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AIBU?

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Original poster

£10.5k spent since January on my credit card

474 replies

Heyheyheyyou · 04/08/2024 10:19

I’ve spent £10.k on my credit card since January 2025 on food, clothes, petrol, eating out and other general stuff for me and the kids. This excludes bills & mortgage, which are paid from a separate account.

DH has become angry as he views this has excessive and points to things, such as take aways and coffee etc, which he considers a waste.
He’s basically made it clear, he wants to take over running the family finances or have completely separate bank accounts.

DH wants to save enough to help DC buy a house at some point in the future ladder. He was putting away £100 per month for a few years but has had to stop due to the cost of living.

Dors my spend seem excessive, I don’t think so. We have 2 primary school aged children.

OP posts:
ItsAlrightDarling · 04/08/2024 11:02

Didimum · 04/08/2024 11:01

Is the CC interest free?

This really isn’t about the CC is it? It’s about your husband being nervous and upset at the family expenditure. You need to sit down together and make a budget which is a compromise and suits you both.

Surely this is very simple? Why are you coming on Mumsnet instead of talking to your DH?

If you pay off in full every month you don’t pay interest.

Bluevelvetsofa · 04/08/2024 11:02

Assume that food shopping at £120 a week comes to between £3500 and £4000, £6500 is on petrol, clothes, eating out and sundries. Seems quite a lot.

Groovee · 04/08/2024 11:03

Why do you not just use your debit card? I knew someone who used a credit card as she got points or something.

My credit card usually only gets used for big purchases. I use my debit card for my other shops and if I feel I can't afford it, I don't buy it.

LittleBearPad · 04/08/2024 11:04

Groovee · 04/08/2024 11:03

Why do you not just use your debit card? I knew someone who used a credit card as she got points or something.

My credit card usually only gets used for big purchases. I use my debit card for my other shops and if I feel I can't afford it, I don't buy it.

Using a credit card or debit card is irrelevant as the cc is paid off every month.

ItsAlrightDarling · 04/08/2024 11:04

We get cash back on our credit card which, at the end of the year, pays for a significant part of Christmas.

StormingNorman · 04/08/2024 11:04

OP - get a debit card so you have access to the bank account. Your sole source of money shouldn’t be a credit card.This puts you in a very precarious position if anything were to change in your relationship as your DH could essentially just cut you off. I’m assuming you don’t work if you rely on a cc your husband is paying for.

Second piece of advice, speak to your husband and agree a budget and financial goals. You aren’t aa well off as you think you are if you cannot save £100 a month.

StripedPiggy · 04/08/2024 11:05

Your DH has a point. If I wasn’t in a position to save as little as £100 per month, I most certainly wouldn’t be spending any money on takeaways & coffee.

I would be doing a proper budget in order to track where my money was going. And I would be using that budget to see where I could make significant cutbacks to the amount I was spending, until I reached the point at which I was able to save at least £100 per month. And ideally a lot more than that.

NewGreenDuck · 04/08/2024 11:05

And if you don't actually have a budget then you both need to sit down and agree one. All of your essentials in one column.Clothing allowance, and amount to save etc. Pocket money for you both.

Peridot1 · 04/08/2024 11:07

It’s very hard to say if it’s unreasonable or not. But you need to look at it in detail and figure out exactly what you are spending on.

If the card is being paid off every month then you are not paying interest. But if not then yes it’s an issue.

I think you need to sit down with your husband and look at the statements and figure out what is being spent on what. And if you can cut back. I’d want to save for my child more than I’d want coffees and takeaways. So maybe agree the saving and a budget for stuff like coffees etc.

There are some good apps around to help with budgeting. And keep all your receipts for everything you spend and once a week sit down and really look at them and figure out what is going where.

Catdoorman · 04/08/2024 11:08

Your priorities seem very different to those of your husband, if you can't afford to save even a hundred pounds for you childrens future security, but can fritter away one and a half thousand a month, during a cost of living crisis that is clearly affecting you, and have nothing to show for it, then yes, I would say you need to reassess your relationship with money. You are also sending the wrong message to your children, one day they will come down to earth with a huge bump when they have to earn, and manage their own finances. You need to set a better example.

CasaBianca · 04/08/2024 11:09

Go through the statement and sum up the expenses per categories:

  • food : could be lowered by shopping non branded / in cheaper supermarkets. How much of the total is alcohol, this could be lowered. Same for meat.
  • petrol : difficult to cut down, I assume
  • coffees and takeways : agree on what the monthly total should be
  • activities and days out : same
  • kids clothes : same, uniform for ex is not something you can lower I assume

The amount is not necessarily unreasonable, it depends how it is spent for each category.

LlynTegid · 04/08/2024 11:10

How much could you save on fuel by planning journeys better, walking some journeys, and in the way you drive?

NZDreaming · 04/08/2024 11:10

Heyheyheyyou · 04/08/2024 10:54

I’ve always been told it’s better to spend the money on a credit card, rather than a debit card.

Show quote history

I do this too - means you get benefits from the credit card as well as good credit rating. In our case we get air miles and a companion flight voucher which makes a massive difference when travelling long distance.

with regard to the amount - to me this is not excessive because my husband and I both exclusively use the credit card to pay for everything other than house bills. That means travel, holidays, entertainment, food, clothes, make up, toiletries, house supplies etc. We barely use our debit cards so between us can easily spend £800-£1500 a month and there’s only two of us.

