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Original poster

Will she know I am preggy? And would you go ahead?

113 replies

Maybeitismilkagain · 03/08/2024 23:25

Seeing a guy I went to school with and just found out I am pregnant. About 5.5 weeks.

He works abroad sometimes in the middle east so I have only just told him. He was planning to pay me an evening visit and I t9ld him over text. I said I hadn't decided what to do. He says 'it's my baby. Please have it'

It is all very strange as it was a casual thing, in my mind. And now I am pregnant.

He wants me to meet his mum and dad for a roast, and his brother and partner who have 3 DC

He thinks it is a good idea to tell his mum and dad after I've met them. On his own. I have said that's a bad idea as she's a woman. She will know. I have horrific HG sickness that is only calmed down by medication

Personally, I've always guessed correctly when someone is pregnant but hasn't announced yet. Something about them gives it away.

Should I encourage him to just tell them and then meet with them?

The title is insp from his awful joke. He likes to say 'preggy, with a fertilised eggy'. And also likes to make references to that awful 'You're having my baby' song 😫

He doesn't know this but I haven't 100% decided if I want to continue with the pregnancy. I might not tell him if I do terminate, depending on how early the pregnancy is ended. Otherwise yes, I will have to say I am terminating

The thought of carrying his baby is thrilling. I always loved him when I was in my teens and was sad to break-up. He contacted me again when I was already married so never got round to a meet up. I now live 50 miles away from the area too. I posted some Instagram photos of myself a while back and he messaged me. It went from there

I have a gorgeous DS and DD from my previous marriage. Recently divorced (my children are 7 and 3). I am not sure if this suits them/would be too much of an inconvenience so I have yet to decide.

My son has special needs and is very easy going and oblivious to things like this. He would genuinely be fine. My DD would probably find it tough with a new baby. She is a total mummy's girl and likes having me to herself whenever she can

OP posts:
FanNotEnough · 04/08/2024 07:29

His overexcitement, cutesy language and lack of practical thinking about the logistics, makes me think he is very immature. He is in no way ready to have a baby with you.

The main question to ask yourself is, could you do this alone? Only if that is the case go ahead.

TemuSpecialBuy · 04/08/2024 07:34

Sorry to say...but You are vanishingly unlikely to smoothly play happy families.

The fact he wants to sing cringey songs and say you are "preggy" 🤢 and isnt sitting down to discuss how the fuck its going to work with 2 step kids in a mewish relationship when he works abroad....tells me it isnt going to be plain sailing for you.he is immature and has little to zero understanding of what parenting means.

A non verbal son is likely going to be a deal breaker for this guy in reality in 2 years... even if he says its "fine" now.

I would ONLY continue if i was happy to do it totally alone AND was also prepared for your partner to come after 50/50 ie you wouldnt see that child for approx 50% of the time.

Personally i think you would be crazy and it would be unfair to bring a child into this kind of set up for multiple reasons...

BikesIHaveLost · 04/08/2024 07:39

So you’re recently divorced, accidentally pregnant by your former teenage boyfriend, with whom you don’t appear to be in a committed relationship, and who works overseas, and whose only response to the pregnancy has been silliness and saying he’ll tell his parents and wanting you to meet themto apparently pressure you into continuing the pregnancy? AND you have two children, at least one of whom would struggle if her mother had a baby by a total stranger?

You’d be crazy to continue this pregnancy.

LAMPS1 · 04/08/2024 07:42

A roast dinner isn't going to solve anything.

This is a casual affair. And an unplanned pregnancy.
You already have a family, which you considered complete until you found out you were pregnant. Do you want this added complication.
Do you really love this school-crush man who isn’t even around a lot of the time, and do you want to spend the rest of your life with him/connected to him/waiting for him. You would be rearing his child while he’s away working.

What exactly is he proposing, other than a roast dinner ?

