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Original poster

Will she know I am preggy? And would you go ahead?

113 replies

Maybeitismilkagain · 03/08/2024 23:25

Seeing a guy I went to school with and just found out I am pregnant. About 5.5 weeks.

He works abroad sometimes in the middle east so I have only just told him. He was planning to pay me an evening visit and I t9ld him over text. I said I hadn't decided what to do. He says 'it's my baby. Please have it'

It is all very strange as it was a casual thing, in my mind. And now I am pregnant.

He wants me to meet his mum and dad for a roast, and his brother and partner who have 3 DC

He thinks it is a good idea to tell his mum and dad after I've met them. On his own. I have said that's a bad idea as she's a woman. She will know. I have horrific HG sickness that is only calmed down by medication

Personally, I've always guessed correctly when someone is pregnant but hasn't announced yet. Something about them gives it away.

Should I encourage him to just tell them and then meet with them?

The title is insp from his awful joke. He likes to say 'preggy, with a fertilised eggy'. And also likes to make references to that awful 'You're having my baby' song 😫

He doesn't know this but I haven't 100% decided if I want to continue with the pregnancy. I might not tell him if I do terminate, depending on how early the pregnancy is ended. Otherwise yes, I will have to say I am terminating

The thought of carrying his baby is thrilling. I always loved him when I was in my teens and was sad to break-up. He contacted me again when I was already married so never got round to a meet up. I now live 50 miles away from the area too. I posted some Instagram photos of myself a while back and he messaged me. It went from there

I have a gorgeous DS and DD from my previous marriage. Recently divorced (my children are 7 and 3). I am not sure if this suits them/would be too much of an inconvenience so I have yet to decide.

My son has special needs and is very easy going and oblivious to things like this. He would genuinely be fine. My DD would probably find it tough with a new baby. She is a total mummy's girl and likes having me to herself whenever she can

OP posts:
LikeAFineMerlot · 03/08/2024 23:30

Do you actually want to have a baby?

Do you actually want to have a baby with him?

TipsyMaker · 03/08/2024 23:34

I think you need to decide whether to keep the baby or not before anything else

Tightfishedtwat · 03/08/2024 23:35

I think you need to make your decision before you meet the family.

Original poster
Maybeitismilkagain · 03/08/2024 23:37

LikeAFineMerlot · 03/08/2024 23:30

Do you actually want to have a baby?

Do you actually want to have a baby with him?

I am trying to work out those answers. My 2 were excellent sleepers and easy babies, so my experience is a bit Rose tinted with luck. I could end up with a sleepless little monster who has Colic. I do love having just 2 and at times missed having an only child set up. But I absolutely adore my second.

I think I definitely want 'his' baby but need to explore some more as to why that actually is

I want to make sure I am doing this for the right reasons, or at least reasonable ones before I know for sure

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 03/08/2024 23:38

OP don't meet with them yet. You haven't decided what you want and don't need a load of extra emotional investment in your decision. Give yourself a bit of space to think it through. I think your bf is being way too flippant too. Even if you were 100% set on keeping the baby, there arr clearly complicating factors you need to manage, which aren't being acknowledged. Good luck.

Adviceneeeeded · 03/08/2024 23:40

Are you happy to raise the baby alone? Because this is the reality. If so, then great. If not, then you need to think carefully

Original poster
Maybeitismilkagain · 03/08/2024 23:42

longestlurkerever · 03/08/2024 23:38

OP don't meet with them yet. You haven't decided what you want and don't need a load of extra emotional investment in your decision. Give yourself a bit of space to think it through. I think your bf is being way too flippant too. Even if you were 100% set on keeping the baby, there arr clearly complicating factors you need to manage, which aren't being acknowledged. Good luck.

Thank you, I think I agree with that.

He has met my non verbal son in passing, very casually. Has not met DD and if he was to be a partner, I wouldn't want that to happen for at least 9 to 12 months for the first meet. I imagine having a newborn would have to change that

OP posts:
NZDreaming · 04/08/2024 00:12

@Maybeitismilkagain as other posters have said it sounds like you’re focusing on the wrong things here. You need to think about the practicalities of having a third child, not just a baby. Can you afford to support three children financially, physically and emotionally? You mention you have a special needs child, are you going to be able to manage his needs, the needs of your daughter and another child (who could potentially also have additional needs).

It doesn’t sound like you’re in a committed relationship so it would be unwise to get carried away with romantic notions, it could work out with him long term but the odds are against you. Do you have a support system in place if you end up doing this alone? He might be an excellent father but he could prove useless, you can’t rely on him on the same way you did your husband when you had your other children.

Are you ok with the prospect of having a child you know you will have to share your time with from the beginning? What about how that will work with your children potentially not spending much time with their sibling if contact time with their dads is different? This could be further complicated by any future children your ex husband or your current partner may have. Do you feel able to co-parent with two men who may have different parenting views/styles to yourself and each other?

You may be able to commit to this child and feel confident you can cope whatever happens but either way I don’t think it’s wise to meet his family or to tell them anything until you are certain about what you want to do. You don’t need the extra pressure.

SantasRubiksCube · 04/08/2024 00:33

You haven't even been together long enough for him to have met your children or for you to have met his family but your considering having a baby with him? Am I the only one thinking that's a batshit crazy idea?! Confused

TwinklyNight · 04/08/2024 06:33

I would not meet with them right now. You are thinking over something important, and meeting them could influance you. You need to be sure. Especially if he spontaneously burst out with the news at dinner and they all start hugging you and excited!

stormywhethers321 · 04/08/2024 06:41

Preggy with a fertilized eggy???