It’s all relative though - if it’s not getting you in to debt then it’s not a problem. If you want to be able save a bit too then cut back on the ‘extras’ like coffee and takeaways.

I think the general concern here potentially comes from people using a credit card in a very different way as they equate it with debt building.

dottiedodah · 04/08/2024 11:10

No matter what ,your spending needs to be reduced.It also seems to consist of a lot of treats for you and DC.Does DH ever get included? Takeouts maybe once a month or so .likewise coffees .My DH has just retired, and we need to reign it in as well.My tips: E Bay for nice labels (got a beautiful Monsoon top for a tenner,offered below asking price ,and only worn once! ) shop own labels for most things at Sainsburys. Do house swaps /pet sitting for free hols . Join National Trust for free days out .Lots more you can think of Im sure

3CustardCreams · 04/08/2024 11:10

That is excessive

mirrorlife · 04/08/2024 11:10

skibiditoilet · 04/08/2024 11:01

There is no advantage to credit cards over debit cards these days as section 75 now extends to debit cards (Google it). Cut up the credit card and use your debit for everyday expenses. It used to be if you weee buying some big ticket item like a sofa you’d pin it in credit as it extended certain protections. You need to get financially literate.
if your husband is saving £100 pm and you can’t afford a family food shop there is something very wrong there.

This is wrong, I’m afraid. S.75 is still only for credit cards. You’re thinking of chargeback, presumably, which is a contractual right based on an agreement between providers rather than a statutory right- it’s good but can still leave you out of pocket while the issue is resolved which can have knock-on consequences which are not covered.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 04/08/2024 11:10

That's a stupid amount of money to be spending IMO.

Taking out the £140 a week for food, you're basically spending a grand a month on "stuff".

LlynTegid · 04/08/2024 11:10

CasaBianca · 04/08/2024 11:09

Go through the statement and sum up the expenses per categories:

  • food : could be lowered by shopping non branded / in cheaper supermarkets. How much of the total is alcohol, this could be lowered. Same for meat.
  • petrol : difficult to cut down, I assume
  • coffees and takeways : agree on what the monthly total should be
  • activities and days out : same
  • kids clothes : same, uniform for ex is not something you can lower I assume

The amount is not necessarily unreasonable, it depends how it is spent for each category.

Edited

It's not difficult to cut down on fuel use. Even before getting a smaller car.

honeylulu · 04/08/2024 11:11

I'm not great with maths but once you've knocked off the food shop that's more like £1k a month. That sounds bad but it depends what clothes and stuff for the kids really covers.

I spend more than that on my credit card but it covers stuff like petrol, school dinners, haircuts, dance/swimming lessons, replacement uniform, kids shoes/trainers when outgrown. Holiday deposits (for the whole family), car insurance/service and other household things like that including repairs. I put them through the credit card to earn JL points and reimburse myself from the joint account.

I would consider all that joint/ family spending and not frivolous. But I also put on the card personal expenditure which I pay off from my personal account (we have semi separate finances which works for us as we are both on good salaries). That's stuff like non-essential clothes, beauty treatments, eating out/socialising, days out.

You and your husband need to take a look at the split between spending on reasonable family costs and spending on purely frivolous/luxury things. (I think everyone deserves a bit of frivolity but it needs to be within means!) Then you will be able to identify if the frivolous spending needs to be cut back or if its actually quite low and a red herring.

Do you work/ have your own income, OP? How does your husband deal with his personal spends?

Propertyladder123 · 04/08/2024 11:14

OP how much do you earn? What is the household income?

if you’re on £500k not an issue but difficult to tell from the vague info!

StripedPiggy · 04/08/2024 11:16

Reading through threads like this, I always find it extraordinary that some people don’t have a proper household budgeting process.

How on earth does anyone expect to be able to organise their finances, keep track of their spending, optimise their savings / investments and plan for their future if they don’t have a proper budget? This really is basic stuff.

Cocopogo · 04/08/2024 11:17

I’ve spent similar but that does include some bigger purchases like 12m car insurance, and £1000 deposit for a holiday and things like petrol depending on how long your commute is and if it’s daily will rack up

Dolphinnoises · 04/08/2024 11:17

It very much depends on your household income. What is your DH spending? Does he have any hobbies? Because at the moment we’re only looking at fixed costs and what you spend on everyday household stuff. If he has an expressive hobby then of course you can have the odd cappuccino. If he’s living like a monk and trying to save and you’re in Costa, that’s different

Nc4dis · 04/08/2024 11:18

That seems excessive….me and my husband save 1-1.5k a month between us and we don’t really do takeaways or coffees out as it’s so expensive and a waste of money. If you can’t save £100 a month you definitely shouldn’t be buying those things. Get a cafetiere and some recipe books. When we met my husband was buying loads of shite and was in his overdraft, I made it clear I didn’t want a spendthrift as a partner as I wanted to save for a house. So I think your husband is being fair.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 04/08/2024 11:18

It's excessive because you've prevented DH from saving £100 a month, which is not a lot. Are you for instance paying that much on coffees and takeaways and other nonessential stuff?
You just don't seem to be thinking about what you are spending.
Sit down with him and work out a budget. Food, petrol, clothing, kids activities and school costs that have to be paid
£100 for savings.
Then both agree on what's reasonable beyond that.
Then stick to it.