You need to think hard about what YOU want and what the children you already have, want and need. Don’t disrupt your life or theirs, for this part-time man. It’s a situation anybody would easily tire of and find to be very hard work.
Consider your finances and your career and your pension very carefully as they will be compromised by a new baby.
Then you need to communicate with him properly, before he skips off back again to the Middle East to keep his own finances, career and pension going nicely.

Come to a conclusion for your situation before you accept the roast dinner invitation. Look carefully at the cold hard facts. Good luck OP !

Peonies12 · 04/08/2024 08:01

You both (particularly him) sound way too flippant and silly about the pregnancy. It’s a child you will be bringing into the world. For the child’s sake, and you own child’s sake, please seriously consider not having it - it sounds like the kinder option here. You barely know this man. Your children need your attention after the divorce.

Rainallnight · 04/08/2024 08:07

BikesIHaveLost · 04/08/2024 07:39

So you’re recently divorced, accidentally pregnant by your former teenage boyfriend, with whom you don’t appear to be in a committed relationship, and who works overseas, and whose only response to the pregnancy has been silliness and saying he’ll tell his parents and wanting you to meet themto apparently pressure you into continuing the pregnancy? AND you have two children, at least one of whom would struggle if her mother had a baby by a total stranger?

You’d be crazy to continue this pregnancy.

OP, just read this over and over.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 04/08/2024 08:15

It might be worth laying some ground work and putting things off, just in case. Thinking along lines of telling him it's very early and there's no guarantees at this stage and that you don't feel comfortable letting anyone else know until you're safely out of the first trimester.

Leanmeansmitingmachine · 04/08/2024 08:21

Jesus, what a total fucking mess.

Tagyoureit · 04/08/2024 08:21

You sound like your teenage self is enthralled by your school boyfriend and him being so lush and you're so lucky to be with him.

You're an adult now with 2 kids already.

To be honest, I'm not even sure why you told him, and by text, if you're not even sure what you want.

You've now created a whole big drama, when in actual fact, you could have dealt with this without him knowing causing far less grief all round.

You sound like you need to grow up.

Boater · 04/08/2024 08:29

You have two children already. You need to think about them. What is best for your existing children.

He also sounds a complete muppet.

Original poster
Maybeitismilkagain · 04/08/2024 08:32

Thanks all, it is really hard for me. Like I say, I really want to consider everything at length and I have a lot of time to make that decision thankfully

I found out I was pregnant on the 5th anniversary of my first daughter's passing. So I am trying to tell myself this baby isn't a sign from her 😕 but it is very emotionally charged

OP posts:
Boater · 04/08/2024 08:33

Maybeitismilkagain · 04/08/2024 08:32

Thanks all, it is really hard for me. Like I say, I really want to consider everything at length and I have a lot of time to make that decision thankfully

I found out I was pregnant on the 5th anniversary of my first daughter's passing. So I am trying to tell myself this baby isn't a sign from her 😕 but it is very emotionally charged

It’s not a sign.

PollyPeachum · 04/08/2024 08:35

You were settling into being a family with the two children... A third will unbalance that.
He sounds casual even flippant about life. He can be because he lives a simplified life with his job in a mainly male world out in ME. We have worked there. The 'single' status men do have a jokey attitude to life.
I would avoid any entanglement with him of his family. It is inevitable that they will give you a pitch about how good he is.
Did he invite all three of you to meet parents?
Termination must be a preference. Then Mirena.

TemuSpecialBuy · 04/08/2024 08:37

Maybeitismilkagain · 04/08/2024 08:32

Thanks all, it is really hard for me. Like I say, I really want to consider everything at length and I have a lot of time to make that decision thankfully

I found out I was pregnant on the 5th anniversary of my first daughter's passing. So I am trying to tell myself this baby isn't a sign from her 😕 but it is very emotionally charged

It is NOT a sign...

You should be looking hard at the cons list.

What kind of life you will be offering:
your existing children
A potential new child
yourself
(In that order)

You are in an unenviable postion but honestly the fact you want to replace a baby you miscarried 5 years ago doesnt justify up ending your existing childrens lives.