If you were relying on him to bring the condoms, I strongly suspect he sabotaged them.

JaninaDuszejko · 04/08/2024 06:45

Now is not the time to have another child, least of all with a casual partner. End it all now and concentrate in the children you have.

Sweetteaplease · 04/08/2024 06:48

Focus on the kids you have. This sounds like a nightmare.

stormstormystormstorm · 04/08/2024 06:53

stormywhethers321 · 04/08/2024 06:41

Preggy with a fertilized eggy???

If you were relying on him to bring the condoms, I strongly suspect he sabotaged them.

What sort of comment is that??? Apart from unhelpful, not based on any facts, purely speculative and complete and utter shite???

Noonooo · 04/08/2024 06:55

How long have you been together and are you planning on becoming a couple rather than seeing each other casually? Your children will obviously find this easier if you've been together for a while, but it seems you haven't if he hasn't met your daughter yet. Your daughter will especially struggle as she knows you're already focused on her brother who has disabilities. I also wouldn't tell anyone you're pregnant until you've decided to keep the baby and after the 12 week scan.

QueenOfTheNihilist · 04/08/2024 07:00

Can you afford another baby as a single mum?

It all sounds very tricky OP. Even if your relationship sticks he will be working away for months.

If your relationship doesn’t develop, how will you feel then about having his baby?

Is continuing with the pregnancy a way to keep him?

QueenOfTheNihilist · 04/08/2024 07:03

Recently divorced … this is such a lot for your kids. Change of family home from their Dad, introduction of new man and a new baby….

Meadowfinch · 04/08/2024 07:05

OP, you're only just clear of your divorce, your relationship is very new, you are probably on the rebound.

This man works in the ME, so won't be around to help. And you have two very young children, one of whom has special needs. They are both still learning to cope with their parents' divorce. Don't you think they have enough to deal with already.

Honestly, I think you need to calm down, and think seriously about your priorities. It is obviously your choice but you're setting yourself up for a fairly tough 20 years.

Onehotday · 04/08/2024 07:07

He sounds massively immature. Does he have the first idea of what it takes to be a father?

FinalInstructionstotheAudience · 04/08/2024 07:08

I don't know where to start;
1, You are 'recently' divorced. Have you noticed the effect this has had on your existing children? Do they see their father?

  1. You are 'recently' divorced and are seeing another man. Fair enough. One of your children those little people whose real father is recently, no longer in their lives full time, has met your new beau 'in passing'. Don't you think you should give them time to process this life upheaval before you introduce your new, occassional, man into their lives?
  2. Are you planning to tell your exh before you tell the kids?
  3. You 'think' you want his baby but have to work out why? This is a child's life ffs. It also impacts upon your other children. You sound like you are contemplating a new sofa
  4. The first time you meet his parents (for a roast, very specific); "hello, mum, dad, brothers, etc, this is @Maybeitismilkagain , my part-time gf; she's divorced, 2 kids and pregnant. That'll guarentee a warm family welcome
  5. You 'found' yourself pregnant??????
Too many things to carry on. Will await the next post where the charmer whose sperm has caused an 'eggy to be preggy', has buggered off into the ether leaving you with the baby
Ponoka7 · 04/08/2024 07:14

You were casually shagging. This isn't a love affair, you don't really know each other, he doesn't know your kids and haven't even spent a lot of time together. If he isn't working in the UK, you won't even get maintenance. Can you manage a third child as a single parent? You are wanting more, that isn't going to happen. He's acting like a big kid. Until you had decided, you shouldn't have told him. You shouldn't be meeting his family.

RawBloomers · 04/08/2024 07:20

So he's excited and singing songs and making up cute names, and working out how to introduce you to his parents so he can tell them all about it. But has he said anything practical about how he will support his child? Has he mulled over how it will affect where he can work and live and what he can do? It's also worrying that you told him you weren't sure about keepingit right at the start and he seems to have steamrollered over that and assumed you're going to go with his choice. Has he offered you any kind of support (rather than pressure) in making the decision?

He may have and you just haven't mentioned it, but your posts make it sound like he's giddy about the idea of being a dad in the most shallow ways possible and oblivious of what it would mean for either of you. Not that you necessarily have to envision him being the best dad and partner or even involved at all to want to keep the baby. But you want to be realistic about what the future could hold if you do.

Also agree with all the posters who say - Don't encourage him to tell them. Don't meet them yet. Make up your mind first and if you're going to have the baby, discuss how the two of you are going to deal with things before you start throwing extended family into the mix.

ComealongMartha · 04/08/2024 07:23

-Would he continue to work in the Middle East? -Would you be a couple or would you be lone parenting?
-Do you know if you share the same values?

He’s jumping the gun by telling his parents.
You need to work out what you want and discuss expectations.

Muffin101 · 04/08/2024 07:25

SantasRubiksCube · 04/08/2024 00:33

You haven't even been together long enough for him to have met your children or for you to have met his family but your considering having a baby with him? Am I the only one thinking that's a batshit crazy idea?! Confused

This, I’m afraid. I don’t like the way he’s speaking about your pregnancy, and the way he’s taking possession so early and trying to call all the shots. I feel uneasy. You would be best, imo, to focus on the children you already have and put their needs and well-being first.

JacquiDaytona · 04/08/2024 07:29

The way you said you’re ’thrilled’ to be having his baby makes me feel like at the moment this is all a bit of a game you’re swept up in. The baby must come before this man you’ve been involved with for five minutes, but your existing children and their safety and wellbeing must come before that. Please step away, head before heart, and think this practically first.

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