of the month is not ‘racking up £10k of debt’, however you try and spin it. It’s just a different (and often sensible) way of organising your finances. I would have the same amount to spend on food/petrol/frivolities if I spent on a CC or a debit card. I choose to use my CC as we earn cash back, which pays for a significant part of Christmas each year. I have never been ‘in debt’, except on my mortgage.

Cancel the cheque?

It sounds excessive to me but it's impossible to know unless you also tell us your family income and the details of what "food, clothes, petrol, eating out and other general stuff" means. Was the food luxury items? Were the clothes expensive brands and were they necessary? Does "eating out" mean MacDonalds or fine dining? Does "general stuff" mean toilet rolls or high-price toiletries and unnecessary impulse buys?

If you can’t save £100 a month but still spend a lot on takeaway coffee and regular eating out, I think you’re living above your means.

@Beautiful3 That is truly awful, your poor friend. How humiliating for her, and sounds really abusive 😔

I think the petrol spend could also be significant ? We spend more on the Tesco shop but much less on other stuff. If you can’t save, then the takeaways snd coffees need to stop. A budget is needed!