And i agree its telling he didnt invite your kids along to his sales pitch of a dinner

Original poster
Maybeitismilkagain · 04/08/2024 08:41

You are in an unenviable postion but honestly the fact you want to replace a baby you miscarried 5 years ago doesnt justify up ending your existing childrens lives.

^What miscarriage? And no baby replaces another one

OP posts:
Snacksgalore · 04/08/2024 08:41

It’s a new relationship. They’re is a high chance you be left as a single parent to 3. Even if you’re not then you will be on your own as he works away.

I think you need to think about what is in the best interests of your existing children.

SunflowerMabel · 04/08/2024 09:05

I wouldn't let strangers on mumsnet influence such a big decision OP. This place is disproportionately in favour of termination in my experience, having been told to terminate a baby I was never even considering terminating. It's a thing and quite sick IMO.

Hash it out here by all means but don't give what other people say much credence.

TemuSpecialBuy · 04/08/2024 09:10

Maybeitismilkagain · 04/08/2024 08:41

You are in an unenviable postion but honestly the fact you want to replace a baby you miscarried 5 years ago doesnt justify up ending your existing childrens lives.

^What miscarriage? And no baby replaces another one

I misread this as she had a miscarriage with a girl 😵‍💫🤦‍♀️

Huge apologies OP...
I still dont think its a sign though

historyofbritishdesign · 04/08/2024 09:12

OP, I hate to be blunt but please think of your two DC.

You finding out is not a sign. I am so sorry for your loss but please be kind on yourself by being rational and pragmatic. He sounds unbelievably immature with his silly songs and the instruction to "have it" without any real discussion about the challenging implications of doing so. Of course he can flippantly say you should have it as he fucks off to the Middle East for work, leaving you to put in the hard yards with raising a child and managing the complex dynamics of your two other DC who need to come to terms with the divorce AND a new baby.

You are looking back on him with the eyes of a teenager and most likely in the context of a recent divorce. Are either of these reliable in enabling you to see this man for who he really is and what he would bring to you having a child?

Marseillaise · 04/08/2024 09:13

In your mind this was just a casual relationship. You need to think very hard about whether you want to be tied to this man for the rest of your life - even if you split up he will still have rights in relation to his child.

SomeOfUs · 04/08/2024 09:26

Just out of curiosity, how did you get pregnant? Didnt you use any protection when having a sex with someone you randomly meet?
Not judging, just curious.

Muffin101 · 04/08/2024 09:31

Maybeitismilkagain · 04/08/2024 08:32

Thanks all, it is really hard for me. Like I say, I really want to consider everything at length and I have a lot of time to make that decision thankfully

I found out I was pregnant on the 5th anniversary of my first daughter's passing. So I am trying to tell myself this baby isn't a sign from her 😕 but it is very emotionally charged

That’s awful, I’m so sorry for your loss and for the timing of this news. It’s just a horrid coincidence though, I promise it’s not a sign.

CheeseWisely · 04/08/2024 09:31

It doesn't sound like your boyfriend has done much growing up in the intervening years, judging by his language and casual dismissal of the fact that you aren't sure about whether to keep the baby. It smacks of teenage boy, not emotionally intelligent Man.

To answer your question about his Mum, no I don't think she'd automatically know. I've guessed when friends have been pregnant, based on both actions and circumstances (committed relationship, prior talk about having kids etc). It would not cross my mind that someone in a casual relationship very shortly after their divorce was pregnant, HG or not. But I don't think you should meet them anyway.

Please do not drag your existing DC into a chaotic situation sparked from a rebound relationship based on a teenage fantasy.

skyfalldown · 04/08/2024 09:37

I’d get an abortion just to be free of that strange man…

LIZS · 04/08/2024 09:40

This all seems very mixed up. Prioritise the needs of your 2 dc over the pathetic excitement of this man-child you barely know. Would you really want to meet family so early if you weren't pg?